America, please stop raising assholes

by Janelle Hanchett

Hey America. I know you’re busy. But if you have a minute, I have a really important request: Please stop raising assholes.

I know. You’re just so good at it. It’s your jam. But seriously. It’s not complicated.

It’s not even that deep.


Sorry for yelling.

It’s just that I’m tired of you. I’m really, really tired of you.

I’m tired of the parents who raised the kids who bullied this kid until he killed himself.

And these people, who buried their transgender daughter as a man.

And these winners, who cited religious beliefs to justify the rejection of the very child they brought into this world, the one who jumped off a bridge into oncoming traffic.


Your keen perception skills may have observed that I cited examples of assholes relating to sexual and/or gender orientation. Well, that’s because the asshole quotient of America seems to elevate exponentially as soon as sexual orientation and gender are involved.

Why? Who the hell knows why. Because you’re weird, America. You’re weird.

You call this hatred “Christian” and I’m pretty sure Jesus Christ, after whom your religion is allegedly formed, was pretty clear on that topic with the whole “love one another” riff.

So, you cite somebody with an inherently and openly opposite philosophy to justify yours, even though yours results in the deaths of children.

In other words, Jesus thinks you’re a dick.

pretty much

pretty much

No he doesn’t. He’s Jesus. (Or was, anyway.) He’s Jesus precisely because he doesn’t think you’re a dick. Or maybe he does but he doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t hate people who don’t act like him. He accepts them anyway.


Sorry. Again.

I, however, am not Jesus, and I think you’re an asshole, and really, really wish you would stop doing what you do, because it’s terrible, and it’s weird, and people are dying because of you. Transgender and gay people are dying because of you.

I’m not asking you to agree with their actions. If the thought of simultaneously having a penis and wearing a dress makes you want to curl up in a dark closet and weep for the plight of humanity, that’s cool. Go do that. But do it quietly. And perhaps give a little thought to the fact that clothing on a body that isn’t even yours makes you freak the hell out but you’re perfectly okay with “conversion therapy” wherein you attempt to BULLY MANIPULATE SHAME AND INTIMIDATE a separate human being into becoming what they are NOT, even though they are hurting nobody by being who they are.

You, however, are hurting a boatload of people by “being who you are,” but somehow that’s okay in your mind, even though the dude you claim to worship said “No really, I mean it. Stop hurting other people.”


Look, I get it. Those whacky transgenders and crazy gays are hurting you. I know. I understand. It just messes you right up.

Your poor little ego’s feelings shrivel up in a sad little ball and cry out into the cold, unfeeling night: “But what about me? What about my religion? You were born a BOY. Act like a BOY. That’s what I know to be true and right and good and what would happen if those lines became blurred!? OMG THE FEAR!”

I get it. That’s hard. But people are dying and therefore, fuck your ego. And your hate-spewing religion.

Oops. I didn’t mean that. Yes, I totally meant that. (And THAT is why I’m not Jesus and nobody reads my teachings 2,000 years after I walked the earth.)

Incidentally, that’s not Christianity and no, you don’t “put God first” because IF you “put God first” and GOD IS LOVE then you would, by extension, LOVE ALL THINGS EQUALLY and we would not be having this conversation.

Nope. You love yourself above all things. You love your ideas and experiences and perspectives. You love them so passionately and totally and fervently that you can’t even entertain the thought that the ideas and perspective and experiences of others are, at the very least, worthy of even a disapproving silence, let alone semi-loving acceptance. No, you love yourself so fully and completely that if somebody differs from YOU you’ve concluded there must be something wrong with them and they must be CHANGED, at any cost, to fit YOUR vision of “human.”

Wow, weird. I thought God made those decisions, being omnipotent and omnipresent and all. Huh. So are you God? You must be God. No wait. You’re not God.



idea ^^^


And you insist on raising children. I wish you would knock that off. I wish you would stop doing your best to raise future assholes.

Perhaps you’re still confused, so I’ll make this very clear: If you are a member of a religion that rejects, diminishes or vilifies members of the human race who look, believe or act differently than you, you’re probably an asshole.

And if you are raising children and telling those children that members of the human race who look, believe or act differently than what your religion dictates are “evil,” and if you back those statements with hatred and derogatory terms, you’re trying your hardest to raise another asshole.

