this is my laundry pile

by renegademama

This is not an unusual laundry pile, nor is it a staged or manipulated one. It isn’t even a complete laundry pile (1/2 the bedroom hampers are still full). It is simply the laundry pile, and it lives, constantly, unchanging and sure as the setting sun, in my hallway.

 How is a person to survive in these conditions?

These are subhuman conditions. I need a servant. Or, and I’m open to either option, I need my kids to stop wearing clothes, or actually doing anything at all, especially playing. Or going to school. While they may seem necessary, I’m growing more and more convinced that these events are actually just cleverly disguised attempts to thwart my mental health and seriously mess with my feng shui.

 Mixed with the dirty (and clean) clothes in the laundry pile you will find the following items:

  1. Plastic bags, tied shut, holding dirty cloth diapers of varying age and intensity in terms of aroma, and their covers.
  2. New clothing, packaged. (Kids keep growing, requiring new items. I buy these items, bring them in from the car and chuck them into the laundry pile, where I’m sure I’ll get to them very soon, but don’t.)
  3. String, rope, and/or bungee cords. The laundry pile lives outside Rocket’s room. Rocket spends a seemingly inordinate amount of time tying things together using rope, string and/or bungee cords that he has hunted down throughout the house, eventually depositing them outside his door, on the way to his room for a time-out, which he earned for tying his sisters feet together. I’ve found that twine washes nicely.
  4. Rocks, driftwood, nails, screws and Legos. I don’t know why these things are in the laundry pile. They just are. All the time.

Here’s the problem with the laundry pile: even if it’s off the floor and may seem gone, it’s not actually gone. It has simply recreated itself elsewhere, hiding deceptively in hampers rather than mocking me openly in the hallway.

 Screw you, laundry pile. I hate you and your wily antics.

 You will not defeat me.

 Well, you might.

 But not today, cause I’m pretty sure it’s Mac’s turn to do the damn laundry.

I don't lie.

  • Franki

    Hilarious…!!! And all true! I’ve been to your house! You just gotta keep smiling…

  • Christina

    Ok so, I have the same laundry pile down at the end of my hall. Incidentally my daughter also has this strange knot-tying disorder. I have always found this somewhat strange and intriguing at the same time.

    • renegademama

      Wow, you really nailed it — it is strange and intriguing at the same time. He’s so good at it, and yet it’s so damn annoying! (see reply to previous comment).

  • Shan

    I hate to break it to you, but I have a 17 year old boy and the string thing never goes away. It just becomes more advanced. Google monkey ball knot (that last word is critical, pretty sure).

    • renegademama

      LOL re: the monkey ball. Hysterical. Amazing that the knot-tying thing just evolves. I don’t mind it a lot, except that shit’s always tied together where I’m trying to walk. Or he’s lynched the handles to the linen closet together. Then I mind. I usually yell or get scissors to cut if off. Then he cries and I feel super bad. The cycle continues…

  • anastasia mcdonnellism

    Okay, this deserves yelling because the same thing happens at my house: WHY DO KIDS TIE SHIT TOGETHER?! Ava does this with any item longer than 6 inches. I have to hide ribbons from her after they are pulled from her hair, because otherwise? I am stuck untying millions of tiny knots connecting a race car remote control to the fridge door. I do not get this.
    Also, the laundry…it makes me feel like Neuman when he talks about the mail. It. Never. Stops.

  • kelly leonard

    I have a constant one of clean folded un-put-away clothes on the couch. I refer to it as Mt. St. Laundry. The nicer the weather, the larger the pile. Love your Blog! Thanks for the laughs.

  • Tina

    Uh, and I thought I’m just a slob who doesn’t get her act together. There are other people out there with heaps of laundry all over the place? HALLELUJA! My biggest pile is located in our tiny bathroom and currently takes up half the floor space there. Sometimes I manage to wash three loads in a day and the floor is clear, but then there is still the laundry basket by the washing machine. Full to the brim. Also, a pile of clothes usually sits on the sofa. A mixture of clean, dirty and still-ok-to-wear. And let’s not talk about my bedroom. Cause frankly, I’d rather walk in there with my eyes shut.

  • Manda Mommy of 4

    Okay, so I just recently “discovered” your blog (I’m completely hooked, I LOVE it all!!) But I have been reading back some of these older archived posts and up to nite have been able to control myself from being one of those obnoxious people who puts in their 2 cents on an old ass post that nobody gives two shits about anymore…but I just couldn’t hold back with this laundry post. You cannot imagine the sheer JOY, downright elation I’d dare say, but to mention RELIEF I felt seeing your picture of your laundry pile and reading subsequent comments from your readers about their own laundry nightmares lurking in their homes!! I call mine “the laundry monster” and I truly believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me, like I lacked some critical “home making gene” that caused me the inability to EVER get control of my own laundry monster. Oh the Shane I’ve felt thru the years, the shame and dread…I will gather up my laundry monster if somebody comes over and throw it into a pile on my bed and LOCK my bedroom door to hide what I believed to be my own private lazy disease that invented me from keeping a handle on my laundry like a normal person. Living in fear that someone will discover the horrible truth and social services well have to be called to remove my children from a home that couldn’t possibly be fit to live in under those conditions (haha, okay I’m being extreme here, but you get the idea). I seriously did feel just awful that I always have this laundry monster lurking in my home that try as I might, I could just never get control on. Knowing that I’m not alone!! PRICELESS!! Invigorating!! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my weary shoulders so I can go on focusing on the million and one other things that make me an awful parent…hahaha!! Thank you so much for sharing your own laundry nightmares, and thank you to the commenters for chiming in to share theirs as well…soooo glad I don’t have to live in shame thinking all alone in the battle anymore!! P.S. I apologize for autocorrect errors I’m sure are in this comment that I have neither the time nor desire to attempt to go back and correct..Haha…hopefully this will still be somewhat decipherable 🙂 🙂

Leave a Comment

Comment policy: Try not to be a dick.