This is not an unusual laundry pile, nor is it a staged or manipulated one. It isn’t even a complete laundry pile (1/2 the bedroom hampers are still full). It is simply the laundry pile, and it lives, constantly, unchanging and sure as the setting sun, in my hallway.
How is a person to survive in these conditions?
These are subhuman conditions. I need a servant. Or, and I’m open to either option, I need my kids to stop wearing clothes, or actually doing anything at all, especially playing. Or going to school. While they may seem necessary, I’m growing more and more convinced that these events are actually just cleverly disguised attempts to thwart my mental health and seriously mess with my feng shui.
Mixed with the dirty (and clean) clothes in the laundry pile you will find the following items:
- Plastic bags, tied shut, holding dirty cloth diapers of varying age and intensity in terms of aroma, and their covers.
- New clothing, packaged. (Kids keep growing, requiring new items. I buy these items, bring them in from the car and chuck them into the laundry pile, where I’m sure I’ll get to them very soon, but don’t.)
- String, rope, and/or bungee cords. The laundry pile lives outside Rocket’s room. Rocket spends a seemingly inordinate amount of time tying things together using rope, string and/or bungee cords that he has hunted down throughout the house, eventually depositing them outside his door, on the way to his room for a time-out, which he earned for tying his sisters feet together. I’ve found that twine washes nicely.
- Rocks, driftwood, nails, screws and Legos. I don’t know why these things are in the laundry pile. They just are. All the time.
Here’s the problem with the laundry pile: even if it’s off the floor and may seem gone, it’s not actually gone. It has simply recreated itself elsewhere, hiding deceptively in hampers rather than mocking me openly in the hallway.
Screw you, laundry pile. I hate you and your wily antics.
You will not defeat me.
Well, you might.
But not today, cause I’m pretty sure it’s Mac’s turn to do the damn laundry.
I don't lie.
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Franki
Tuesday, 8 February, 2011 at 14:42Hilarious…!!! And all true! I’ve been to your house! You just gotta keep smiling…
Christina
Tuesday, 8 February, 2011 at 15:07Ok so, I have the same laundry pile down at the end of my hall. Incidentally my daughter also has this strange knot-tying disorder. I have always found this somewhat strange and intriguing at the same time.
renegademama
Wednesday, 9 February, 2011 at 13:31Wow, you really nailed it — it is strange and intriguing at the same time. He’s so good at it, and yet it’s so damn annoying! (see reply to previous comment).
Shan
Tuesday, 8 February, 2011 at 21:03I hate to break it to you, but I have a 17 year old boy and the string thing never goes away. It just becomes more advanced. Google monkey ball knot (that last word is critical, pretty sure).
renegademama
Wednesday, 9 February, 2011 at 13:27LOL re: the monkey ball. Hysterical. Amazing that the knot-tying thing just evolves. I don’t mind it a lot, except that shit’s always tied together where I’m trying to walk. Or he’s lynched the handles to the linen closet together. Then I mind. I usually yell or get scissors to cut if off. Then he cries and I feel super bad. The cycle continues…
anastasia mcdonnellism
Wednesday, 2 March, 2011 at 21:02Okay, this deserves yelling because the same thing happens at my house: WHY DO KIDS TIE SHIT TOGETHER?! Ava does this with any item longer than 6 inches. I have to hide ribbons from her after they are pulled from her hair, because otherwise? I am stuck untying millions of tiny knots connecting a race car remote control to the fridge door. I do not get this.
Also, the laundry…it makes me feel like Neuman when he talks about the mail. It. Never. Stops.
*sigh*
Heartbreaking.
kelly leonard
Sunday, 3 April, 2011 at 23:57I have a constant one of clean folded un-put-away clothes on the couch. I refer to it as Mt. St. Laundry. The nicer the weather, the larger the pile. Love your Blog! Thanks for the laughs.
Tina
Wednesday, 23 January, 2013 at 1:02Uh, and I thought I’m just a slob who doesn’t get her act together. There are other people out there with heaps of laundry all over the place? HALLELUJA! My biggest pile is located in our tiny bathroom and currently takes up half the floor space there. Sometimes I manage to wash three loads in a day and the floor is clear, but then there is still the laundry basket by the washing machine. Full to the brim. Also, a pile of clothes usually sits on the sofa. A mixture of clean, dirty and still-ok-to-wear. And let’s not talk about my bedroom. Cause frankly, I’d rather walk in there with my eyes shut.