If you say “fag,” and you don’t mean “cigarette” in England (do they still say that?), if you get all bent outta shape when boys do “girl” things and girls do “boy” things, you might be raising an asshole.

You know what? Fuck that. This is more than that.

If you don’t outright teach your kids that all people deserve basic respect, even the little boy who dresses “like a girl,” you’re trying to raise an asshole.

If you aren’t teaching your kid to observe hatred and fight it, speak up and out and against the mistreatment of little girls who choose the identity of “John” and little boys who want to jump around with pom-poms, if you are not teaching them that personal identification is not necessary for basic respect and decency, that our job on earth is to do some good and help a few people out and not ruin lives or the earth or each other, if you aren’t making clear that these people are hurting nobody and deserve life and love and joy just like you or me or your kid, and deserve to not die hanging from ropes in their bedrooms or jumping off bridges in front of semis or taking pills or slitting wrists or sitting in their bedrooms wishing they were dead because YOU, America.

YOU INSIST ON PERPETUATING YOUR ASSHOLE NATURE because some boys want to wear dresses and it makes you feel funny.


You. It’s your fault.

Yeah, I said that. And I meant it. If you are not actively working against the bullying of people, if you are not teaching your kids at the very least a subtle love and acceptance of all people who are not harming others, even those YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND simply because they are, in fact, humans on this earth, you are part of the problem.

And people are dying.

And it’s on you.

And I don’t have one single problem saying it.

Stop raising assholes, America.

Get a new fucking jam.


Thumbs up, America.

Thumbs up, America.

114 Comments | Posted in I'm going to get unfriended for this | January 9, 2015
  • maureen

    You are brilliant.

    • Stop Enabling People

      You sound pretty upset. I noticed every comment here is in support of what you’ve said. You either have a lot of loyal fans or I”m going to guess in your angry aggressive irrational rant, you decided it was a good idea to delete those that opposed you.

      And yes. I believe that. Because of the tone of your article.

      We get it. You’re angry that people have problems with people who can’t percieve or are in denial of physical reality. And no, before you ask, I’m not religious. I believe in reason and observation. Science.

      Oh about that. Transgenderism was name changed and/or removed from the disorders section of the psychiatric dictionaries due to POLITICAL PRESSURE. Not a scientific breakthrough. It was because people were mad their birth defect (yes, that’s what it is. I’m sorry if you don’t like it) wasn’t recognized as an identity, and were getting stigmatized for it, instead of the help they needed.

      So angry nutjobs like you pressured and pushed and corrupted science and medicine. And you continue to do so now in our politics.

      I’m afraid of them? You seem to infer that. It’s hard to be afraid of let alone take seriously someone who can’t even accept their body and rejects it because it doesn’t match their personal mental image of wish fulfillment and selfish fantasy. You were born wrong? That would imply that there was an intended design for you.

      There’s a reason that this is less than 0.1% of the world’s population. Chromosomes. I won’t even get into how stupid you saying THOSE don’t count either. Do you know what happens when chromosomes aren’t matched right? Birth defects. They also cause things like down’s syndrome and other related mental conditions.

      Maybe instead of being angry and indoctrinated, and telling us to get educated, you should get out of denial and actually get PROPERLY educated first. Through science. Not a bleeding heart.

      As for those who commit suicide over bullying. I hate to break it to you, but that’s not confined to the trans or gay community. Just stop it right there.

      Start reasoning with logic and facts, not feelings and your anger.

      You’re a bad example of our country and should be ashamed of yourself, as should every person here who is sitting her encouraging and enabling this kind of crap.

      • renegademama

        Unless it calls my children or husband names, I publish every piece of inane drivel that comes my way. For example, your comment.

        Have a nice day.

