what I learned this week…my dog is an idiot.

by Janelle Hanchett

What I learned this week…

  1. The older kids teach Georgia all kinds of important, meaningful things. For example, this week they taught her to point to her nose when asked “Where are your boogers?”
  2. We were all so proud.
  3. Ava is pretty much exactly like me. I asked her how her first day of 4th grade went, and she said “fine, except for the lunch situation. We all have to sit at these big tables together and most of the kids have really really, really bad manners. It was gross. The only thing that didn’t disgust me was the wall.”
  4. Our idiot dog Pete knocks his water dispenser over pretty much every day, almost as soon as we fill it. So then, he has no water. Jackass. I don’t know what to do with a dog that dumb. I try letting him go thirsty so maybe he’ll connect the two phenomena, but that’s asking a lot from such a beast. Ideas?
  5. Things like #4 fall into the “I Really Don’t Have Time for This Crap” category. Or the “Trivial Problems that Will One Day Push Me Over The Edge For Real” category. I mean seriously, it’s the little nagging things that assassinate me – the things that don’t have immediate answers, but matter, but not enough to be a priority…so they just sit in the back of my mind, bothering me.
  6. Why do some people Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word They Write? Is every sentence they write a TITLE? I mean even if you didn’t get that such behavior is weird, there would be so much effort involved. Why people WHY?
  7. I’m so excited to go back to school I feel like throwing myself a back-to-school party. I know this will make some of you cringe, but I freaking LOVE school. I love it all. The classes, the campus, the desks, the notebooks, the highlighters, the weird-ass theory we’re forced to read, the crazy conservative born again student who just can’t help but integrate Pro-Life arguments into every discussion no matter what the context, the egotistical professors, the thwarted intellectuals, the hallways, the all-night writing sessions. I love it all.
  8. In exactly 2 months, which will be one month after school begins, I will forget #7 completely and wish I still worked at the office.
  9. I’m trying to remain calm about the fact that my son will be 6 years old next month and still only knows 2 or 3 letters by name and doesn’t know a single sound any letter makes. I’m trying, but it’s hard.
  10. I realized I’ve been a real asshole for not responding consistently to comments on my blog. I was doing it regularly, and then I stopped. I am amending that behavior immediately.

Speaking of blogs, the super badass designer JudithShakes Designs (http://www.judithshakesdesigns.com/) finished my new blog and we should be launching it in the next couple weeks. Hope you like it. I do.

17 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | August 14, 2011
  • Michael Ann Riley

    Janelle, God do LOVE your blog!! You say everything exactly the way I would think it 🙂 I love the language, the bluntness, the REALness of you. Thank you! I’m telling all my friends 🙂
    Michael Ann
    The Big Green Bowl
    Thinking in My Head

    • renegademama

      Thank you so much, Michael Ann. I’m flattered. When I first started writing this blog, I felt a healthy amount of “Oh shit, did I just publish that on the INTERNET?” – and a couple times I thought I’d better delete it, but then the comments started coming in and I realized “huh, I am so not the only one thinking this stuff. Whew.”

      And now I’m all comfortable with my over-sharing, inappropriate self. Well, mostly comfortable. 🙂

      Anyway, thanks again.

  • Michael Ann Riley

    PS. My dog drinks out of the toilet. He did that all on his own. Maybe you could teach your dog to do that? 🙂

    • renegademama

      Good idea, except that my 5-year-old never (and I mean NEVER) flushes the toilet, so the dog may end up with weird contamination issues. However it may be worth it. 🙂

  • Heather Jack

    Hi Janelle!
    So I must admit, I lurk around on your blog from time to time and think its fantastic and honest and I’ve been enjoying your writing for quite a little while since I first noticed it on my facebook feed. Yeah, I realize lurking around is not so admirable a quality, but there, I’ve outed myself. However, I’m not totally stalkerish because I didn’t realize until this post that you were headed off to grad school, and I am very excited for you! I just finished classes at a 3-year grad program in New York and I totally agree that school is awesome – even while now I am figuring out what to do with My Entire Life (how’s that for all caps).

    In any case, I am very excited for you and wish you all the best- I know you can make it work however you need to. You’re lucky to have such a great support system around you to make it happen. Enjoy it because it really does go by fast! You’ll love it.

    All the best!

    • renegademama


      Thanks so much for commenting and for your compliments! And, the first rule of blog club: stalking is totally allowed, if not encouraged. I read a lot of blogs I never comment on, until something strikes me and I gotta say something – like this post and you. 🙂 Congratulations on completion of your grad program- and thanks for your words of encouragement. I decided when I started this grad school thing (I’m on the LONG PLAN) that I have to first do it for the sake of doing it – because I love it – rather than because I think I’m going to land some 6-figure job when I’m done. Plus, I study English Literature, which means I’ll be lucky to land a 4 figure job. Damn I wish I were joking.

      Anyway, thanks again, old friend. Glad to “see” you around here!


  • Lisa

    Hey there – thanks for making me crack up . . . again. I woke up wayyyy too effing early this morning and actually had time to read a few of your posts. I now feel I am ready for the chores, or some of them at least! Congrats on going back to school I wish I had the balls or the energy, maybe some day I will! Until then, enjoy it for me, eh?
    Re: The idiot dog water situation – they make those water bowls that are reallly low with a really wide base and rubberized footies on them, maybe you could try one of those? If the dog is stupid enough to knock that over too . . . I dunno maybe he LIKES being thirsty?? And I know, a water bowl is NOT baby (or toddler) friendly, that’s probably why you’ve got a dispenser in the first place. My dog spends a LOT more time outside than she used to. You see, she has a water bowl out there. And I don’t have to watch to make sure the baby (now a toddler too) isn’t poking one of her eyes out or checking to see which toy the dog “likes” to play with best. And she can run after things and make noise if she wants to (which doesn’t work so well when there’s a possum on the power line at 11:00 pm and I’m still trying to get the baby down to sleep, but what the hell you can’t win them all!). The dog gets the shaft because these days, too often out of sight it out of mind. I try to remember she exists and sometimes play with her and maybe remember to feed her at the end of the night. But enough about me . . . good luck with the idiot dog!

