Hey, Hi. I want off your parenting team.

by renegademama

Last week we had the 20 week ultrasound, but we didn’t find out the sex of the baby. And no, I’m not “team green.”

Please don’t call me “team green.”

I want off your team. I want off all cutely named mothering “teams.” I mean seriously. Is there some sort of secret mafia of mothers hiding in some bunker somewhere, sitting around all day thinking up cute shit? Baby sprinkles! Push presents! Gender reveals! Team green!

I’m team “Fuck your teams.”

I’m team “Just trying not to yell today.”

I’m team “What’s that shit on the floor of my car?”

Sometimes, I’m team “WHO ARE THESE CHILDREN AND WHY ARE THEY EVERYWHERE?”

I suppose I could be on the “attachment” team, since I dig homebirth and breastfeeding and baby-wearing and co-sleeping, but don’t you DARE call me an “attachment” parent because check this out, people: I fed my third baby FORMULA.

Oh yeah. I did.

Hello, my name is Janelle, and I supplemented my third kid with devil dust.

I tried pumping while working. I really did. I did it for months. I wanted to slam chopsticks in my eyeballs. Hauling the pump day in and day out. Cleaning it nightly. The TERROR of not having enough milk. Forgetting it in the car and having to throw away the liquid gold – hours of work and toil, gone. It spiraled down the drain with my tears and soul.

I was going insane. For my own well-being I had to let go. And yes. I admit it. When she was 7 months old I sent her to the nanny’s with a couple sacks of formula and it was the greatest fucking moment of my life.

Incidentally, she nursed until she was two. Just sayin’.

Maybe I could be one of those eco-hippie-mamas because I use lemons for deodorant and make my own hand salve, but I use plastic diapers, people. PLASTIC. Also cloth. But also plastic. WHAT ABOUT THE LANDFILLS? And I use Lysol cause frankly, I like the smell. And I don’t wear all organic repurposed hemp from local vendors and sometimes I eat Costco polish sausages.

Which reminds me, get me off the organic non-GMO health team. Another no-go. I try. I try not to eat processed foods. I try not to eat a bunch of sugar and crap and whatever.

But see above re: Costco. Also donuts. Also ice cream.

You see? You see the problem here? I can’t live up to your damn expectations. I can’t hang.

Keep your labels off my pathetic ass!

It’s not that I have anything against attachment moms or eco-tree-huggers or health people or Team Green or any of them, it’s just that the SECOND you stick that label on my forehead is the SECOND I FALL DESPERATELY AND TERRIBLY SHORT and walk around feeling less than and like I’ve betrayed something. My people. My team.

See, these teams, they’re gonna want me to abide by principles. They’re gonna want me to be consistent – adhere to guidelines and tried-and-true methods. But I can’t. I just can’t. I’m a great starter. Terrible finisher. Profoundly inconsistent. Excellent intentions, invariably poor execution, particularly in critical parenting moments.

What? What’s that you say? These are all loose guidelines to be tailored to each individual family? LIES.

All lies.

You and I both know that if I walk into an attachment parenting group announcing that the day I handed the babysitter a couple sacks of non-organic formula was among the finest moments of my life is the day holes are burned into my forehead from the death stares of the happily nursing.

Oh yeah I know. I’m exaggerating. Of course I am. None of this is that serious.

Except that I am deadly fucking serious. I want off all teams. ALL OF THEM.

I want nothing to do with any branch of parenting that has a name, approach, brand, label, representative book, magazine, spokesperson or Babycenter forum name.

On T.V. and in books and magazines and Facebook they all look so comfortable in their teams, so secure in their identities as this or that “mama.” Their smart parenting choices and thoughtful discipline techniques.

The other day I looked at my kid and asked, quite seriously, “No for real, what the hell is wrong with you?”

I apologized, but still. I’m pretty sure that move ain’t in Parenting from the Heart. Dr. Sears is officially not supporting that tactic.

Yesterday Georgia watched approximately twelve episodes of Handy Manny. Do the math, people. Do the math.

She should be playing with Amish carts and brown-skinned Waldorf dolls bought on Etsy, but instead she’s singing “Todos juntos!” with her face 4-inches from her brother’s Kindle Fire.

And yet, here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with my 4th kid, hanging out with 3 perfectly healthy, thriving older kids, walking along happy as can be, mostly.

Team “Always falling short.” Team “I cook sometimes.” Team “Twice a year I do crafty shit.”

Team Human.

Team This is What I’ve Got.

Team Join Me in Reality.

Interested?

We’ll throw our hands in and cheer and stuff. And then show up late to all the practices, or forget them altogether.

And realize finally in a moment of total desperation that maybe we’re all on the same damn team anyway, so who really fucking cares? We’re just calling it different names to feel a little better about our shortcomings, our wanderings, our profound lack of direction, going nowhere, perfectly. A bunch of fucked-up mothers doing the job. And doing it well.

Or sort of well, depending on the day.

Team “On my own with you, doing whatever I do while you do what you do and we both try to not ruin small people.”

Yep. There it is. My people. My team.

Glad you’re here.

 

more stuff I shouldn't have said out loud:

272 Comments | Posted in I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING HERE. | January 16, 2014
  • Freya

    I am so on your god damn team. Thank you so so much for keeping it real because so often i feel as if I should be walking around wearing some kind of sign identifying me as the kind of mum who occasionally feeds her kids chocolate mousse for lunch, because that is all they’ll eat that week. One didn’t get dressed until 1 pm today, the other – i can’t remember when she last had a bath. I AM TEAM HUMAN. AMAZING. fx

  • Carrie

    Team Join Me in Reality. I love it! Sign me up.

  • Amanda

    AMEN! I’m in agreement with Team Reality as well as just going with the flow day by day. Great article!

  • Lana

    Team “Lighten-the-Fuck-Up People”…..I’m in!! xxoo

  • Cheryl S.

    THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I’m on team reality too!
    Team “I formula fed because I had PPD so bad I was batshit fucking crazy and needed serious meds”
    Team “My 8 y/o ate a piece of leftover pizza at 9pm last night, but she also drank freshly juiced mixed berry juice earlier, so I’m calling it a win”
    TEAM “I love you more than my life, but if you don’t go to bed I will kill you”

    TEAM HUMAN.

  • t @ Happy Soul Project

    I’d like to join please… This is brilliant…

  • Jenny

    Oh holy shit this is me! I’m an organic farmer that makes 100% of my income from raising awesome, clean foods but dammit I love doughnuts, and greasy dinner food, and nachos and hotdogs from the concession stand at any sporting event.

    • Andrea

      I live the smell of Lysol too, but it makes me horribly ill! So after I juice a lemon, I put it in a litre jar with plain old vinegar, and keep doing so, over time, until the jar is full. Then I strain out the liquid, saving it, and put it in a spray bottle. It works even better than store cleaners. Plus I get to use the halved lemon peels as disposable scrubbies. 😉 Win-win, since all it costs my is a buck or so for vinegar, and I don’t get sick. Also, you’d be able to say you’re crafty more than twice a year. lol

      • Daw

        I’m so going to do this, never heard of it before. I’ve just been using vinegar but don’t really like the smell, but lemons, YUMMMMM!

  • Bad Egg

    If there *was* a team, I’d be on yours.

  • Brinny

    So much love for this post. So much love for your frankness and ability to convey EXACTLY WHAT I’M FEELING TOO.

    I especially love “Team “twice a year I do crafty shit”.” That line had me laughing so hard I almost peed myself.

    Thanks for your amazing blog. You keep rocking.
    Peace and love.

  • Katy

    “Dr. Sears is officially not supporting that tactic” made me snort-laugh.

    • Darcy

      First time I read it, I thought you wrote “Dr. Seuss is officially not supporting that tactic.” Not sure what I thought about it after that…

      BTW I want on your non-team!!! I’d fit right in!

  • Kateri Von Steal

    I think if I were to label my Parenting Team… it be “Team Suck Less Try to Try Harder”

    But.. yeah… I just want to do the best I can…. and not be judged for it.

    20 weeks? Jeez louise, time is flying.

  • Bonnie

    Holy Freakin Cow I love this. I don’t fit into any teams nor do I want to. It seems to me a lot of them promote the herd mentality which I am not down with. I’m going to do what is right for me and my family. My first baby was bottle fed as well, because *gasp* I too got sick of pumping. This one is being exclusively breast fed. I have gotten odd snooty looks for both. You just can’t win with some of these moms, but I don’t really care to. Go you and do what you feel is best. Screw the teams.

  • lisa

    Can we have not team t-shirts???? I think I need a join me in reality t shirt for real.

    • Amy

      I would so rock a “Join me in Reality” t shirt. Every.damn.day.

  • Claire

    o m g I love you so much – THANK YOU!

  • Claire

    also – what the hell is “team green”?

    • angie

      Team Green means you’re not finding out the sex of the baby until its born.

      • Jacqui

        SHUT. UP. That’s a thing? Seriously? Sweet Jesus… Well, technically I was on “Team Orange” because we didn’t find out the sex of ours and everything we bought was orange…because it’s my favorite color. Team Green? Ugh!!!

      • Jacqui

        This is the first mommy blog post that I haven’t spat on my computer while shouting “Oh, go fuck yourself!” Thanks!!!

    • Tammy

      Is it because since you don’t know Boy or Girl, you also don’t know Blue or Pink? So Green is (ahem) gender neutral?

      • Ellie

        Shouldn’t it be team purple then? That’s right between blue and pink on the colour wheel. Geen doesn’t make sense at all to me.
        I mean Team Green to me means that it is of an environmentally friendly mentality.

        • Anastasia

          Yeah I thought team green ment eco friendly too, I feel like yellow is gender neutral!

