The quandary of the poop-filled onesie.

by renegademama

Alright. You’ve all been there. Let’s review anyway, just to make sure we’re all on the same page (I HATE that expression).

Your baby is in the car seat and decides to poop one of those soft huge ones. Or you have a newborn who poops in the car seat, or, with some babies (like my first) pretty much at all. The poop has nowhere to travel but (against the force of gravity I might add)…UP. And up it goes, right into the onesie. No further details required, right?

So there you stand, wondering.

What the fuck do I do? There is no clear path. There is no clear way to go. There is no easy way out of this.

Impasse. Predicament. Quandary.

Let’s consider our options.

  1. Roll the onesie up around the poop, attempting to cover it, then pull the onesie over the head of the baby – for obvious reasons, this solution sucks. For one, the chances of covering all that mess are slim, and the idea of getting poop on the baby’s face is alarming on so many levels. Ain’t worth the risk. Explore other options.
  2. Pull the onesie down over the shoulders and feet – seems like the best option for sure. BUT, it only works with the “shoulder flap” onesies (you know, the ones with the big openings at the neck). Some onesies aren’t like that, and they have pretty small openings and snaps, but if your baby is fat like mine, there ain’t no way that opening’s fitting over the belly. Option 3?
  3. Cut the onesie off – great plan. Except for the scissors slicing in extreme proximity to baby fingers, toes, and chins. Nobody’s doing that one. S.C.A.R.Y. Alright . Let’s explore option 4.
  4. Damnit. There is no option 4. Fuck.

But we pull through somehow, one way or another. Story of my parenting life: looking around at a seemingly impossible situation, sure I just can’t do it, sure every attempt will end in disaster, unconvinced of my capacity to deal, to handle, to fix. Then acting anyway.

And getting through it.

Somehow.

Cause to my knowledge, no baby has ever died at the hand of a poop-filled onesie. Or mother, for that matter.

  • Ann Vanderkuip

    Whoo boy–I am guilty of #3; my only redeeming excuse is that they were suture scissors, all ends blunt, so no blood was shed! On a couple of errand-running days, I stopped by friend’s house and hosed the poor kid off with a garden hose (in nice weather of course, and made sure the water didn’t get icy cold) Aside from the horror-filled looks of my friend’s neighbor, no one died…gagged maybe, but still alive!

  • Shan

    We haven’t cut a poop-filled onesie off, but did have to cut off the dress I’d put Fynnie in for Mad’s party. Sucker wasn’t gonna budge.

    For the poop filled onesies, though, my standard of success is pretty low. If I can get it off without getting poop in anyone’s hair, it’s all good.

  • Cailin

    Ahhh, I remember my first onsie blow-out like it was yesterday. It was life changing for me. The horror! For me, it was the day I realized that my that my old life was over. When another person is vomiting or shitting and you’re not backing away, but instead you hold them close enough to get it in your hair…That’s true love!

  • Lesley

    Getting through it is all that matters. Hug your sweet, totally COMPETENT self! And ditto to what Cailin said.

  • my kids wipe their own asses

    This right here serves as birth control for me. I forgot about blowouts. Good lord.

  • realmomofoc

    This is the stuff that needs to be in the baby books!

  • Janine

    First of all… Hahahaha! Second, I usually scream a little, hand the baby to Eric and suggest ge cut it off…. How’s that for good mothering o_0 However, I got stuck with one while out to lunch with my girlfriend and had to deal…. It was horrible and traumatizing :/ thankfully, it hasn’t happened since we started cloth diapers and I try to never use disposables, even if it would be more convenient, like when we’re out and about.

  • Nadine

    I can’t believe I just read a post about poop-filled onesies and thought “Ohmygosh, I identify!!!”

    My husband and I have a proud parenting moment…. I was changing my 3-month-old on a plastic change pad in the parking lot during the half-time of our coed soccer game when poop and pee explosion, everywhere, onesie and change pad, all up the baby’s back and neck (the ground was slanted). I hold up the sopping wet baby, my husband peels her clothes off, and we look at each other like stupid new parents, panicking. This is not a mess for the handful of wipes we have in the diaper bag. She needed a bath but the only water we had was…in our water bottles. I closed my eyes and asked for forgiveness and then dumped the ice-water from our water jug down her back. The delayed reaction was priceless – shock and then scream.

    It is amazing how resourceful you learn to be as a parent.