    • renegademama

      Okay, this cracked me up. You’re damn funny Lisa. AND you made me think I need to write a blog post about neglected animals. Holy shit my poor dogs. I feel so bad for them – it’s like one more area of guilt…just one more way I’m kinda blowin’ it. “I try to remember she exists…”. Awesome. Can totally relate. I think about needing to walk them each day and play with them, etc., but as you say, they’re lucky to get fed. Damn, we suck!

      Oh well.


      • Lisa

        Thanks . . . and um, holy shit! I didn’t even know you are from Sacto! Saw the thing about voting for you for most valuable blogger and thought to myself . . . You mean this region has produced someone who loves swearing and constantly views the world in new ever so sick and twisted ways and writes crazy run-on sentences OTHER than myself! I am floored. Flummoxed. I grew up here and wonder if I’ll ever want to leave. Probably not. Some people hate this town and look down their nose at me because I think it’s just the Bee’s Knees. Anyway maybe someday I’ll run into you at the grocery store or something – just not the dog park because mine isn’t well enough socialized for that. The dog I mean. My kid would probably love it she loves all animals even when they knock her over out of excitement. But my dog, she thinks she owns the world and if any other dog dares sniff her for more than half a second she gives them a nice stern warning. And if I can’t get between them quick enough it usually ends up not so well. Had a Rottweiler run out of its yard and bite her in the ass the other day because I think she looked at him sideways from afar and ticked him off. The owner swore his dog “had never done anything like that before.” Total BS. But I saw her looking at him funny before it happened. So not the dog park. I’m trying to re-socialize her using techniques from the Dog Whisperer (my personal hero) and we’ve made some progress but not enough for the dog park yet. The mere thought of it scares the shit out of me. And how do you re-socialize an animal who wants nothing to do with other dogs anyways? Thoughts for another day. . . .
        But maybe I’ll see you around – until then good luck with the family (dogs included) and have a great one!

  • Char Klassen

    Now you are going to get WAY too many people commenting, cuz you said you would respond. Opps. No need to respond to me…just know you are the momma comfort for so many mothers trying to make it through parenting chaos. I’ve passed your blog on to many a friend.

    • renegademama

      Thank you so much, Char. I am flattered by your comment. Comments like this keep me writing. Really, they do. Sometimes I wonder if anybody’s reading it – well, I know my mom and husband read it…and a few other people…but you know, like PEOPLE, people I don’t know. 🙂

      So this really does re-energize me.

      Thanks again.

  • Lexie Smith Kliebe

    Thank you for putting my feelings into a perfect phrase – Trivial Problems that Will One Day Push Me Over The Edge For Real. My list of these has started growing much larger recently.

    • renegademama

      Join the club. I’m waiting for things to calm down. Waiting REALLY. REALLY. PATIENTLY. Or not.

  • Shan

    3. I’d be staring at the wall, too. When I wasn’t glaring at people and trying very hard to telepathically express myself.

    4. What the hell is a water dispenser? Why not use a weighted bowl in a stand? Doesn’t solve everything for us, but it helps a lot.

    6. No clue why people randomly capitalize, but I’ve been seeing it a lot Lately. Reminds me of reading texts from the 1600’s. Perhaps it’s the equivalent of muscle memory from our ancestors. I use that to explain why I occasionally add a U to words like neighbour. I don’t have an explanation for why I CONSTANTLY start typing “especially” with an EX. I should just find another word.

    9. You are giving him the best chance to get beyond that. And seriously, the stories about Edison and Einstein being idiots have been tranmitted through the generations for a reason.

    10. Thank god, because if you hadn’t posted your apoplogy and your sincere commitment to changing this, I wouldn’t even be commenting tonight. I’ll bet it was my weeks long absence that brought about the change in your cold, cold heart. You don’t have to admit it. I know, and that’s what matters.
    Seriously, though, I remember to go back and check for comments on my comments about once a month or less.

    PS, LOVE the new design.

    • renegademama

      Dude, I don’t know. I think that dog may figure out a way to knock that shit over, if at all possible. And we were trying to not have to go out there twice a day to water the damn dogs, obviously.

      And I was laughing out loud about the comment thing – actually, throughout most of your recent comment run. You are damn funny. If I’m ever in the SoCal desert I’m totally coming to see you. Whether you like it or not.

  • Lisa Albaladejo

    OK….I so needed you and your blog! When I am dying here from pain, at least now I know I can come over and read your blog to occupy my mind and make me giggle! So glad you found me on Bloggy Moms. Ok, now on with the damn dog….flushed toilet, dogs don’t care and honestly, probably like the protein in their diet. I have a disgusting dog that seriously will go dumpster diving for my grandson’s diaper. SICK ASS BITCH! She licks the other dog’s butt and heck, the other one used to go get “scooby snacks” out of the cat’s liter box when I had a cat so there you have it! They don’t care plain and simple so stop stressing over the filled bucket and it might serve a better purpose if I send you some vinyl that you can put on the bucket that says “Turn me over”! How about that?


    • renegademama

      Dying in pain? What’s up?

      And the “sick ass bitch” comment was awesome.