          • Kitty

            I’m 19 weeks and I have no idea what this ‘team’ stuff is about. Why are people who need all the help they can get fighting over priciples? And what the hell are ‘Mommy wars’? On second thought, I really don’t want to know…..

        • Missy

          Team green for the color of the clothes that you will get at your showers. Not pink or blue…the wardrobe will be full of greens.

  • Ann

    Babycenter forum. Hahahahaha! That site is the devil.

  • mel

    Came across your blog two days ago-thank fuck for some normal out there!! I’m a first timer and 26wks along, in uk people label themselves ‘team yellow’ if not finding out and it makes me cringe… I’m feeling same – to boob or not, it will all pan out and givig a shit on what the other mums think is sheepland and not for me… plus, these nipples aint for cracking…. cheers for the sanity jab!

  • kimi

    This is by far the best momism I have read yet!

  • Cassie

    I needed this desperately today. Thank you for sharing.

    Team Whatever the Fuck it is that gets us through the day

  • Stephanie

    Go Team Human!!

  • Anne

    “And realize finally in a moment of total desperation that maybe we’re all on the same damn team anyway, so who really fucking cares? We’re just calling it different names to feel a little better about our shortcomings, our wanderings, our profound lack of direction, going nowhere, perfectly. A bunch of fucked-up mothers doing the job. And doing it well” AMEN SISTER!!!!!!

  • Amanda D

    I absolutely love this! I have thought this many, many, many times, but never said outloud. THANK YOU! I am so happy to know I am not the only one!

  • Tracey

    Heh. I think more of us are actually on the non-team team than you realize. I totally understand the frustration of not knowing where you “fit in” but I think it means that you “fit in” everywhere. Being 20 weeks pregnant can make one a TAD bit ready to claw the eyes from anyone who looks at us crosswise, and rightfully so.

    What IS team green, anyway?

    • Lolo

      I agree, Tracey! I just think there isn’t a public place for us “non-teamers” to unite in solidarity. Because we are anti public unions. It’s a vicious cycle. 🙂

  • Rachel

    Where do you leave that is so competitive? I’ve never been subject to any of that. Just the fun of being a mom. Come to Reno. It is safe here.

  • Dawn

    Thus one might go viral! Go Team Reality!

  • V

    Ha. In a moment of total frustration, I called my 5 year old an asshole yesterday. As in “No seriously, you are being an asshole.” And he answered, all indignant, “I am NOT an assboat, mommmy”. And we all laughed. I agreed that he wasn’t an assboat, and that I was sorry (even though I really meant it and I was secretly, in my heart, sooo not sorry). Voila! Tense moment diffused.

    • Team 'I Cuss Too!'

      I told my three year old that he needed a sibling because I didn’t want him to become a spoiled, asshole brat. I added that he already had the spoiled and asshole part covered and that a sibling would prevent the “brat”.

      He responded that he wanted a baby sister and continued playing.

  • Virginia

    Gaa I KNOW! Seriously, labels are serve too often as a way of excluding, oversimplifying and overlooking real life scanarios/people! My husband and I get the hippie one a lot follow by giggles and dismissal for our “sustainable” thinking ways. Right because we got our head in the clouds…let’s frack the earth some more!

  • Virginia

    Gaa I KNOW! Seriously, labels are serve too often as a way of excluding, oversimplifying and overlooking real life scenarios/people! My husband and I get the hippie one a lot follow by giggles and dismissal for our “sustainable” thinking ways. Right because we got our head in the clouds…let’s frack the earth some more!

  • Jennifer

    I’m on Team I’m Gonna Eat Those Words Later So I Don’t Make Promises I Can’t Keep.

    I also fed my kids Devil Dust. They are fine. Mostly. I don’t think I can blame formula for the nutbars I have in my house. I mean, they have ME for a mom and all….

    • Camber

      Lol! I have 3 kids. 2 I breastfed exclusively, the middle child, my son, well, it just wasn’t working and he was formula fed from about week 2. I swear, of the 3, he is the smartest, most well balanced! Go figure!

  • Sarah

    If I had a team it would be “Team Mind your own damn business”. I often laugh when people are so concerned with the parenting choices I make while their kids either grown or still small are a shining example of limited emotional intelligence and coping skills per their “perfect” style of rearing. I’ll F@*# up my kids all on my own thank you very much….and yes I even fed them cookies for breakfast the other day as we were late to school and I needed them to actually eat something before we left…the shame! The horror! I’m waiting for some hippy protest outside my house from Whole Foods employees any minute.

    The devil dust action had me spitting coffee across my kitchen. Thank you for always blending the perfect mixture of outrage, sarcasm, self deprivation, and love in your posts. You remind me to laugh and have compassion for myself and others. You are loved.

    • Sue Tait

      I am a grandmother. My daughter is 49. When she was 18 months old my pediatrician fussed at me for giving her pancakes for breakfast. I told him I’d rather see pancakes going down her throat than scrambled eggs going on the FLOOR. I can SOOO Relate to cookies for breakfast! You keep on doing what you are doing…. YAY for Sarah, and yay for “Team Mind Your Own Damn Business”. Love it~~!!!!

  • Megan

    This is completely how I feel. An ever-evolving fuck-up most of the time who’s been put in control of two other humans who are nothing like me, despite the fact that I grew them in my body. This shit is hard. Hard every day. I’m trying desperately to be better, but living in the hipster town I live in makes me feel judged every day by getting pissed if they’re splashing in a puddle when we have to go to the Dr. or yelling when they won’t allow me to buckle them into carseats. I’m doing my best, ladies. Don’t give me the evil eye. I don’t know what happens in your household, but I bet you have moments just like mine. Thanks, Janelle, for putting it into perspective for me…AGAIN.

  • Agnieszka

    That was absofuckinglutely refreshing.

  • Amy Hunt

    Oh, yeah! Totally on your team.

  • Tonia

    Preach!

  • Meg Worden

    Team Human. Team Janelle.

  • Tracey a.k.a. KidLit

    *climbs up on the nearest table and applauds loudly*

    The only “team” I am is Team Me. I can hear it now “eh… there’s no I in team… eh.” Shut up! I isn’t, but “ME” is… well sort of. Backwards and seperated. But so am I! Huh!

    Team Me! Although, now that I think about it, I can hold up to my own standards. I tend to think I suck, so… maybe not.

    Never mind. Teams suck.

  • Tiffany

    Yes. Yes. Yes. I want in. Please let me know when the next team meeting is so I can come. Or not. Or say that I’m coming so I can post it on facebook. And then not.

    Tired of the labels as well.

    My sister and I call this “Darwinian Parenting” – survival of the fittest baby.

  • Heather

    I wanted to cry reading this! I wake up everyday so stressed and depressed from all the pressure…my kids eat cereal, as in capt crunch,lucky charms, fruit loops, I’d get a really funny look from my kids if I tried giving them cream of wheat or corn flakes. Mornings are NOT my thing so there have been times my son had been late because I needed to sleep. And as I’m writing this(930am) my 6 year old who just woke up is playing on the tablet in her pjs and probably won’t eat until right before pm k starts. My house is trashed but I have no get up and go to do anything. Now I’m just rambling, but thank you for this! Ill still feel like a failure everyday, but reading how you feel helps me feel more normal

  • Kristin

    Love. I once went to the local Co-op mom get together thing and walked in with my kiddo in a stroller with a binky in her mouth and they had a speaker there talking about the importance of baby-wearing. Everyone turned and looked at me with disapproving looks. I started laughing. I do baby wear often, but I also use a stroller. Literally there was a woman in there that said she had 3 children and would wear one on the front, one on the back and hold one on her hip. Needless to say she had crazy back problems… I wish everyone would just focus on trying to do what they can. 🙂 Being a parent is hard fucking work and there is no reason to add mommy judging/teams to the cards.

  • Jay Anne

    You’re hilariously honest. I love it.

  • Erin

    <3 devil dust! I wouldn't have survived my first year without it.

    • Sue

      OMG, Devil Dust… I didn’t even have that, I fed mine whole milk with white Karo syrup in it! She is FINE, 49 years old, got 4 kids of her own All healthy…. Every Mom out there needs to just Relax, Do what you think is right, and quit second-guessing yourself. In my day we were told to bottlefeed, it was “better” than breastmilk, they told us to lay the baby on it’s side, not her back to sleep, they told us not to hold our babies Except when we were giving them a bottle, or we would spoil them, they also said not to listen to anyone else but OUR DOCTOR (who thinks “MD” is latin for GOD!) Our kids grew up in spite of all that. In the next decade you will probably hear that “wearing” your kid is bad, and organic foods are deadly, as well as discovering that breastmilk is TOXIC! I repeat, JUST RELAX~ Your kids will be fine too… It will all be OKAY.

  • Mel

    Team “does Pinterest count as actually doing creative shit with your toddler?'” Sometimes I’m guilty of Team “rolling my eyes at over-earnestness” (but I think that’s tautology, plus occasionally earnestness can be sweet). Really loved this post.

  • Kim

    Oh my shit, yes. All of that. My motto through pregnancy, that has persisted into every other damn aspect of this motherhood thing (five months strong) is: it is what it is. That’s it. I take it as it comes. All of it.

    Team human. Yes. The labels. Oh dear heavens the damn labels (and consequential shaming) need to stop.

