What I learned this week…no more sarcasm for me.

by Janelle Hanchett

What I learned this week…

  1. It’d be great if my baby would stop getting into the trash. And the cat food. And possibly the refrigerator. That’s all I ask.
  2. I realized recently that every single other person in my home thinks bodily functions are fascinating and farts are amusing. It’s not that I’m above it. I just really don’t think it’s funny.
  3. You know what I do think is funny? This: at 12pm I go to class to learn how to teach grammar to non-native English speakers. Almost immediately after, I go to another class where we discuss how it’s unnecessary to teach grammar to non-native English speakers.  Graduate school, yay.
  4. Homeschooling is going well. And by “well,” I mean “not as bad as it could be were my son a sociopath and I a crackhead.” Pretty much everything I planned is not working and the toddler is posing an unexpected difficulty considering she suddenly and randomly abandoned the morning nap she’s been taking since birth, which is, incidentally, the only time I have each day to really focus on just teaching Rocket – because I can’t do it in the afternoons because I have my own school and evidently the child’s brain loses its ability to do schoolwork after 11am. (Now, students, that’s what we call a “run-on sentence.” They’re terrible. Never use them.)
  5. I’m hoping it’s a transitional thing and it’ll smooth out. You know. Someday.
  6. And I’ll grow okay with the fact that my son is 6 and doesn’t want to read. End of story. (Ha. Ha. Ha.)
  7. So check this out. If we put the cat food on the kitchen floor where it belongs, the baby eats it. If we put the food on the kitchen table, the cat thinks she’s allowed on the kitchen table (sound reasoning there), and consequently LIVES up there, eating the food we should put away after meals but don’t. BUT if we put the food anywhere else in the house, the cat won’t get fed because I’ll forget about it. There’s some real complicated shit in my life.
  8.  My baby spent a good portion of the weekend eating dirt. At one point I actually heard myself say (to somebody expressing some rendition of concern regarding said dirt-eating): “No it’s cool. It’s clean dirt.” Yep, I’m there.
  9. Sometimes I see my husband. That’s nice.
  10. I read an article recently about how parents shouldn’t use sarcasm around their kids because it causes “smart-alecky” kids. I think that is great advice and I’ll be rebuilding my sense of humor as soon as I get a free moment.

Have a great week, people. And look at this. We did a science experiment together and it was freaking perfect and I felt like a good mom and homeschooler. Yeah, that happened once. Once.

9 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | September 18, 2011
  • hogsatemysister

    My musician son, 22, just did an “Andrews Sisters” gig this weekend which was for adults but included lots of home-schooled kids. To quote Eli, “None of them were mental, which was cool.” Yes, he was home schooled for three years and needs the assurance. Hang in there and remember: One day at a time.

  • jess

    I purposefully use sarcasm with my kids SO they’ll be smartasses. It’s an important life skill, really.

    My son will be 7 in December and can’t read either. Doesn’t want to. Refuses to try. Don’t worry…..you’re not alone in that boat.

  • Michael Ann Riley

    I see that photo of rocket in the tie dye shirt, dancing around and I think, “that is one happy kid.” You’re doing something right! 🙂

  • not blessed mama

    see? that’s why you should unschool! no failure! haha. (just kidding, i always feel like a failure. plenty of guilt in unschool as well.)

  • kim

    Kids raised without sarcasm turn into misinformed bitches who leave nasty blog comments.

  • Summer K.

    Yeah my son has recently discovered the joys of getting into everything and chasing the dog around the house. And I totally understand the bodily functions deal…everything that lives in this house besides myself is a male…enough said…And my husband wonders why I’m ready for a little “me” time at the end of the day, haha!

  • Julie

    I’m kind of hoping my kid will grow up with awesome smart alecky super powers. But know when to be Clark Kent, ifyouknowwhatImsayin.

  • Kateri Von Steal


    It’s amazing what the little ones will put in their mouths.

    My bf’s cat once jumped on the island in the kitchen, and stole an entire pork rib off it… kicker is… we were all by the island in the kitchen and didn’t see him do it.. EVEN BETTER… he has a bell so you can hear him coming… The bell never rang… once. Very agile creature.

    I loved this post.

  • NovelTeaMommy

    “No it’s cool. It’s clean dirt.”
    I love you 🙂

    My kids eat stuff off the ground. I figure they have to build immunities anyway.

    Good luck with the reading. I don’t know what mental state I’d be in if I didn’t have books to escape to.