WTF? Wednesdays

by Janelle Hanchett

I need a day each week to write the fancy things my kids say. That day shall be Wednesdays. I know everybody and their mother does this and I’m pretty much okay with that. And why am I okay with that? Because kids are smarter than adults.

Because they’re little Zen masters without even trying.

And because I couldn’t make this shit up.

I mean seriously, WTF?

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Rocket, holding up a small white crystal, looking really annoyed: “Mama, the lady at the store said this crystal was magic, but I just asked it to turn me into a Transformer. And as you can see, I’m not a Transformer. Therefore, she lied.” Poor kid was conned.

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After sending the kids to another room for a minute so we could finish an “adult” conversation, Rocket delivered me a note with a very serious face, penned by his sister: “Rocket and I do not like being discriminated against due to our age. Angrily yours, Queen Ava and Duke Rocket.”

******

Ava: “I know what I want to do for my science project next year.”

Me: “Really? What?”

Ava: “I’m going to test who can hold their breath the longest: adults or children.”

Me: “That’s cool, except it may be a foregone conclusion since adults are bigger than kids, they have larger lung capacity.”

Ava: “Oh, yeah. That’s alright. I’ll just use midgets.” (please forgive the politically incorrect term. I’m sure she meant to say…uh oh…wait a minute…what is the P.C. term?).

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Rocket, explaining why he randomly and suddenly wet the bed after 3 years of not doing so once: “Well I thought about it and decided I was too tired to get up. Plus, it’s warm.”

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  • Shan

    I don’t know where to begin. I’ll just say I love your kids!

    (Not really angily) yours,

    Shan :+)

  • Christina

    I do this too. I post it on facebook and I always say Sofie QOD: or Gage QOD. (I am sure you can figure it out, Quote of the Day)

    I love hearing kids comments. Its fun at the preschool too.

  • Kimberly

    Ok, now I love your children almost as much as you.

  • Corinne

    I LOVE YOUR SON! He almost makes me want my own.

  • Casey

    Kids are rad. On Sunday we were having dinner and my husband old my 3 yr old to eat her spaghetti, to which she replied: “What are you? A cop?!?”
    Shut him up, haha.

    • renegademama

      Hahahaha! This made me laugh. Kids are hysterical the way they learn things and see things in black and white, not aware of changing contexts…”cops enforce rules. Daddy’s enforcing rules. Therefore, daddy’s a cop.”

      Love it.

  • Jessica

    I love this part of being a mom! The stuff my kid says sometimes… I should start a book with just quotes from him. The latest…

    3 years old, mind you… We were preparing for an event I was working on and the sitter canceled out on me so, he had to come along. We were sitting there with all the other adults and he told me he was going over to talk to the one he knew. I said “Don’t interrupt her if she is talking to someone!”. He whips his head around, hands out if frustration and says “Seriously Mom! DUH!”

    At that moment I saw my future in 10 years. UGh…….

    • renegademama

      OOOO – attitude! Gotta love that! It’s so cute when they’re 3… 🙂

  • Rebekah C

    AHahahahahahahahaa!

    OMG you can’t possibly have kept a straight face when you read that note!

    “just use midgets” *snigger* HAHAHAHA!

    • renegademama

      Well, I didn’t, really. I mean I tried. You know how hurt they get when their seriousness isn’t recognized.

      Yeah, the midget one had me rolling. I think I had tears in my eyes.

  • Jess

    HAHAHAHA! That is awesome. The pee thing, I mean. So something my son would do.

    Gabe, my 6 year old, has one liners that kill me. Always has. I swear the boy’s brain thinks in cartoons.

    • renegademama

      “thinks in cartoons.” what a perfect way to say it…

  • eringirl

    OMG best blog post I have read recently.

    And I don’t care if other parents post something like this… their kids aren’t as funny as yours.

  • Michelle

    Kids say the darndest things…my son just told me that he is NOT going for a ride because he is playing Metroid and that is his option! He is 3. He thinks he is playing Metroid by running around the house with sunglasses on and a couple vacuum cleaner attachments for weapons!

  • renegademama

    Your kid stories are AWESOME – I was hoping people would add their own to my list…they really are rad, kids.

    Pure, unadulterated awesome.