    • Kain

      “It is what it is,”is also my motto. As a new mom, and then for awhile later on, I tried to act as the other moms at the preschool, or at get togethers, and I fell pathetically short. They with their trendy clothes, perfect hair and makeup, and practically pre-baby bodies, all their children wearing ONLY brand name clothes (Carter’s can bite me!), $50 baby shoes that would only be worn for 2-3 months til they were outgrown, and fantastic stories of the amazing sex they were having with their partners while perfect Jr. slept through the goddamn night. And then there’s me, on the sidelines looking in and wondering what the hell I was doing so wrong. After 4 children, the oldest 21 and the youngest almost 12, I can say I may have looked like Shit for a good amount of those years, but I have the kindest, well-rounded, and realistic kids who to the oldest ones credit, have never been delinquents, and have become amazing and productive human beings. My third is slightly mentally disabled, but has a heart of gold, and my youngest is quite the old soul. My life has been and IS what it is, and I wouldn’t change a God Damn Thing.

  • Liz (fellow mom of 4)

    I think I love you.

  • Julie

    I’d love to be on your team!!! Sounds like a great place to be 🙂

    My first was formula fed. I spent 10 difficult weeks trying to nurse her. It was awful. The day we switched to formula was the best day of both of our lives. And then I spent the next 12 months shielding myself from the evil eyes of the mothers who were not formula feeding.

    My only question, if I join your team, am I required to do the two times a year crafty thing? I really don’t do crafts with my kids. Ever.

  • clarice

    I just met you. But I think I love you. I nodded and laughed through that whole post.

  • Julie

    Hey, we all do what we freakin’ can! And i agree, when you stop trying to “fit in” and be proper and correct and so on… as a parent or as a human, it’s so much easier. If your kids are healthy and happy (most of the time), you’re doing a good job! Teams are overrated!

  • Okayest Mom

    Thank you for this! Love it.

    • lisaeggs

      And I love your “Okayest Mom” name! 🙂

  • Jennelle

    I’m so on your team!

  • Sarah Murray

    Can I add another team I’m not on? “Team Special”
    That is: “Special kids (aka disabled kids) are given to Special Parents.

    I am definitely not that, although my son is of course special 🙂

    • Becki

      Oh my goodness! My son has special needs as well. If I hear one more time that special kids are given to special parents, I will stab my ear drums out. That shit drives me insane. Seriously people, don’t antagonize me. Don’t give me pity. My kid is just as happy as yours.

  • Alisha Merrick

    Hahaha! I decided to award myself with a mom of the year award via a parody I wrote, but I think all moms who are living in reality deserve the award too! Here’s to you and your renegade mothering! Hope you enjoy! http://youtu.be/U4jIe4VfajM If you do enjoy, there are some other real mom moment parodies on our channel involving poopy diapers and bedtime battles, etc! http://www.youtube.com/user/AlishafoundEden

  • Mambolica

    I am not a parent, but I completely support non-teams for everything. Fuck teams. I’m tired of failing to qualify for life teams. So yes, this.

  • Melanie

    I’ve never posted on a blog before. I’m a reader — I usually just move on when I’m done. But I’m offering high praise here for something so refreshing and brutally honest. I love your bitter humour because, in truth, it’s all a joke isn’t it? If you can’t laugh about the madness of raising kids, then it will get the best of you.

    I wish I’d been able to see things in that light when my kids were babies and I was so desperate to do it ‘right’; doubting myself constantly, getting conflicting advice at every turn. I wish someone had just said: “Do what works best for your family right now. Not everything you try will work: if it doesn’t, try something else, if it does, enjoy it while it lasts.”

    Kids change constantly. It is part of their normal growth and ever evolving understanding of the world to push limits and test everything. The only way to survive is to accept change as part of the process and roll with it.

  • Alex

    Well, I couldn’t breastfeed my kids, because I don’t have breasts. I am a guy, and I have a penis, so I am already on the wrong team for start. Team Penis. Not a great T shirt.

    But, I wholeheartedly empathise with what you are going through. Not the pregnancy stuff (thank Christ) but the parenting thing. I am out of work, have been for 10 months, and have been looking after my two kids on my own since my wife returned to her day job in August. And while I love my kids with my whole heart, I have never wanted to be employed as much as I do now.

    You should see the looks I get in public when I go out wearing my 1 year old in a carrier while my 2 1/2 year old either walks alongside or rides in the buggy. People often look at me with a smile on their face, like I am poster child for Team Perfect Dad, only to be one step away from calling social services when my boy tried to grab chocolate from the store shelf and I tell him off and threaten to amputate fingers if he does it again. Team Say Whatever The Fuck Will Work In Any Given Situation.

    I don’t want to be on any specific team. I will be on whatever goddam team gets me from one minute to the next without losing my children or what’s left of my mind.

    Thank you for this post. You have made me feel a little less isolated…

  • Angela

    I’m team “just trying to keep them alive.”

    • lisaeggs

      Oh, I am SO on that team.

    • lisaeggs

      YES!

      I am on Team This is What I’ve Got.

      I love, “Do the math people. Do the math”. 🙂

      20 weeks! You’re at least half way there, and then it’s baby breath, the big pay-off! YAY!!!!
      xoxoxo

  • Janessa

    I laughed so hard I drooled, yet was shuddering with my own PTSD from the point of chopsticks slamming into eyeballs, to the terror associated with not enough milk and liquid gold going down the drain along with your tears and soul..!!!!! Pretty sure my next form of therapy is coming from being on your team. You make me want to buy devil dust. I’m in!!!!

  • Fanny

    Beautiful and brilliant. Crying and laughing as I’m reading it. Sharing the shit out of this on the Effbook tonight. Thank you for being a voice of sanity and reason out there. Thank you.

    From team my 3yo has his own iPhone.

  • Jessica

    You are my hero!

  • Jessica

    I seriously think I love you. I know you want off all teams but if you decide to start one of your own I’m totally there! 🙂

  • Faith Lundeen

    Im “in”

  • Jen

    This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read!

  • Sarah H

    Team “sometimes my 4 y/o plays Angry Birds until he falls asleep”.

  • heidy de la puente

    Ditto to all of it!!

  • Rachel

    Yes! I feel you. I feel like this all the damn time.

  • Karen Loethen

    I am SO on Team Don’t Join Teams!!!!

  • Rachael

    We really do need to be friends. Like seriously. You are my favorite parenting team member right now. Woah. I absolutely love this. “Team I’m a working mom so I don’t kill my kid” right here!!

  • Chrissy

    AMEN!

  • Lisa F

    TEAM IDGAF FOR THE WIN!!!

  • Genny

    Ha. I am preggo with #2 right now and I have big plans to sort of do OK this time. 6 out of 10 for the win!

  • Leela

    After reading your post and the comments I feel sooooo much better about beating the tar out of my two oldest during pillow fights! It released a lot of pent up frustration with them and they don’t actually get hurt, except the occasional pillowcase corner in the face. I’ll admit, that does sting. I’m so glad to find other like-minded moms in this world! Side note, my oldest was also fed devil dust after failed pumping attempts at work. She’s as normal as an almost seven year old can be!

    • Kerrie

      Pillows and damp sponges, works every time. They get to laugh and play, I get out much pent up aggression. Win-win.

  • Leela

    And in my own defense the monster-child I call daughter started the pillow fight by ambushing me from behind, in the HEAD!

  • Eddie

    YES TO ALL OF THIS. God, I feel your pain. How about just Team Let’s Get To The Next Day Without Going Broke or Getting Injured? What about Team Failing At Teaching My Kid Courtesy? The cutesy parent-labeling stuff is not just a way to make people feel better about themselves, but it’s also a method for exclusion and superiority. Each parent is different, and it’s the people who pigeonhole themselves and wear it proudly that drive me up the fuckin’ wall. Be yourselves and raise your kids to be respectful and respectable… that’s all we really need or want.

  • jen

    I am on my 4th teenage daughter. We told them all several years ago that we have no idea what we’re doing and that we’d like them to know that. They think we’re a mess. They are right! I told them not to look up to us and to go find their career advice from my cousins.

  • Morine

    Thank you. I am in tears of laughter and agreement. Well said

  • Chelsea @ Someday I'll Learn

    Amen. Today, I’m team “Why NOT watch six episodes of Jake and the Neverland Pirates in a row? We’ll play outside tomorrow!”

  • Brandi

    I’m all about team keeping my kids alive and fed and mostly happy. Awesome post!

  • Nella

    We’re all on the same team. 🙂 Saw this on FB, I’ll be back.

  • FeistyIrishWench

    YUS!!!!! This is sooo my team.

  • Misty

    AMEN! Thank you for your vulnerability and awesomeness!!!! I will be reposting this!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

  • Jennifer

    I always cry when I read your blog. It’s such a relief.

  • Lindsay

    So glad to know I’m not alone!!! Thankyou ladies! I’ve never been good with labels
    anyways…

  • Janice McClean

    I am a seven time momma … three grown bio girls and four small adopted people … I have parented (practically) two generations of kids and I think that it is way harder now than it was twenty years ago. Not only do we now have to deal with ‘scientists’ screwing around every week, telling us air or water or dyer lint is now carcinogenic, but Pinterest can make us simultaneously inadequate in EVERY sphere of our lives by showing us what the cool, mythical Mommas are doing to improve the brain function and social quotient of their babies while they cross train and prepare cordon bleu menus with ingredients grown by Buddhist monks using only yak poo.
    Team Good Enough! Team They Are All Still Breathing At Bedtime! Team I Wouldn’t Want To Be Friends With Those Over-Achievers Anyway!!!
    That’s why God made wine and chocolate, ladies!!

    • FeistyIrishWench

      I have kids crossing more than one generation too. I totally agree.

