I went to the gym today. I know. How clichéd – going to the gym on freaking January 2. There were like 17 billion people there, all of them looking super interested and impressed with themselves. I know I was.
New Year’s Resolutions.
I also went to the grocery store, where there was an inordinate number of people in the vegetable aisle.
I think not.
And I totally get it. I fall into the New Year’s Resolution trap. It feels all fresh and new and possible, you know, to start a new way of living, abandon old habits or take on new ones or get skinny or rich or married or whatever.
So as I mentioned yesterday, I’ve decided to jot down a few of my resolutions for 2012. Though I’ve called it Slacker Resolutions 2012, it could also be entitled “The Aim Low List”, or “I’m never going to do any of this shit anyway so let’s set low expectations to avoid excessive disappointment.”
To get my mind rolling, I Googled “most common New Year’s resolutions” and pulled the top 10. Then I modified them a bit, you know, to fit.
Resolution 1: Spend more time with family and friends.
Slacker modification: Stop telling my husband I want a divorce every time we fight.
Resolution 2: Eat healthier food.
Slacker modification: Stop eating chocolate in the middle of the night.
Resolution 3: Exercise.
Slacker modification: Park in the far-away spot immediately, as opposed to circling the lot 9 times hoping a closer one opens up.
Resolution 4: Enjoy life more/be less stressed
Slacker modification: Stop saying “fuck” so often in front of the children.
Resolution 5: Quit drinking.
Slacker modification: Buahahahahaha already did that one.
Resolution 6: Get out of debt.
Slacker modification: Demand that my husband handle that whole debt situation immediately. If not sooner.
Resolution 7: Learn something new.
Slacker modification: Complete one craft.
Resolution 8: Travel to new places.
Slacker modification: Order something new at the taco truck.
Resolution 9: Help others/volunteer.
Slacker modification: Huh?
Resolution 10: Get organized.
Slacker modification: Stop basing laundry decisions on how many pairs of clean underwear are in my drawer.
I don’t know, but I think this is a pretty solid list.
Slightly unrealistic (particularly the not saying fuck one), but still, pretty solid.
And you? What are your slacker resolutions?
No really, do tell.
This could get good.