      • Alexander Daark

        Although some of your points has validity. You are only spewing your own brand of crap. So-called “oh, so tidy mindsets;” logic and science are concepts often yakked about, but seldom actually practiced. Generally and historically speaking, human beings is a savage and illogical race. Despite all of your divine trumpeting. Beyond your blindness, there is much cause for individuals to be displeased and angry in regards to what is occurring throughout planet Earth! Unfortunately, the emphasis is NOT righting wrongs, seeking viable human rights systems et cetera. The average individual nowadays merely concerns him or herself with monetary and sociopolitical obsessions!! Science does have it’s place. However, it does have it’s own inherent corruptions and flaws. And it does not predominate overall

      • Alexander Daark

        All in all, what really doesn’t matter is attitudes and mindsets of “sheeple” like YOU! Be gone. Before some scientific overlord drops a laboratory on you!

      • Barry Waterfield

        I do tend to agree that this person was upset, but maybe a kinder approach might be to look at the reason why.

        I always feel desperately sorry when I read that someone isn’t happy with being a girl or a boy, and mutilates themselves to try and achieve a more personally pleasing result, and I find myself wishing that I could make them see how beautiful they are as their birth gender. But I can’t, whatever this problem is , it is too entrenched by the time the child is born, for their to be any possibility of ‘bucking the trend’. The only sensible course is, in my opinion to let them dress and act as they feel comfortable.And that necessarily includes cutting out the bullying, whether parental, sibling , state or church, it simply doesn’t help. Our endeavours meanwhile must be to investigate the possibility of this being a genuine brain disorder, or, as I think more likely , and early programing fault.I notice that many of these people never go through a homosexual stage in childhood, and I think there may be a clue there, this stage is so important in alining the individual.It’s absence points , as I said before to an early glitch in orientation. In short, they relate to the opposite sex before establishing their own gender then affirm it upon themselves, all quite possibly before the age one year.The new born child at first explores it’s own body , then a similar body and lastly the opposite sex. I think that not even the transgendered folk would try to push their state as normal, so we should refrain from dwelling on that.

        The main bug bare in all this is religion. They tend to be the people who carry the most hatred in their hearts, and they tend to be the most vocal.The more elementary the society the stronger the religious hold and I do agree with the speaker that their voice should be rationalized, and yes, moderated by law if it leads to bullying, which heaven alone knows Christ would have abhorred. But America is a young country, and such attitudes are characteristic of the young and the ignorant masses, and I think that lies at the heart of this speakers sadness and hostility, and I am with him/her on that.

    • Rob

      Well in America telling your kids to not misbehave is “abuse”. What do you expect? Your laws are not reasonable and are irrational. With divorce rate of 40 – 50 % the teen will go to the irresponsible parent. The so called “Child Protection” gives kids the “right” to be wrong. They get to pick which parent and guess who a teen will pick? The one who loves and tells them the truth or the one who wants child support?

      My ex says that teaching my kid math was “abuse”. I have it from her in writing. Meanwhile she was having sex with her boyfriend upstairs. My kid was asking me: what is that noise. America: you brought this on yourself.

  • Heather Bowden

    Wow. You just said Everything I have had on my mind. You’re truly a wordsmith. Is it weird that I want to grab a meal with you or have coffee and just like hang out with you? Lol I think we’d get along together famously

  • Christella

    Yes. SO MUCH YES.

  • Marieke

    Yes! YES!! Well said. And thank you for saying it.

  • Erin


  • LisainNZ

    Yes. Yes. Yes. Brilliant.

  • Shannon

    I live in that tiny little area just north of Cincinnati where Leelah Alcorn is from. In fact, my oldest daughter went to the same school. I wish with everything I have that I somehow could’ve found her and told her everything would be ok! My house isn’t very religious but the Jesus that I DO know hung out with whores, lepers, outcasts, etc. I could never imagine turning my kids away. For anything that defines who they are or who they want to be!

  • Vagina

    I know I am always saying “I love you…you are the best, Oh my gosh will you marry me”..and creepy stuff like that….but I can’t help it when you write things like this! I fall in love all over again with you!! I have so many writing pieces that I am too chicken shit to post because of fear! This here….it gives me courage. You give me courage and are always inspiring me! When you have your New York Times bestseller I will be the FIRST one buying it!!

  • Sabrina

    Hmmm….not entirely sure where you stand on the issue. 🙂 Good post.

  • Kristee

    As a Christian…I say amen! Best sermon I’ve heard in a long time….

  • Heather Uriarte

    Amen, sister. Thankfuly, there are a lot of us Americans who feel like you do.