  • Jeff

    Huzzah! I am not a Mom, so I can’t be on your team. In fact, I haven’t even spawned yet, so not being a parent, I don’t think I can even be in your league. But I wanted to leave a note to let you know that I find this blog post to be sublimely amazeballs and that I admire the living hell out of you. One day, when The Wife and I have finally gotten around to experiencing the miracle of pregnancy and parenthood (Read: Gotten drunk enough to knock her up and then spend nine months repeating the phrase “Holy shit” over and over and over.) I hope to be as wise and insightful and BOSS as you are. In my life now, I work with and mentor parents, families and kids who deal with a disability that can be extremely limiting and daunting, and your words here I feel like I could have preached to them thousands of times myself. So cheers on really “getting it” and having such a badass and funny and inspiring approach. I’m not on your team, but I am definitely on your side.

  • Bianca

    Ha! Genius!

  • thisfarmwife

    Amen. Thank you for this! A fellow mom once told me her labels for her friends….I was the organic CSA hippy mom. It gave me chills. I was honored she thought so – but gasp! I so don’t measure up-as in been known to get my coffee at McDonald’s drive through, can’t resist a good romance novel, full of shortcomings mama. Thanks for your honesty!!!

  • Jenny

    Team get your tubes tied. Team wash your mouth out with soap! Team anger management class!

  • April

    I had so much fun reading this post and the comments! Your blog officially has a new fan!

  • MomAgain

    Thank you.

  • Jen

    I’m so a member of your team. I aspire to be the mom who cooks every meal, always has creative, fun activities lined up for the kiddo, who grows her own veggies and buys organic, and has an endless well of patience to draw from. But, you know, life happens. Oh, and I’m lazy. Thanks for keeping it real!

  • Erin T

    This is my favorite Blog post in history of Blogs! Seriously! I laughed so hard and I’ve never been so validated as a “just trying to get through it” mom! I think we could be best friends!! lol!

  • Cara O'Shea

    Thank you!

  • threenorns

    finally i belong!!!!!

  • Michie

    My friend just posted this on facebook randomly, lol. I loved the entire post. I wanted to say Amen to just about all of it – in fact, AMEN sister, freakin’ AMEN. It ain’t always pretty, but kids need to see that we’re human.

  • Kim

    Team Criticize My Parenting and I Will Go All Apeshit on You Because No One Loves My Kids More Than I Do!

  • Elizabeth

    Love love love! Awesome post. Thank you for your realness. You rock!

  • Chris Dawson

    I LOVE this. I am out the other side of much of this shit by now–my daughter is 14–but I remember the withering looks from the other Ithaca moms and dads when they would see the disposable diaper sticking out the top of my girl’s pants on the playground.

    Now write one about the parent bragging that often comes with this attitude 🙂

    http://c-dawson.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-kid-could-beat-up-your-kid.html

  • Tara Candido

    word.

  • Jenn

    I am on team “screw that, the kids are at school and I’m taking a nap” also team “sure, you can have cake for breakfast, just call me Mrs. Cosby” I am sure I can come up with a few others too, but my kids are happy healthy, and they make me proud. So I guess that means I am team “our way is just fine for us”

  • W.Lou

    You are AWESOME! Thank you so much for posting this!
    I am from the “got my fucking phD in psychology because my baby’s daddy (Pediatric Neuropsychologist) was abusing us and after 17 years as a stay at home I was thrown to the curb with three kids and no support – still, $45,000 in arrears!-and no one was fucking taking our home!”. So having thrown those credentials out there, I have to say most parents are way tooo uptight, except those that aren’t and could use to be ! For the most part in my work with children and families over the past 15+ years, I find those parents/ kids that do well are those that know the golden rule…..all will be well. except when it isn’t and you better take care of your adult self or you won’t have anything left to give those shorties following you around calling you Mom! good luck, stay in touch.

  • Amanda

    Any chance you live in Edmonton? Cause I could use a mum like you in my life right about now. We seem to be the same team, right down to the incoming baby #4.

    Except I actually like doing crafty shit. But on a non-team that’s okay!

  • Emma

    What the shit is Team Green?!

    Also: you rock.

    That is all.

  • Shannon

    Team “my kid had a non-organic hot dog and some gummies for lunch”
    Team “She only had devil dust because i couldn’t breast feed but i co-sleep cuz it’s easier.”
    Team “after she learned to say mommy next was elmo from watching a plethora of sesame street”

    I think you may be my mommy soulmate.

  • William Munsey

    I can’t speak to being a mom, but as the an imperfect father… I love your blogpost.

    Here’s to Team Imperfect Human Beings.

  • Sally

    Bless all of you out there doing your best! So I’m a mother of a grown child. He and his wife are definitely on all of the teams and sometimes I wonder how my own parenting style may have lead to this extreme behavior! In other words, questioning yourself doesn’t end, even when you are a grandmother. I’ve become pretty good (not perfect) at shrugging it all off, and stand back as a witness to this “new” (is it new?) parenting “stuff” with wonder (how long can this perfect parenting thing go on?). Once in a while I worry about my grandchild and applaud her little rebellions (survival of the fittest child!). All of you … be nice to yourself and to other parents. It will be over in a blink of an eye and no matter what the teams think about you or about themselves, the truth is that no one does this perfectly. Doing the best you can with what you got is enough. My generation survived with (back facing) car seats or even seatbelts, for heaven’s sake!

  • Sally

    Thanks for giving me a good laugh on this topic!! It all seems so damned serious out there.

  • Joelle

    Holy hell, dude, I just laughed my ass off!! I hear you, and I wish those Team Assholes would too. We are all just trying to do our best here, and these little guys don’t come with manuals. If they did, we would frickin’ study!! Whatever. I’m sure your kids, like mine, are fine. Good Job, Mamma, good job.

  • NL813

    I love this. Thank you for writing so honestly! More power to you, Mama!

  • rebecca

    I am 39+ weeks pregnant. I drank coke while I read this. Thanks for being so frank.

  • Kim

    Team my kid watched “What Does the Fox Say” 14 times in a row today.

  • Karen Osburn

    Brilliant, and thank you! The more real we become about the challenges of motherhood, the better. And away with the labels and the mom shaming. That train has left the building as far as I”m concerned. Thank you for your authenticity and brutal honesty. Beautiful.

  • Dave

    I agree with all your points…and know there’s plenty of “teams” out there…but perhaps because I’m a Dad (of three under 3) and not a Mom, I almost never run into any other parent “offering” me their thoughts. And on the rare occasions they do, I’ve never thought for a second their thoughts mattered…or should influence me in any way. Only two conditions apply here, either I’m talking to someone who’s opinion I respect, in which case, I’m interested and engaged, and happy to reflect on thoughts given. Or, the other person is someone who I either don’t know, or who’s opinion I don’t value…in which case, whatever they say is completely irrelevant…has nothing worth getting pissed about.

  • 2dragons

    I’m team ” single parent of twin toddlers so whatever the fuck gets us through the day without stabbing someone” anyone can join my team as long as they bring drinks.

  • Kelly

    I wish I had seen this 12 years ago with my first. I live in an area where nearly every mom stays at home and dedicates her entire life – awake and asleep – to her children. We’re talking home birthing, breast feeding until 5, baby and toddler wearing, organic everything, cloth diapers, sleep with us until your 10 kinda moms. I work outside the home and I still get questions like “Do you have to work?” or “Did you try staying home” or my favorite “We wondered if your child had a mom”. I have never understood why we as women can’t just support one another. Why we can’t we admit that its hard and no one gets it perfect? I’m for your team or mine – team good enough – team the kids are fed and no one died so let’s just celebrate that and move on. Good for you for standing up.

  • Kylie

    This is soo true thanks for saying what I was thinking 😉

  • Jessica

    You had me at “Hey.” I love you.

    http://www.breakingthemommamold.com

  • Lu

    Well said!

  • Bob Ierien

    Amen, and amen, and A-FREAKING-MEN!!! Thank you for saying something that has needed saying for a long time! When my first daughter was born, she had trouble nursing. (Turns out she had an undiagnosed tummy problem.) Her mother had been so indoctrinated by the nursing Nazis and the breastfeeding Mafia that she wept inconsolably when our doctor told us to supplement with formula until my daughter got up to speed. She between the stress, the lack of sleep and the unnecessary guilt, she went into a major depression. My daughter is now seven, incredibly smart, incredibly gifted, sweet, kind, funny and amazing. Her mom is a great mom. And the fact that she needed formula as a newborn to get her off to a good start is no big deal. But there are still people who gasp and get that judgmental look in their eye when I mention that my daughter got formula. To hell with them, and with the awful things we do to expectant mothers. It’s time we stopped letting the baby book industry prey on the fears and anxieties of new parents just to make a buck. Again, THANK YOU!

  • Holly Homer

    You are my leader.

  • Lisa

    I don’t know you. But I love you.

  • Lauren Yamada

    Love love love love love

    Laughed my ass off all the way thru 🙂

  • Jen

    This is the most perfect thing I’ve read since becoming a mother 10+ years ago. I love you.

  • Amberiella

    Ugh, thank you!

    I’m so tired of being attacked for not being linked up to the hivemind.

  • Sarina

    Team If-you-show-up-at-my-door-unannounced-I’ll-leave-you-outside-to-die-because-my-house-should-be-condemned.

  • Tina

    I’m in. Can we have a secret handshake or something?

  • Ashlie

    I want on all of your teams. Except maybe Team Human, because I think that might be a stretch sometimes. More like Team Mama Zombie.

    FWIW, I am just now stumbling across your blog and I feel like you’re my soul sister of something. All we can do is the best we can with what we’ve got. Some days, we’ll suck. And I’m accepted that. It won’t keep me from trying to do better, but I’m also going to stop beating myself up because I gave my kid juice or a fucking hot dog. Or that I yelled at my 6 year old to JUST GET DRESSED ALREADY because she was throwing an epic fit about her clothes. We have days where I feel like things are really falling into place, and that’s awesome. But in between those are the days when I’m hanging on by a thread.

