An open letter to dudes who check out women’s asses and think nobody notices

by Janelle Hanchett

Dear dudes who check out women’s asses and think nobody notices,

You know who you are. Don’t deny it. I saw one of you just the other day, and despite my glares and mouth agape at your conspicuousness and lack of class, you just kept on staring, which compels me to write you this letter, just to clear up what I was thinking, and what, perhaps, we’re all thinking. About you. You somewhat dirty man in your 50s.

Here’s what you did.

I was standing in a long line at a coffee shop. You were over at the end of the counter waiting for your drink. A young woman in jeans was standing at the register, ordering. Admittedly her curves didn’t suck. You also noticed this and decided to get a better look. So you backed up, took a few steps to the left to get an unobstructed view, and stared. Just STARED. Your eyes did not move from her ass. I stared at you. I kept staring at you. You didn’t notice. I tilted my head to one side like “for reals?” and wished I could bitch-slap you with my mind, for being an asshole.

I felt a pang for this woman, because she was just standing there, in jeans and a sweatshirt, a college student, ordering some coffee, and she became the object of whatever sick shit was rolling through your kinda-old-man brain. And you didn’t even have the decency to hide it.

You looked away for a minute. Then did it again. You were fixated. To me, you looked pathetic and creepy and almost violent with the forcefulness of your attention.

She walked over closer to you. You kept staring. I kept glaring.

The truth is I wanted to tell you you’re a fucking sleazebag slime ball, to so obviously lust after a woman at least 30 years younger than you, with no respect for her or anybody else. With no regard for who she may be as a human, or that perhaps she deserves a little privacy, or respect. That she’s somebody’s daughter and maybe mother.

And maybe you think we don’t notice. Maybe you think we can’t see what you’re doing as you undress her with your eyes and contemplate the beauty that will never be yours.

I was once the woman you dirt bags stared at, as most of us were, when I was young and thin and, um,  perky. But I ain’t anymore and I gotta tell you, it doesn’t really bother me that much. And now, I feel this weird motherly-like protective instinct for women who aren’t asking for it and yet become sex objects under the power of a masochistic gaze.

I have a feeling you don’t get it very often. I have a feeling you have a very small wee-wee.

I have a feeling you aren’t much of a man at all. You probably pay for it. You probably pay women to meet the expectations of your self-centered fantasies. It was clear you thought nothing of her beyond what she could offer you sexually. Everybody in the place was watching you gawk. My intuition was raging that you were not a man to be trusted.

So let me just say we all know, dude. We know what you’re doing and we know you’re a fucking loser. And, yes, we know your wee-wee is subpar at best.

That is all.


Everybody else in the world.

  • kim

    I’m not ready for the day that someone looks at one of my daughters like that.

  • Stephanie

    Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. Every. Single. Word. Except my mouth precedes me sometimes and I tend to make comments. I think I would have in that instance.

  • Sean Marie

    This is going to sounds incredibly self absorbed, but I swear to God while I was pregnant nasty ass men in creepy white utility vans would gawk at me like I was a sexual goddess. It freaked me the fuck out and I always shot them the evillest looks. Maybe they were just staring at my giant belly but something tells me they had a sick fantasy about being able to bang me with out getting me pregnant. I don’t know. Maybe I was just self conscious but there are some sickos out there.

  • Brandon

    But it’s cool if I stare at my wife’s ass right? I mean dudes check out asses. It’s sort of a DNA thing. I’m sure chicks do the same. But there’s no need to leer and reposition yourself to get a better look.

    Actually I totally get where you’re coming from. As a a father of girls, I hate that random dudes are probably going to ogle and objectify them in their own minds. Unfortunately I can’t control that. What I can control is teaching them their worth every single day, so douchebags like that don’t make them feel small or less than they are as they leer.

    I think the best way to deal with a pervy dude is to call him on his shit and hopefully embarass his sweatpant wearing ass so much that he crawls right back to his hole and thinks twice about doing it in the future (or at least be a little more furtive for crissake).

  • Michael Ann

    OH, this is perfect! It gave me goosebumps in a bad way because I felt really bad for this girl. The same way you do. When I was a teenager, I had really nice breasts and I would get men of all ages just staring at them, even when I was talking straight at them. This prompted me to start wearing baggy sweatshirts and tops and it took me a long time to get over that feeling. I was never “proud” of my body, just embarrassed and self-conscious.

  • Straw/Jen/Berry

    Uh, were you in Davis because I think I saw the same guy at the South Davis Safeway. He was in the parking lot. I said “perv” really loud as I walked by. He and his beannie were oblivious.

  • Lesley


  • Cheryl

    I have a gorgeous, smart, hilarious, sweet, awesome 18 year old daughter who gets gawked at if she goes out looking all tore back and in sweats, I mean she’s model material. I cannot count the number of guys twice (or more!!!) her age I’ve mentally stabbed in the eyes for staring at her as if she were a piece of meat. I’m so glad she knows what a catch she is, and doesn’t fall victim to those dirty, smarmy, predatory bastards. I’d love to reach into their minds and rip out that mental picture of her they’ve stored in there to pull up again when they’re home alone, yuck!!!

  • Unapologetic man

    Aw, what a burden it must be to be a mother hen to strange women and feel you have the right to protect her virtue. Give me a break. I’m a man and I’ll look wherever I damn well please. So when men get a certain age they are no longer allowed to admire a woman’s beauty? A letter to all the women out there who think they can pick and choose who gets to notice them: get over yourselves.

  • Dan

    Men aren’t the only ones who do this. Look at all of the mothers are boy band and Bieber concerts.

    Creepy people cross the gender boundary, apparently it is acceptable for women to droll over people who could be their sons, but unacceptable when men do it?

  • Tyrone

    Short and sweet, maybe he was bogus, but the real issue is the clothing that’s available for American Women, Women in the middle east covered up, if our American culture was different the looks Women get would be different.