I used to do this every week. And by “used to” I mean “for 3 months.”
It’s been so long I bet some of you have never even seen WTF? Wednesday, that special time when we contemplate and appreciate the verbal whack flowing from the mouths of babes. Or the brilliance. Mostly whack.
Let’s start with a cute one:
Rocket: “Mama, why do you have to go to school?”
Me: “So I can get a job someday.”
Rocket, looking very concerned and sincere: “But you already have a job. Your job is to homeschool Meeeeeee!”
Can we all just say it together…AWWWWWWW.
Ava: “I want to be a NASA engineer, a mom, a cook or a nurse. As a back-up plan, I’ll be the first woman president.”
Me: “That’s a solid back-up plan.”
Ava: “Well, by the time I’m big everything will be so messed up they’ll need somebody smart to fix it. To get elected, I’ll tell everybody what they want to hear, then I’ll do whatever I want once I’m president.”
Remind me not to vote for her if she’s ever running.
Ava: “Fourth grade is really a turning point. Kids are so much more mature. You know we say things like ‘not necessarily’ and appreciate lady Gaga and people don’t make farting noises as often.”
I don’t know, people. I just don’t know.
Rocket, trying to coax Georgia to come over to him…”Georgia, come hhhheerrrree….I have something for youuuuuu…it’s right here…look, you can choke on it…!”
Oh come on you know I couldn’t make this shit up.
Rocket, playing with Georgia: “You’re a cute 20 minutes!”
Me: “Rocket, what does that mean?”
Rocket: “She’s cute for 20 minutes. Then she’s annoying.”
Huh. That’s funny, that statement pretty much works for all kids, and most people.
Rocket: “I’m more of a lollipop kind of guy.”
Me: “Rocket, what does that mean?” (Yes, I say that a lot.)
Rocket: “Exactly what I said. I’m more of a lollipop kind of guy.”
Me: “Right. I got that. But you’re more into lollipops than what?”
Ava, as people drove by our house with super loud bass playing: “I bet Georgia has more teeth than those people.”
Me: “That’s not very nice. They could have a whole head of excellent teeth.”
Ava: “No, they spent all their money on that stereo and then couldn’t afford dental care.”
I have NO IDEA where she gets that inappropriate sense of humor.
Rocket: “Mama, could you please be less annoying?”
Me: “I don’t think so.”
Rocket: “Why don’t you just try to be less annoying one week at a time. That way you won’t get overwhelmed with the change.”
Gonna be honest, actually considered that suggestion seriously.
Happy WTF Wednesday!