  • Toni

    I love this so, so much. Thank you.

  • Joelle

    My favourite saying to my kids: “If you have nothing to tell your therapist I didn’t do my job.”

    My worst moment: After six hours of trying to get two kids to clean one room they had cleaned a million times before without issue while trying to prepare for a major event that evening I finally broke down, screamed and yelled and yes even used the “F” word to punctuate.

    The only mommies who fit those teams 24/7/365 are those with NOTHING ELSE GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES! Busy mommies can’t always be perfect. Good enough is often all a parent has at the moment and it doesn’t have to be better so long as you are usually doing what is best.

    I started out as a single teen mother on welfare. I wanted to feed my son healthy food, but non-GMO and organic was simply beyond my price range. Growing my own in a small apartment in the city (with black thumbs to boot) wasn’t an option. My son at generic frozen veggies and the cheapest bread money could buy, but the bread was brown and he ate broccoli damn it! My son wore clothes from thrift stores and hand-made by grandma or me, he played with second-hand toys and I didn’t care about matchbook cars when he was under three, I just taught him not to put them in his mouth! He is 18 now, joining the navy in June after grad, is responsible, practical, thrifty and loves his healthy food. I’d say that makes my efforts a success, any team that says different is full of organic waste!

  • Sue

    Well now you’ve got trouble – you just started a new team and we all want to be on it. I’m definitely team “this is what I’ve got.” Things have gotten so very serious, sometimes it feels like babies were just invented or something.

  • Teresa

    Ill try not to be a dick. Is it okay for women to slack off at their jobs? Would that be just as funny as this? Or is it just okay when it involves the teeny
    Human beings in our care? Is it okay if the babysitter does as shitty a job or just when it’s the fruit of our own womb. I get that nobody’s perfect but I don’t get how it’s funny to be mediocre or just plain fucking awful at THIS job. Ill laugh when you tell us what a sucky job you do at your professional job.

    • Marilyn

      Seriously, Teresa?! Apparently you did not try hard enough…
      First… who gets to define what is excellence in child-raising?
      Second… I’d be willing to bet that every woman out there who has an outside-the-home job has had moments, days or weeks that they felt like they were hanging on by a thread and whatever they were doing was good enough. This is not slacking off… this is surviving and being human.
      Third… if you consider raising a child a job, maybe you should reconsider giving birth. And if you already have kiddos, I feel sorry for them that they have a “Mommy” who considers them her work and that she is going to do her job well enough to get a good review by her boss… whoever that is.
      Fourth… if occasionally giving kids “junk food,” or cookies for breakfast, or letting them watch too much TV or other electronic screens, makes one a bad or mediocre mom then I am willing to bet that there are more “bad” moms out there than “good” ones.
      I am so grateful that I was able to raise my babies before such serious judging of every aspect of mommyhood! About the only things we had was breast vs. bottle, how soon they drank from a cup, how soon they gave up a pacifier and how soon they were potty-trained. By the time they were toddlers all that judging was pretty much over… not that I gave a whit about anyone’s opinion of how we fed or potty-trained our kids. I knew I was the one who knew them best and they were both off the boob/bottle and both potty-trained long before they went to school… my milestone marker! As for the pacifier…I could not get my kids to use one. They watched TV before they were two – sometimes, I propped a bottle – sometimes, I often used a stroller or let them walk… sometimes with a (HORRORS!) harness, they slept in their own crib in their own room on day one home from the hospital – but sometimes got into bed with us, often ate junk food, sometimes had cookies for breakfast and often wore polyester clothing. Today my adult children each have a master’s degree, have jobs they enjoy, have spent no time in jail… basically they seem to have survived all the slacking off we did in our mediocre parenting and the days when I thought I was eff-ing awful.
      Sorry if I came off sounding like a dick… I was trying not to. I really was just trying to be supportive of the real moms out there… you know, the ones who are “mediocre” and sometimes feel they are eff-ing awful at being moms or (as you put it) doing the “job” of raising their kids in their given life situations.

  • Monica

    I am so glad I found your blog. This post was hilarious! I feel like we are kindred spirits. Ok, maybe that’s weird to say. But looking forward to your future posts.

  • itzybellababy

    Signing up for the “Noone else will take me” team. now.

  • Brandis

    I love this so much! I don’t really fault moms who feel the need to either create a label or fit an existing one. Labels give them a sense of community, and I don’t think most have the intention initially of alienating others who don’t fit the label. But I know that, in reality, it does and at their worst some moms use that alienation to somehow feel better about themselves? It’s like the popular kids in high school making fun of the unpopular kids, only now it’s the attachment parents making fun of people who use formula or strollers or choose not to breastfeed until two (except they aren’t really making fun of them… only you and I both know that they really kind of are).

    I, for instance, try really really hard to avoid GMO’s. But sometimes I eat a Whopper (OMG JUNK FOOD CAFO BEEF AND GMO’S!!!) or a donut at church. Pretty sure they’re not GMO free. And I refuse to feel guilty about it. I’m team “I do what I can.” And for the record, I think polish sausage from Costco sounds awesome.

  • Kriss Z

    THANK YOU! I am also “Team Human”…I’m an “attachment mom” who formula fed after 16 days because my uncooperative body wouldn’t make enough milk. I’m a “green mom” who used disposable diapers instead of cloth because I went back to work when my son was 3 months old, and I just didn’t have the heart to do that to the daycare staff. I’m a “health-conscious mom” who fed her child graham crackers for dinner recently because it was the only thing he’d stop playing long enough to eat. I sometimes have little meltdowns in front of my child, and sometimes I even occasionally put my own needs first. I guess I’m “Team Doing the Best I Can When I Get Out Of Bed Every Day”, and fortunately my son is healthy and still loves me for it.

  • Christina

    You’re hilarious!

  • Rusti

    absolutely thrilled to be on your team 🙂 it seems to fit me perfectly… at least today, for a few minutes 😉

  • Anna Elizabeth

    AMEN! Yes, I agree 100%. Sign me up 🙂 Thank you! Team Human.

  • Andrea Martin

    Oh, sweet Lord – thank you. I wish I had written this myself, but I’m on team “where the hell did all my time go? oh right, I have a kid now.” I couldn’t have said it any better anyway.
    You rock.

  • K

    AMEN SISTA!

  • Angie

    AMEN SISTER!!!
    I’m a 50 year old grandmother co-raising her grandkids with a full-time working daughter…I wasn’t a good “team” player with my three…I’m not a good team player now. I do the best I can with what I got. That’s all I got.

    You keep up the good work and remind all these first time (and 4th time) mommies…NO ONE expects them to be perfect. If they do…screw em!

  • Nessa

    *Hero.* *Truthteller.* Fellow mama of 4 (although 2 of mine are teens and the other 2 college-age), I lived what you’re saying and I know these feelings deep within me. Also, as a writer myself, I must cotton to some word-envy because this piece is powerful. Stay true to you and to your children’s obvious awesomeness! Go Team Us.

  • Janet

    LOVE. Yesterday I said “What the fu” to my 6 year old I stopped before I enunciated the ck, so it’s OK, right? Team Go Fu Yourself…
    I’m going to go eat some gluten now.

  • ElizabethO

    Real parenting, because some days the stuff works and other days it doesn’t. That is real life with real kids. Love your post. If you have a minute check out momastery.com (and no it isn’t a blog about a mom mastering anything) if you haven’t already. It is a real mom with real stuff doing the best she can like you. Thanks for the good message today. 🙂

  • Alisha

    Team Just Making It Through The Day

    I’m exhausted when I wake up whether I’m working or staying at home.

    Team Everyone Wants Me To Do Something For Them They Can Already Do Themselves.

    Team I NEED A Vacation With & Without My Kid.

    Team I Let My 3 Year Old Sleep With Us When She Comes In At 4am Because I’m Too Tired to Care and I Like The Extra Cuddles.

    Love this! FINALLY something REAL! <3 Best Wishes!

  • tnmom

    Good article. I could have done without the foul language, it would be just as interesting without it. My opinion. 🙂

  • steve

    ummm… i think you just created a team

  • Jen R.

    Team They’re-My-Kids-and-as-Long-as-I’m-Not-Breaking-Any-Laws-Shut-Your-Effing-Piehole.

    Great article. I wish more parents would read this and heed it’s advice.

  • Tasha

    I’ll be on your team any day because you said all of the things that I can never put into words. lol. This just made my day!

  • S Ravenscroft

    Oh yes, this is us. Or me.

    At the moment we’re at the ‘If we get to bed and everyone is still alive and not bleeding, it’s a good day.’

    I read a thing recently that said ‘It’s okay, you’re not a bad parent if you shout at your child.’ It never for one moment occurred to me that I was, it’s a perfect defusing tool that my daughter uses with me and I use with her and it’s all good.

    I don’t know about reality, but I’m sure as heck not on any team that feels the need to label itself a team in a strange self promotion hang up.

    Thank you so much for this blog.

  • Marg

    Are we twins? I could have written the exact same thing, just subtract a few kids. I’m so proud of myself for not having yelled today, yet. even though it’s the 6th snow day of the school year, and my only child has not been to school since last Friday, and the only child is not doing a very good job of entertaining himself, and he has not showered since Monday night, and he plays on his smart phone (that I never should have purchased when he was 10) all day, and he won’t stop reading my kindle, and he insists on reading books well past midnight! oops, that could be mistaken for YELLING!!!!

  • Annie Reneau

    This post is just all kinds of fabulous. I thought you might like know that I linked to it in my most recent post (which, if I’m not mistaken will be linked below me here). You might appreciate the post as well). 🙂 Nice to have found your blog.

