what I learned this week…allergies, Monopoly bandits & Lifetime movies in my backyard

by Janelle Hanchett

What I learned this week…

  1. You can take two 24-hour Zyrtec at the same time and not die.  Eight hours later, you can add one Claritin-D to the mix and you still won’t die.  You can then add nasal spray, asthma medicine, and eye drops (twice the suggested amount) to your system…and you still won’t die.
  2. When you’ve taken the aforementioned medicines and your allergies continue to mock you, virtually unchanged, shoving feathers doused in acid up your nose, scratching your eyes with razor glass claws, laughing at your silly attempt to overcome their assault, you will edge closer to a distinct desire to kick the proverbial bucket, but you won’t. Instead, you will go to bed with wet cloths over your eyes and bitch about it later, on your blog.
  3. After careful consideration I’ve decided that “You are not your fucking khakis” is the best line of any movie ever, followed closely by “The Dude abides.” I would like to hear what you people think about this.
  4. Yesterday I Googled “how to make polenta.” I believe that officially makes me a domestic catastrophe.
  5. My kids always beat Mac and I at Monopoly. It’s actually kind of irritating.
  6. In other news, we got a puppy.
  7. Yes, a puppy. Like not house trained, not leash trained, not ANY trained. A gorgeous, mutt, 8-week old puppy.
  8. Obviously, I enjoy pain.
  9. In addition to the whole pain thing, we got a puppy because our dog needs a companion. He gets lonely during the day. And our kids have been DYING for a dog that doesn’t just lay there and sleep, or (when he’s all riled up) lazily follow me everywhere I go, ignoring all else and settling ultimately at my feet (I don’t know. The freaking dog loves me). But mainly, we got a puppy because I felt in my gut that there’s a certain boy in this house who needs a cute, fluffy, real thing to play with, to love, to take care of.
  10. And I was right. Rocket takes the responsibility very seriously. In fact I’ve never seen him so responsive and quick with tasks. He and “Pete” (the puppy) are inseparable. He plays with that little dog for 2 hours at a time, running, rolling on the ground, jumping around the backyard – smiles and laughter of pure joy – honestly it’s something out of a Lifetime movie. Only it doesn’t make me gag. Because it’s real.

Here’s to not gagging at real-life Hallmark moments. Have a good week, my friends.

9 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | May 15, 2011
  • paige

    the dog is ADORABLE. and I’m a big fan of animals with people names. like my mom’s cat Phil, and her dog Lou.

    • renegademama

      Phil. That may be the best cat name I’ve EVER HEARD.

  • Michelle

    That puppy is adorable!! It is funny we almost adopted a border collie mutt from the shelter this weekend that looked exactly like your new addition. I chicken out because I am afraid of the NOT house trained, leash trained thing. I will give in eventually because my son needs something to cuddle and love too. As soon as I master these chickens that is.

  • Erika

    Might I suggest the Neti Pot for allergy and cold related sinus issues? It has prevented me from tearing out my sinuses and scrubbing them clean with boiling hot water… And is probably the next best thing.

    Why is it that children are always so good at board games, and opening “child proof” and difficult to open containers? That, and getting objects out of high cabinets?

    The puppy is adorable!
    I hope that all of the playing makes for very sleepy and contented puppy and boy.
    Congratulations! 😀
    I love the name, by the way.

  • Julie

    Feathers doused in acid. That is PERFECT.

    Oh, and wtf is polenta?

  • Dorothy

    So, since your son and my daughter are similar ages and your son can take care of a puppy, maybe I need to try and convince my husband she needs one. ‘Cuz after seeing that ball of cuteness I NEED a puppy. 🙂

  • dani

    We have a partially blind, mostly deaf, very obese, extremely smelly, and quite senile dog. She’s 16. She eats, sleeps, and farts. That’s about it. Her twilight years are full of simple pleasures.

    The Offspring wanted a puppy so bad, but I don’t think the old lady could hang. So, we got them kittens for Christmas. Enter: Les and Ruth.

    Let me state for the record…I am not a cat person. But then, 2 weeks ago I found the grouchiest looking kitty evah. Enter: Ira.

    Good God. I’m turning into a cat person.

  • Teresa

    Last night Anna and I went to a co-op CLASS about how to make polenta! What does that make me? But it was fun and mostly about enjoying good food. And yeah, polenta seems ridiculously easy. It should become a new staple. Anna loved it.

  • Elizabeth

    I know this is an old, old thread but I couldn’t help but respond. I, too, have those kind of allergies, so I feel your pain. As for “You are not your khakis”- I bought my first pair of khakis two weeks ago. I’m 39. I kept them for 48 hours, decided that I couldn’t bring myself to wear khakis and returned them. All hail black and denim. BTW, our daughters sound incredibly alike.