  • Jennifer

    Yes! Love these kids, THAT’S what Jesus would do.

  • Jennifer

    I’ve actually told my mom that my nephew is kind of an asshole because he can’t like or do anything he deems a “girl” thing. I don’t get it. I know he isn’t getting it from my brother. He must be getting it from his ex’s whackadoodle family. It pisses me off. Is 10 old enough for me to start telling to quit acting like an asshole?

    • Mary Anthony

      As the mom of a few 10yo boys, no, it is not too early to tell him to stop being a jerk. It might be too late, but it’s certainly not too early. Be the person in his life who makes him think and treat people compassionately.

  • Sonda Silva

    I couldn’t disagree more. I will continue to raise my “assholes” to be kind to them but it is another example of immorality that we are being bullied to accept. People lose their minds if a 14 year old gets a breast job or plastic surgery or tattoos or anything but they can make the choice to mutilate their bodies to become someone who THEY ARE NOT.I won’t have your opinion forced on me anymore than I will try to convince you of the wrongness of their actions.

    • renegademama

      Well, Sonda, if you’re teaching your kids “to be kind” then you’re not raising assholes, are you?

      But I could see how you would think I was trying to get you to agree with the actions of others by the way I wrote “I’m not asking you to agree with their actions.”


    • Laura

      Hmm…I doubt that you VISITING HER BLOG To read her words constitutes her forcing her opinion on you. And I think the “assholes” she’s referring to aren’t religious kids. ..they’re intolerant ones. So if you’re raising your kids to be kind, there’s no problem. No?

    • Vagina

      Aww Sonda,….it seems you didn’t read past the word GAY!! ..Renegade mothering…This here is the perfect example of why I never post the real shit I want to post! I’m still too chicken shit to deal with this kind of bigotry!! Oh and BTW Sonda, ..”Immorality” is in the eye of the beholder!

      • Laura

        Hehe. Vagina, I’m with you 100%. Where on earth are you and the other people who read this blog located? I need you guys in my life like, now! There should be a way for us all to find each other in real life so we can have ludicrously awesome play dates.

        • renegademama

          I’ve actually been thinking about starting some sort of forum or group or something with general locations so people can meet up.


          Tell me that wouldn’t be rad.

          I don’t know what we’d conference about, but whatever. We’d be together.


          • Laura

            Dude, are you kidding me?? That would be the shiz. A forum I feel like I *might* actually fit into, haha. I’m a new stay at home and am having the worst luck finding friends I can stand (or have the least bit of ANYTHING in common with. I live in a lame area.) Or a conference?? Something like that would make my freaking day.

          • Laura

            (I also love the idea of meetup groups with general locations, mostly since I’m all the way in NY and have a six month old perpetually attached to my boob.)

          • Tanya

            Ah! A conference! Yes, please!!! I found your blog a year ago, in the wee hrs of the morning when I breastfeeding my brand new baby. I literally read every past post while sitting there for hrs in those early months just feeding. Your words kept me sane, realizing I’m not crazy… Or at least there are other people who think like me. I’ve cried and laughed so hard I’ve woke up the sleeping baby in my arms. I feel like I need an opportunity to shake your hand and say thank you. So to sum all this up, I agree. A conference would be beyond rad!

        • Keri

          You might try finding your local Unitarian Universalist church. A wonderfully accepting community of people.

          • Michelle

            We belong to our local UU church and it’s been amazing. The youth leaders use Jeremy’s correct pronouns and zie loves going to Youth Group, where zie’s accepted by all the kids.

      • Sonda Silva

        Exactly my point. Why am I not allowed to believe what my convictions and gut tell me without persecution? Double standard.

        • Laura

          Huh? You’re not being persecuted right now with these particular comments. You just clearly didn’t get the point of the blog post and aren’t actually *hearing* what any of the comments are saying. I’ll break it down for you:

          Blog post: “I don’t care what your convictions are and I’m not trying to get you to change them but at the very least stop teaching your kids to be assholes to people who are different. It causes serious damage.”


          Commenters: Relax, nobody was trying to.

          You: I’m being persecuted!

          Take a breath, calm your shit, and try to read it all again. Nobody’s “persecuting” you.