  • Meg

    Team “I only lost my 2 year old for a minute while I was changing my nine month old twins” (no worries, he was sitting on the shelf in the cupboard with the pot lids)
    Team “I busted my son, wide awake, out of his drib, in the middle of his floor covered in Vaseline and I gave him a wipey bath because it’s just not that serious to get Vaseline out of hair at midnight when you have to work the next day”.
    Yeah, shit happens. That’s life for ya; enjoy it more and label it less!

  • Christy

    I am in awe….LOL

    Now don’t label me as being a follower or suck up, but great article!!
    Laughed my butt off.

    Good luck, fellow no-team mother/worker/thinker/live-r of life, trying not to go to crazy in this great and messy life.

  • Ashlie

    I almost cried I laughed so hard at “no for real, what is wrong with you?” I think those words have come out of my mouth once with all three of my girls.

    Team Whoops sometimes we say inappropriate shit to our kids!

  • butterfly

    to me her article doesnt come off that great to me.
    I am team breast feeding.
    doesnt mean I am perfect. My Son was on formula at one month and my Daughter nursed til past 3. anyone who judges me for that isnt on team breast feeding they are on team jerk. they dont know me or my life.
    I am on team Non vaxing
    My son got many of his vaccines. If a small pox out break ever happened i would atleast consider vaccinating for that. but when all is said and done if some one judges me for that that is there problem not mine.
    I am on team cloth diaper.
    when my kids got Diarrhea I put them in disposables. There is no way i am going through 20 diapers in 5 hours full of a childs diarhea. Nope not doing it. I would probably run out of clothes before i got them before i got more clean. if some one has a problem with that that is there problem
    I am on team bed sharing.
    When my daughter was an infant and i had to go on pain medication for a few days for something i slept on the floor next to her in the bouncer instead of bed sharing so that i would not roll over on her in my intoxicated sleep. nope did not bed share for a few days. then i transitioned her to a big girl bed at two. where she spends most nights.
    I am on team natural GMO free foods.
    I am also a single mother on a low budget and stretched for time. the kids have alot of food that is processed though i do surprisingly well giving them fruits and vegetables for most of their food.
    I am team homeschool. As a single mother that is challenging trying to draw in an income from home large enough to allow me to stay home with my kids. At some point I may fail to draw in an income and be forced to put them in public schools. That is not me falling short. it is me being a Human and being restricted by the boundries of humanity instead of God. I am not God and can not handle everything on my own. I accept that and do the best i can and pray that he will fill in the gaps.
    I claim all these teams. It is a place to identify and talk about our things incommon with other moms. bounce ideas off other mothers who do the same things we do. I dont hang with people who automatically assume i am falling short of ___ just because i do things slightly different. I dont consider myself as falling short for using disposable diapers or forward facing my 5 year old 5 lbs before he reached the weight limit to rear facing.
    At some point we are all put in a position where our ideals come into conflict with life.
    In the End I am team “Doing our best as Parents”. (Mom and Dad) but that doesnt stop me from being a part of many smaller teams as well.

  • jill (mrs chaos)

    I have no idea what team I’m on. I just really like you. But you knew that. (Love you. Miss you.)

  • KBR

    I’m a Marriage and Family Therapist and work in child development. Mothers on “teams” are looking for support, acceptance and tools. Unfortunately, many of these “teams” create a false sense of reality with forced standards that are near impossible to uphold, either allowing some to hide from their insecurities or forcing others to feel like complete failures. The only thing your child(ren) needs is love, support and focused time. I appreciate your honesty and your style – being the best mother you can be for your children! Your voice not only liberates you, but also the other moms out there that shrink under the ridiculous expectations that have become motherhood. Thanks for sharing!

  • IMAMOMTOO

    I wanna be on Team Reality!! But do I have to have kids under the age of 21???

  • Jerriean

    I still thank God, that I raised my kids before a billion “perfect moms” started deciding that they are the only one’s that know how to raise a child ‘right’.. forgetting that there were mothers way, way, way before they were even born… and most of those generations turned out ok.. and not spoiled little brats that think that they deserve everything, without lifting a finger for anything!

    I hate the Internet when it comes to the topic of child rearing… no parent is perfect, they may put out there that they are the only perfect parent in the world, but they lie.. there is no perfect parent, and no matter how hard you try to be the perfect parent, I guarantee you that your children will tell you when they are grown all the things you did wrong… so, stop attempting to be perfect and try to just be happy parents with happy kids!

  • Karie H

    Hey…that’s my team!

  • Chelsea

    I’m not even a mother, and I love/relate to this post. So glad to have found your blog.

  • Sara

    I remember getting no sleep and had friends that were on “Team let them cry it out”. I was like if I have to hear him cry for longer then 3 mins I am going to be on “Team somebody come get me out of jail”. I at one point started to cry and asked my 3 month old, “can I call CPS on myself” I just need to sleep.

    Great blog,

    Totally live outside the box.

  • Kathryne B. Alfred

    Count me on Team Failing Daily. But I’m also on Team My Kid Loves Me Anyway, so that’s okay.

  • joy

    Your post is awesome! I appreciate the observation that there is a lot of pressure involved in well-meaning labels. On another note, your post reminded me of a song I heard a long time ago called “Junk Food Junkie”:

  • Laura June

    Love this, but don’t sign me up for anything. The pressure will guarantee I don’t participate. You do your thing, I’ll do mine, and sometimes we’ll meet up for pizza and make each other laugh. Done deal.

  • Geochick

    I’m totally on your team! I don’t have time to deal with all that other crap. Just trying to get through the days intact.

  • Bla bla

    Why are you having a fourth baby, after all that?

  • MILF Runner

    I tried out for Team Smug. It wasn’t any fun. I much prefer Team May I Mock the Shit Out of You? #sofun

  • Sarah

    I’m so in………

    Team: Love being a Girl Scout Leader because my daughter begs me every year to do it again, then I want to pull my hair out after every freakin’ meeting, and I die inside with every box of cookies I beg someone to buy! And yes, both my 8 yr old and 6 yr old ate a whole box of cookies a peice last night after helping me load 1800 boxes in the freakin mini-van in 18 degree weather!

  • TEAM EXTREMIST

    I love this. We live in a world of extremes and frankly I am sick of it. Go Team No Team!

  • LaToya

    I LOVE this post.

    I live for this:

    “Hello, my name is Janelle, and I supplemented my third kid with devil dust.” LMBO. It is hilarious.

  • Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense

    THAT’S IT. You’re my new favorite. Can we please schedule playdates and show up late to them but it won’t matter because we’ll have really good coffee?

  • Cheri

    I too supplemented my third with devil dust and don’t regret it. Have one with ADHD that I have been known to give liquid Satan (diet mt dew) too simply because the caffeine calms het down to a saving my sanity level. I LOVE getting those judgy looks from the perfect patents. Team Reality – I like it!

  • Heather Holter

    I LOVE this. I always hated all those groups, everyone divided, in H.S. I also hate them as a mother. I’m not totally holistic, but I like natural remedies, I’m not totally A.P., but I show my kids lots of love. I care about nutrition and cook mostly homemade, but my kids eat fruit snacks, oreos and chips. I call it team “doing the best we can with what we know”. Taking the best of all these teams and making it our own.

  • Mande....needs a vacation

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will second the formation of “Team Human.” I’ll start with I didn’t want kids, ever, as in NEVER, no thanks I’ll take a puppy please!! But I got one anyhow, 14 years ago. And when I was pregnant I was on Team Lets do Everything Perfect. Then she was born! I breastfed, exclusively, until I didn’t! Pumping at work??? Nah, EFF YOU!! Coincidentally she breastfed until she was two!! I was “baby wearing” before “baby wearing” was cool. Why? Because I was effing BUSY and she cried sometimes and I personally couldn’t deal with the CIO method. No, screw you, I’ll need these ears for another 50 years or so!! I co-slept. Why? Because I was too damn lazy to get out the bed to feed her! Coincidentally she slept with us unt she was SEVEN. Whatever! She watched *gasp* TV (Baby Einstein) from about 3 months in, EVERY MORNING while I got ready. She HATES TV now, so…. I gave her HOMEMADE baby food, until….I didn’t anymore cause making baby food is a royal PITA! NOW, I homeschool, MY WAY, using SIX different curriculums both secular and non-secular. FWIW, she’s smarter than most 25 year olds I’ve had the pleasure of encountering during job interviews when I worked outside the home. So there, I’m on Team Do Whatever the Hell Works For You….Until It Doesn’t Anymore and I love it!!

  • Silenceof TheMom

    I found you through Kristen Mae At Abandoning Pretense and let me just say I’m so glad she shared this on her FB page! I am so tired of all the labels put on parents. Where’s the “I’m just trying to keep my kid alive” parenting style? Great post!

  • Reticula

    I want to be on your team even though my kids are grown. I’m fine with being on Team Grandma. I struggled through all my 12 years of homeschooling with the same thing: unschooling, non-coercive parenting (OK, that wasn’t really a struggle for me. Do it because I said so.) attachment parenting (my kids really liked sleeping in their own beds)… I was at best sitting on the bench on a bunch of teams.

    Thank you for your honest humor. You really struck home for me.

  • Katie

    I may have been on team “Where are my kids and who are these monsters?” today… Perhaps with not QUITE as much cursing passion(only because if I chose those words I would HATE my life), I soooo agree. I hate that I don’t belong in this group because I do X but I’m perfect for that group because I DO do A, B, C, D, E, F, and T. Labels. Interesting. So yea, I’m on Team Lets make it to tomorrow and make sure the kids eat and don’t die.

  • smurf120

    Geez:

    Team “Twice a Year I do Crafty Shit” seems awful lot to live up to!

