I used to do this every week. And by “used to” I mean “for 3 months.”
It’s been so long I bet some of you have never even seen WTF? Wednesday, that special time when we contemplate and appreciate the verbal whack flowing from the mouths of babes. Or the brilliance. Mostly whack.
Let’s start with a cute one:
Rocket: “Mama, why do you have to go to school?”
Me: “So I can get a job someday.”
Rocket, looking very concerned and sincere: “But you already have a job. Your job is to homeschool Meeeeeee!”
Can we all just say it together…AWWWWWWW.
____
Ava: “I want to be a NASA engineer, a mom, a cook or a nurse. As a back-up plan, I’ll be the first woman president.”
Me: “That’s a solid back-up plan.”
Ava: “Well, by the time I’m big everything will be so messed up they’ll need somebody smart to fix it. To get elected, I’ll tell everybody what they want to hear, then I’ll do whatever I want once I’m president.”
Remind me not to vote for her if she’s ever running.
____
Ava: “Fourth grade is really a turning point. Kids are so much more mature. You know we say things like ‘not necessarily’ and appreciate lady Gaga and people don’t make farting noises as often.”
I don’t know, people. I just don’t know.
___________
Rocket, trying to coax Georgia to come over to him…”Georgia, come hhhheerrrree….I have something for youuuuuu…it’s right here…look, you can choke on it…!”
Oh come on you know I couldn’t make this shit up.
_________
Rocket, playing with Georgia: “You’re a cute 20 minutes!”
Me: “Rocket, what does that mean?”
Rocket: “She’s cute for 20 minutes. Then she’s annoying.”
Huh. That’s funny, that statement pretty much works for all kids, and most people.
_______
Rocket: “I’m more of a lollipop kind of guy.”
Me: “Rocket, what does that mean?” (Yes, I say that a lot.)
Rocket: “Exactly what I said. I’m more of a lollipop kind of guy.”
Me: “Right. I got that. But you’re more into lollipops than what?”
Rocket: “Everything.”
_________
Ava, as people drove by our house with super loud bass playing: “I bet Georgia has more teeth than those people.”
Me: “That’s not very nice. They could have a whole head of excellent teeth.”
Ava: “No, they spent all their money on that stereo and then couldn’t afford dental care.”
I have NO IDEA where she gets that inappropriate sense of humor.
______
Rocket: “Mama, could you please be less annoying?”
Me: “I don’t think so.”
Rocket: “Why don’t you just try to be less annoying one week at a time. That way you won’t get overwhelmed with the change.”
Gonna be honest, actually considered that suggestion seriously.
Happy WTF Wednesday!
luella
Wednesday, 14 March, 2012 at 4:36bwahahahahaha! Love it.
Melanie
Wednesday, 14 March, 2012 at 8:05I missed WTF Wednesdays! Ok, well, I didn’t used to read them as you posted them because I just recently found your blog. But I did go back and read all the posts, so that counts right? Anyways, love them!
Shelley
Wednesday, 14 March, 2012 at 10:07You just made my entire month with this post, I am dying over here!!! LOL
Marisa
Wednesday, 14 March, 2012 at 15:00You’re a cute 20 minutes. Money!
Meg
Wednesday, 14 March, 2012 at 18:56Ava’s obsessed with dental care!
Emily @ Southerners in SoCal
Wednesday, 14 March, 2012 at 21:34So. Freaking. Hilarious. “Look, you can choke on it” hahaha! Your kids are awesome and scary smart 🙂 As a new reader I’m not familiar with WTF? Wednesdays but I certainly hope you keep them going. Love it!
Stacey
Thursday, 15 March, 2012 at 18:20Your kids are amazing. Love these.
Stephanie
Tuesday, 20 March, 2012 at 9:20OMG, I’m DYING, these are great!
Clair
Thursday, 5 December, 2013 at 22:29How on earth did you keep your shit tight when Ava made the comment about the teeth? That was hilarious. In fact, so hilarious that I peed myself, but I just gave birth so that’s totally acceptable. Seriously. I need to know how you didn’t laugh at that and thus encourage her because I’m at that stage right now and its becoming apparent that its just fuelling the fire.
Diana
Saturday, 27 June, 2015 at 6:18Okay, this may be creepy, commenting on your 2012 post [I’m back reading coz you’re that cool!]. First time to read your WTF! Wednesday, and love it so much I just click on the wtf wednesday tag. haha!