what I learned this week: fevers, hippies and existential crises (nice rhyme, J)

by Janelle Hanchett
  1. It’s possible to be tremendously afraid of something yet do it anyway. My daughter is going to Europe tomorrow for 2 weeks. When contemplating this, my mind goes straight to Eastern European human trafficking rings and/or the illegal sale of body parts (is there legal sale or was that redundant?). Then my mind sits there. And expands. And it keeps expanding until I’m so terrified  I determine that the only thing to do is move to a yurt in Wales with my kids, husband, and a large, protective dog.
  2. I’m letting her go any way because the likelihood of her hating me forever if I don’t let her go is far greater than the possibility of something bad happening. This, my friends, is what one would call “sound reasoning.” (I like to point out instances of “sound reasoning” in my life, due to its scarcity.)
  3. Whining is the most annoying kid feature. I’ve given this a lot of thought and pretty much settled on that one, though I’m open to ideas.
  4. Scrubs is a freaking great show. Japanese sweet potatoes are a win. I need a pedicure.
  5. I know this topic is clichéd and boring, but I have to say, insurance companies are evil and can suck it. The end.
  6. There are positive aspects of having a baby with a cold and slight fever. They are as follows: 1. unlimited cuddling of the very close variety; 2. an excuse to do nothing but sit in a rocking chair, nurse and watch T.V.; 3. an indisputable way to get out of all commitments, housework and phone calls.
  7. There are some seriously unfortunate aspects of the same scenario, such as: 1. watching your baby suffer; 2. the positive cycle mentioned above continues throughout the night, when it isn’t so cool; 3. the positive cycle mentioned above continues for more than 1 day, which is even less cool; and 4. watching your baby suffer. Right. That one needed to be said twice.
  8. When your 5-year-old says “I’m brushing my teeth,” what he really means is “I’m sitting on the counter in the bathroom, emptying the toothpaste into the sink and swirling it around with my sister’s Barbie. I am doing this without pants.”
  9. When you begin cleaning the house on a Saturday morning, watch your husband carefully. He may try to sneak out the garage in search of the neighbor, who is also dodging his wife and her Stalin-like expectations.
  10. I’m not sure why the great minds of today concern themselves with things like life on other planets, perpetual motion or life after death when there are huge, cosmic quandaries facing us every day, right here at home, left totally unanswered, such as whether it’s better to end a sentence in a preposition, thereby violating an age-old grammatical rule, or avoiding that violation by crafting a ridiculously long-winded, archaic-sounding, pretentious sentence. I mean there’s no easy answer here. (Yes. I’m still thinking about the situation in my last post where I wrote “I need things to move on to.” I mean, what are my options? “I need things to which I can move?” LAME. Or “I need things that will allow me to move on to them?” Out of the question.). You see? PROBLEMATIC.
  11. Other than having a homebirth, I recently engaged in the most hippie activity of my life: I put essential oils on my baby’s feet to “pull out” the fever and cold. Whatever. My mom told me to do it. She’s cool like that.
  12. Speaking of hippies, on June 4th, me, Mac, Ava & Rocket are going to Further. This makes me so happy I could twirl naked in Golden Gate Park with ribbons and flowers in my hair while smoking joints and loving the one I’m with. (Damn it. Another preposition situation.).
  13. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next two weeks without my baby who isn’t a baby. This is my sad face.
  14. To make it through the next two weeks, I’m gonna need you people to hold my hand.  Cyber-space style. I’m also going to need to stop saying things like “cyber-space style” if I ever want to convince people I’m cool.


14 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | April 3, 2011
  • Kimberly

    I’m looking forward to holding your hand next Friday. Non-cyber-space style. Hmm. That may have sounded creepy. Oh well.

    #8 made me pee a little.

    • renegademama

      You know I couldn’t make that shit up. The kid disappears into the bathroom all the damn time and he’s NEVER doing anything helpful. Best case scenario is that he’s pooping. For like 30 minutes. Although I’ve seen that go badly as well. Won’t elaborate. Cannot WAIT to see you Friday.

  • julie

    If it makes you feel any better… her Grandmother spent Friday night having nightmares about potential lapses in vigilance while traveling, and finally calmed herself by promising herself she would TIE Ava’s wrist to hers by a brightly colored ribbon… Also decided she was prepared to counter Ava’s outrage with a ridiculously expensive bribe….

    • renegademama

      Actually, YES, it does make me feel better. Oddly.

      Thanks, Julie, I know she’ll be okay with you. Thanks for taking her…

  • Shan

    1, 2… Whoa! But it’s good to be a brave mama. I do it on smaller fronts, like letting Mad go down the BIG slide. Of course, she’s two.

    10… If Churchill could do it, so can you! (http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/churchill.html) But, yeah, I had tomake a grand announcement a couple years ago about my tendency to do the same thing. Whatevs (I say to the voices in my head).

    12… The last time I went to Golden Gate Park, I danced with the drum circle and then watched men play tennis. One of them in a diaper and bonnet, one with spandex shorts and a plastic yellow “wig” and the third guy, I don’t remember what the heck he was wearing. The vision of these men had nothing to do with the drum circle. I took pictures. Checked them out long after I was home.

    • renegademama

      LOVED the Churchill thing – thanks for sharing.

      And…gotta love GGP…right? Happy people doing happy San Francisco things. Or something.

  • Elena

    #2 You quite possibly are the coolest mom ever for letting your daughter go to Europe.

    #6 Is it disturbing that I secretly relish the days when Mia is sick because it is the only time she will cuddle with me?

    Keep writing! Your posts always make my day.

    • renegademama

      Thanks, Elena. And maybe it’s disturbing a little, but I do it too. So we’re disturbing together at least. I mean it’s not like they’re really sick. If they were really sick we wouldn’t relish it — but a little cold? Ah, no big deal. It’s cuddle rest time. And sometimes it’s simply great.

  • Christina

    Wow you are so brave… I had a hard time with 4 days at Walker Creek. Rock on Momma.

    • renegademama

      brave or stupid. perhaps both. we’ll find out I guess.

  • Lesley

    #1 Her grandmother ROCKS! You rock too for recognizing it – what an amazing open-heart you have.

    #3 my vote goes for the high-pitched scream, preferably in an enclosed car.

    #9 I have no husband and rarely clean house (think that could be related?) – anyhoo, all set there.

    #11 Essential oils for fever: hippie-like wearing beads,long flowey skitrts and headband hippy. Might I suggest a step back and try crushing a clove of garlic, warming up a sock, tucking it in and puttin on baby’s feet? ((briefly – your babe is young – 10 minutes tops) This would be sans headband…(yeah at one point I wore long-flowey skirts – I am NOT ASHAMED OF IT!).

    • renegademama

      her grandmother does rock. all of her grandparents rock. she’s a lucky kid.

      high-pitched scream is a close contender. that one KILLS me.

      Loved the hippie comment. Thankfully she’s better but next time I will try to the garlic. The crazy thing is that within 24 hours of doing the essential oils the fever had broken. weird. maybe coincidental. but maybe NOT, right?

  • eringirl

    you are absolutely awesome.

    also, i want to be a hippie. i think i am going to write a blog post about it.

    • renegademama

      One must have goals.

      I want to see that blog post.

      And thanks re: the awesome…