    Love your blog. First Time Mom (FTM as they say at Babycenter)and sometimes BC “teams” scare me.

  • Ver

    That sounds awful. I know it’s parody, but maybe you are taking the team concept too seriously. I agree, we all need to lighten up on the parenting expectations, self imposed or externally driven. But sometimes we are just looking for support. You don’t have to buy in completely, I don’t know anyone who does so, but I’m an independent sort. After all this angst, frustration, and purported struggles, maybe team birth control is worthy of consideration.

  • Tash

    I never comment on blogs but I had to here.

    This is the best.fucking.blog.post I have ever read!

  • They Call Me Mummy

    Today I woke up half an hour early, organised everything and woke the kids with smiles and kisses, Mary Poppins-like. They, in turn took a hundred years (not exaggerating, this is totally accurate) to do every tiny task until eventually, they cracked the code to the vault where the screaming banshee is kept. The screaming banshee, once unleashed, tied Mary Poppins up and locked her in the vault and proceeded to have a series of unattractive tantrums all over the house. The children, unmoved, continued to move at snail’s pace. The banshee, shocked at her impotence, vanished undramatically (and with a sob) and was replaced by a zombie, who managed (just) to get the kids (still unmoved) to school on time. The whereabouts of Mary Poppins are still unknown.

    I think that means I’m on your team, no?

  • Rebecca

    um. i think i just fell in love with you. thats all.

  • JJ

    Holy hell balls I have to take a breath, the comments are as hysterical as the post. Thank you, thank you. How about freedom to live our own truths however they may be?

    PS thanks for the handy manny marathon. I feel better already.

    Team Feels Better Because Other Parents F Up Too.

    Except we’re NOT F’ing up!!

    Everyone is alive, everyone mostly has food, everything is going to be fine, we’re human, and yesterday I had to remind my 4 year old about 600 times “I’M HUMAN AND I HAVE FEELINGS TOO”.
    There are more elegant ways to do things I’m sure.

  • Elise

    Lol: “The other day I looked at my kid and asked, quite seriously, “No for real, what the hell is wrong with you?”

  • Julie

    Yah, yah, yah for you, I am 55 years old, raised 4 beautiful daughters , and have felt all of the above at one time or another. I could have written this. I now have the delightful pleasure of witnessing my daughters raise their own beautiful children.
    All mothers do the very best they can do for their little ones
    Thanks for sharing your realistic views 🙂

  • Denise Duffield-Thomas

    I’m on team “Am I Doing Better Than A Crack Addict?”

    Most of the time the answer is YES.

  • Cassia

    Where do I get my jersey, no wait, I can’t commit to a uniform because I hate laundry. It would never be clean… Unless I can but extras at Target as needed. Then, then I’m all in:)

  • jess

    wanna makeout?

  • April

    I was a “GDI” in college. As a mother of 2, this makes me want to be a “GDI” mom, too! 🙂

  • Rachel @ Reality Chick

    THIS.

    I laughed so hard my bump is still hurting. I’ll be on your team anyday lady.

  • Sofie

    Fucking YES!!!

  • Katja

    I married late in life after a nine-year courtship believing I shouldn’t have kids. Mostly I believed I’d be a lousy mother. Which is a shame, because at the very least our spawn would probably have some awesome hair between the two of us. But reading this, I’m realizing a lot of that fear of even trying is borne of an entire internet’s worth of endless, Pinteresty delusional expectations out of touch with reality. Maybe I should rethink the way I’ve taken myself out of the game entirely. If I were a Mom, I’d be on Team ‘Hey, They’re Alive.’

  • Keryn from Walking On Travels

    Oh how I wish all teams would go away so we could stop feeling like inadequate parents. How about the anti-pinterest cooking/DIY/Crafty team, cause really, as much as I love the end product, I would happily pay for you to deliver to my house rather than figure it and and spend the time to do it for myself. I’d also like to announce that I’ve been kicked out of the preschool mom team… if one ever existed. I still have a “homework” project to do with my 4 year old that we were give in September! And did you know that preschoolers exchange valentine’s?! What the what? How does every other mom but me know this crap?!?! I had a stay at home mom, I learned how to bake bread, but let me tell you, I have no idea how to be a mom to a preschool in today’s world.

    So three cheers for all moms who just don’t give a crap and will be their own team. THere are more of us doing it that we realize.

  • Pamela

    Ha! I always sucked at team sports, and was once told by an idiotic co-worker that I have no team spirit.
    But, team “On my own with you, doing whatever I do while you do what you do and we both try to not ruin small people”….this is a team I think I could join! 🙂

  • Aileen

    I agree. I can relate with you. Attach parenting would be great.

  • Kiki

    I love you. Like, really, I want to be really good friends and have coffee while our kids duke it out in the yard. You are fabulous and this post really really really helped me today. Cause today (and every day) is overwhelming. And sometimes you just need someone to tell you you’re doing ok. So thank you.

  • Chelley @ AisForAdelaide

    Team THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST!

  • Jessica

    I finally read the article: the bandwidth was blocked yesterday…

    It’s great. I’m in my own team, maybe that’s your team, also! with occasional visitors and I occasionally visit other teams… guess I am “team: there’s that weird mom”!

  • Maplemass

    I would like to sign up to be your Team Grandma. My 30 somethings don’t seem to want to spawn, so I’d be happy to be on your team. Ya know … 33 years ago, when I was getting ready to give birth, there was the ‘invention’ of the ‘macho woman.’ They weren’t going to have any doctor snip them as the baby came out. Nooooo … they were going to do exercises (which sounded a lot like, well, you know …). I heard the childbirth instructor say, ‘Doctors says it’s a lot easier to repair/heal a small snip rather than a tear.’ I was like, ‘Fuck the Macho Woman! Snip me, Doc!’ No, no delivery drugs, but that’s another story.

  • Jendra

    Just yes. That is all. I subscribe to NOTHING. Also, nothing is what I’m willing to apologize for on that 😀

  • Dana

    I’m crying in agreement! I am attachment-ish and yet I have said (on more than one occasion, perhaps dozens) “what is wrong with you?!” to my daughter who is the kind of kid other people want to occasionally run away from (and sometimes I want to) despite loving the crap out of her.

  • Karron

    As a mom, grandmother, and great grandmother, I agree with your premise that the whole “team” aspect of mothering is downright silly. It is, as most things like that are, simply a way for those who feel superior to make those who struggle feel inferior. Teams are inclusive, they are exclusive, and they are fated to fail everyone eventually.

    Brava for standing your ground to be a free agent mother. I have never felt that all the so called experts have a clue about being a parent, mom or dad, and only write those ignorant books to make money off those who are so insecure in their parenting that they must have some sort of label and a set of rules to even begin the process.

    Most moms, good moms, go by the instinct built into our DNA. I had two boys, one who was one of ‘those’ kids and one who never gave me a moments trouble. I raised them the same, but they lived their own lives and personalities. I raised my eldest granddaughter after my son died. She was one of the best behaved kids, until puberty and through her teens. Again, she lived her life, all I did was provide a background. Now I am going to have custody of my great granddaughter. I will raise her the same way I raised all the others, and I bet she is totally different from all of them.

    You are doing a good job. Your kids sound like they are normal, rambunctious, curious, talented, kids. They may make you crazy on a regular basis, but you know what, when they are grown, or when they are no longer here, you will miss that craziness in your life.

  • Terese

    I’ve been labeled a “Slacker Mom” – mostly by myself. Because I miss sports things, forget school things, will serve Hamburger Helper instead of a salad, get frustrated by all the maleness in my home (twin boys, a husband and even the cat & dog are male), and sometimes I just want to have a glass of wine and tell the world to SHUT UP. But I much prefer the idea of Team Human or Team Reality. Because in the end, that’s what it all boils down to – I’m not super mom or Team Green (HELL no) or June Cleaver. I’m me. I’m human. And (mostly) I’m a good mom. I mean, my kids should require minimal professional help when they grow up, so that’s good, right? Thank you for writing this!

  • Deva

    This is brilliant, lady! Brilliant!

  • Laura

    Hey there official “reality mom” I have just found your blog and I have to commend you on keeping life real. I’m 40+ have 4 kids (2 are mine / 1 is his and 1 is our) but in our family we say they are all ours. Three have move out and on with their lives and our 14 year old is still here.

    I have heard so much parenting advice over the years I could write a book about. I can’t say that I haven’t offered advice too, but usually when asked.

    Keeping our lives real means our kids don’t expect the world is theirs to do whatever they want. There are rules, decision makers and discipline. Oh did I forget to mention – there is failure too.

    Sorry going on my own rant… anyway thanks for creating this “real” world mother space. Wish it were part of a school curriculum!

  • Lindsay

    So it turns out that you’re my favorite part of the internet.

  • Sonya

    I am a 42 year old mom of one and I don’t have a team. I don’t want to be on a team. I just want to have my kid grow up healthy. My mother has, on occasion, apologized to me for not breastfeeding me for more than 6 weeks. THAT is what is wrong with the Team Parenting ideology. I don’t remember being breastfed. I don’t remember being bottle fed. I am alive, healthy, and not in jail. I think my mom did a great job and I’ve told her that. She doesn’t need to apologize for her approach since I have successfully made it to adulthood.

  • Stacy Dirr

    I seriously love you right now. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

  • melissa s

    But seriously, if I had to be on a team it would be `team saying the word fuck`, it makes me feel powerful and cool (the same way smoking is cool to teenagers) and simply put it makes me feel awesome . When I drive by myself, I constantly yell at people in my car and say `hey fuckers move` and `move the fuck over, just because I`m in a mini van doesn`t mean I`m a slow` or `fucker, move over` and just fuck in general . I love that you use it and the way you use it; it makes me feel happy

  • Karen Misner

    No words…..just multiple high fives! I am a 55 year old mother of three (26,24,23) and you are speaking age old truths! Keep it up 🙂

  • Shell

    laughed so hard I cried, snorted and peed my pants, a little. I love you.

  • Ruth

    “Who are these children and why are they everywhere?”
    I laughed until I cried.
    Thank you.

  • Marina

    Absolutely brilliant. Fucking brilliant. My congratulations.

  • Jessie

    Joining the I-don’t-want-to-be-on-a-fucking-team team STAT. Amen sister.

  • Iris

    you are brave and amazing thank you for all you write here, you are saving my life!

    -Iris

  • Lisa

    Thanks for your honest hyperbole – it has helped rejuvenate my soul. You just made my day! And year.

  • Whitney

    LOVE THIS. You feel like you fall short when you don’t do it “right.” But hey- the kid is alive and smiling. Yes, I breastfeed. Yes, I keep some formula in the diaper bag as back up. It came in real handy when I ran out of pumped milk one day and had too much wine at the wine festival to nurse. I felt a little bad and then realized, “Hey I am a good mom who had fun and remembered to pack some food. Plus I wore her while I drank that wine- kudos self!” Why can’t the only label out there be “parent?” We all judge, I get it, but let’s keep those in our head and smile at the other parent, because we all have been elbows deep in shit regardless of our
    team!”

  • Sunny

    I gave birth to four boys within four years (yay twins). I am team “Doing the best I can… most of the time.” Thank you for this fabulous post!!

  • KerriAnn

    I’m a pediatrician, and I LOVE this. I’m pretty sure our clinic administrators would not be amused, but that is the ONLY thing keeping me from printing this and posting it in my exam rooms. Reminds me of “good enough” parenting…

  • Holly

    Someone just linked me to this, because she thought I wrote it.
    THAT is how much I totally agree with you. I am one of the “perfects” but, I HATE IT. I’m exhausted, I’m just like you- just trying to do what I do. I don’t give a crap about the Prom Queen Parents. 🙂

  • Bekah

    Team: I don’t wear deodorant but I just sucked down a starbucks frappe. Love this and LOVE all the positive comments. Sometimes I’m scared to read comments because it makes my blood boil.

  • Bubba bump mama

    Whoa looks like someone needs to join ‘team anger management’. Team ‘I’m so honest and real and fuck the world but hey affirm me please as I blog about how right I am’

  • Julie

    Um, mommie – what were you doing working …no husband?
    As a young widow with 3 little ones I determined to stay home after my hubby was taken from us, leaving NO Life Insurance…
    WHY OH WHY does a mother with a husband ever put herself or her family though the stress of working – for nice things?

  • Steph Hansen

    Amen….I bet there are more of us not on this team or want to be on this side of it than will admit. We are all just trying, everyday. Some days are great, some not so great. But we push through and do our best given the day. Our kids are loved and taken care of. They’ll grow up to be good people because we are the good people that are raising them, no matter what team we are or aren’t on. Loved this, thank you!

  • JEn

    I feel like all your posts are about me. Like: Every.Single.One. its crazy I tell ya

    Im an organic food eating, handgun shooting, starbucks loving, potty mouth, educated, redneck-hippy, who sometimes composts, sometimes uses disposables, and sometimes I throw shit out that is reusable cause man I am not touching that… kinda mom.

    How about team: yes-i-let-my-kid-eat-that.

    Love your stuff!

  • Ruth

    I’m SO on “Team Join Me In Reality!”

  • Marada

    Thank God someone is being honest about having kids and about their life in general. When I was in art school we called the teams “let’s all be different together”. Man I miss art school. I am sitting at home on a 3 day weekend letting my kid watch videos because I have a wicked case of poison oak, yet I am feeling incredibly guilty for not doing quality time because we actually have a beautiful 3 day weekend. When I was a kid there weren’t these Stepford wife expectations packaged in 30 different flavors of who can be the perkiest, most all-natural, most opportunity-providing mom while also being non-competitive, supportive, and all around nice with a squeaky clean, well fed, well balanced kid. And on top of that I am supposed to entertain in a spotlessly clean house and take care of an over-worked husband who never sleeps and is grouchy as hell. What was the point again?

  • Ruby

    This is my team. All the interesting moms keep turning out to be so damn crunchy it hurts. They think because I am breastfeeding and cloth diapering I’m one of them. Frankly, it is because THAT’S CHEAPER. Also because I had no physical problems with breastfeeding (but it turns out I really dislike it and can’t wait for it to be over. So far it has been four months, I’m trying to stick it out for six, but we’ll see). Babywearing doesn’t work well for us at all, cosleeping ended at 2 weeks of age, and I am completely unable to cook, sew, or craft pretty much anything. The kid is totally healthy. She survived all the candy I ate while pregnant. I didn’t even give up coffee until she was 6 weeks old. Sometimes I go hang out with my Southern Baptist redneck friend from childhood just so we can spend an enjoyable afternoon buying baby clothes made in China and eating Chick Fil A. So I sometimes buy Ezekiel bread and wrap it around nitrite free organic hotdogs? So what if I clean with Method spray? I also bought a particle board crib and PUT BUMPERS ON IT. There’s just no pleasing anyone, so I’m pleasing myself. The line between green and mean can just run right through the middle of my house.

  • Jessica

    WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!

    Thanks for telling us all about you, ’cause you are, clearly, talking all about us, too.

  • Claritas Veritas

    Just realizing you don’t need to be on #TEAMGREEN is the biggest baddest, best freaking graduation gift into Real Life you can ask for. Because those who are instilling the idiotic idea that you “must” be on a “team” are still (wait for it — ) C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N. The NON-Graduates. The ones still looking for approval so they have to be on some stupid TEAM to fit in.

    Here’s a refresher: You are the MOM, dammit, and that’s what being the MOM means — you are not on ANYONE’s TEAM: because you are the freaking COACH of your own GAME. And that other parent — the Dad? Call it obvious, but he is NOT the MOM. And during certain years of Motherhood, MOM gets to call the shots for a while at home – because she can remember WHAT needs to be happening and when, where and how.

    I knew a guy who drove his wife NUTS b/c he had to be all green and shit for the environment because of his status at a local university. He rode his bike to and from work. So SHE had to carpool / pick up drop off / figure out how to get their school age kids to and from their after school stuff. He made the rules about how they would reduce their household’s carbon footprint and THEN he went to the office to do RESEARCH. So SHE was the one doing all the reducing, reusing and recycling at home for the kids AND freezing her ass off because the thermostat was never permitted to go above 58 degrees (in a very cold, northern Midwestern State!) If she had been onboard with him, fine, but she wasn’t and she felt like she couldn’t tell him…….

    In my book? That’s called coersion: no where NEAR the definition of TEAM.

    When that baby is created (before she is born even!) YOU (the MOM) get to DECIDE what you want and what your baby needs. Mom’s get to be on whatever the hell #Team they want to be on — or not.

    Janelle, You Are Keeping it Real. GodSpeed.

  • alee

    The only team I’m on is the go to the park it’s a nice day and I have chores to ignore in peace team.

  • Laney

    Thank you! Thank you! This is so amazing to read. My baby was early and couldn’t breast feed and I am so tired of all the hate for giving her formula! Like what am I supposed to do starve her! This made me feel so much better!

  • Kelly

    Look, I don’t read blogs. I steer clear of Mommy blogs. I damn near had an orgasm when I read this. HOLY CROW.

    THIS IS PERFECT.

  • Rebekah

    Why am I just now seeing this?!

    This gem got an honest-to-God belly laugh “She should be playing with Amish carts and brown-skinned Waldorf dolls bought on Etsy, but instead she’s singing “Todos juntos!” with her face 4-inches from her brother’s Kindle Fire.”

    Thank you so much. You are my people and I’d love to be on your team!

  • Jennifer F

    If I weren’t already married, I would be proposing to you. Maybe I can just love you from afar? I’m too tired to do much else. 🙂 This is the most sensible thing I have read/heard/said in way too long. I joined Team Fuck-it long ago, and haven’t looked back.

  • Danielle

    I totally understand (and agree) with what you are saying. However, maybe you (and everyone commenting) should STOP reading mommy blogs, books and such? I gave up all the books after birth, don’t follow blogs and am very skeptical when looking up something relating to parenting. Just saying. Saves a lot of anger directed toward a computer.
    Now, having to deal with these people in real life is another beast. I know I’m not living your life, as you’re not in mine, but maybe try to avoid these types as much as you can?

    “Join me in reality” is an excellent t-shirt idea.

  • Rose

    Um… Costco polish hot dogs are delish

  • Lou Taylor

    I don’t GAF what you’re calling your team as long as I’m signed up!

  • jessica

    hell yeah, i totally dig your words! and tnx for sharing 😀

  • Lee Theron

    I am so glad I read this post. I’m so sick of attaching particular parenting labels to myself and then not following through and then feeling guilty as a result. I think every mom should do the best they can to cope and stop living in guilt.

  • Kina

    I just stumbled on you today and already, I’m a huge fan!

  • Nicole

    I just ran across this old link, and laughed my ass off. I used to call myself a C+ mom, because my motto was “Eh. Good enough.” My sister once told me she thought I was an awesome mom and I should give myself more credit… but seriously, I don’t want to be on the Awesome Mom team; it’s too much work! At least if I call myself on it, I won’t feel like a hypocrite when I pull a total shit move, like whisper-shouting at my kids in Walmart, “I’m so mad at you right now for making me yell ‘Fuck!’ in the middle of the grocery store!”

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