          • JessieB

            I read the post and I’ve read all the way down thru the comments until I got here.
            I stopped to say this:
            Conference, location device to find other awesome women, STOP RAISING ASSHOLES… amen to all of that.
            But your response here, this little summary you used to try and explain to someone that she wasn’t really hearing what was being said, AMEN to this.
            THIS is why I want to go to a conference with all of you – to listen to open hearted, intelligent, SEEING women talk about all things hard and real with love and lots of eff bombs.
            That would be where it’s at.
            We really need to stop being assholes. We really need to stop reacting, and stop and think. It’s totally OK if men dressed up as women make you uncomfortable, or a teenage female needing to identify as a male makes you squirm. That’s OK, Sonda. I’d be lying if I said my own experience with a transgender male going through the process to become a female…but still wanting to date girls…didn’t leave me scratching my head and a bit shy to mingle. But in the end, when it’s time to pick a team, there are good guys and bad guys. I’m trying to teach my kids who the good guys are, and we judge by the heart inside. Not appearance, not sexual orientation, not mistakes…but if there is love and kindness to be found inside them, then we want them on our team.

            • Laura

              I just saw your response, thanks! You guys rock and I’d be honored to chill with a huge group of us Renegade readers. Janelle, you have a smart (not to mention cool) following. =)

    • Rachel

      i really don’t understand why you would care about what people do with their sexuality when it has ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT ON YOU. I also don’t understand why you read this blog, as you seem philosophically opposed to it. I find that there are many people pretending to be something they are not, resulting to harm from others, and nothing I have ever seen had anything to do with being gay or transgendered. Be philosophically opposed, fine, but don’t feel the need to state it on a post that supports and respects the LGBT community. Nobody forced you to read this, so…..I guess you are just being an asshole.

    • Sara

      I didn’t hear anyone suggesting people should “mutilate” a child’s body? Just that we should accept them. The medical implications here are a completely different situation. What does it hurt you to nod your head and say, “Oh, your name is John? It’s lovely to meet you,” and be on your merry way?

      • Sonda Silva

        Who says that I would turn them away. One of my favorite cousins is gay, I have many gay friends. They all know and accept me as I accept tjem. All of us sinners. I will not, however allow society to convince my child that that is the way one should live. 🙂

    • Michelle

      No one is talking about mutilating a child’s body. First off, not every trans person wants or has surgery and second, doctor’s don’t do gender based surgery on children.

      It is not a choice to be LGBTQ. It is, however, a choice to be prejudiced. Leelah’s parents felt the same way as you, which is why she’s now dead. Teach your children love and acceptance instead of hate. Stop judging people and deciding you know their path better than them.

      The attempted suicide rate for trans and gender non-conforming youths is astronomical due to a lack of support. It’s up to you whether you’re part of the problem or part of the solution.

  • karen Loopman-Davis

    I am currently traveling in Thailand (last week!) where people can look and dress however they want (even in the workplace) and no one bats an eye. From full surgeries to transvestites to a man with a mustache wearing eyeliner and painted nails, it’s all here. My kids and I were just saying that there must be just as many people in the US of A that wish they could express themselves and look like that without being afraid…

  • Laura

    This awesome post – especially the stories that you linked to – terrifies me for the future of my tiny child. A kid literally being bullied to death? I feel so much sadness looking at that boy’s sweet face and imagining the pain he must have felt. I don’t know who my children will be, but all I can hope for is that they are totally themselves and that other people’s awful offspring don’t hurt them because of it. That boy’s parents must be devastated. They did everything they could, and yet the damage was done.

    How do people who raise miserable turds like that exist in the world? *sigh* Terrified.

    Your post makes me want to DO something about it.

  • karen Loopman-Davis

    I am currently traveling in Thailand, where people can look and dress however they want (even in the workplace) and no one bats an eye. From full surgeries to transvestites to a man with a mustache wearing eyeliner and painted nails, it’s all here. My kids and I were just saying that there must be just as many people in the US of A that wish they could express themselves and look like that without being afraid…

    • renegademama

      Oh god. Take me there! Someday.

  • Carrie

    If I can do one thing in my life, it is to instill in my children that everyone-and I do mean everyone-deserves to be accepted and acknowledged for who they are. Thank you for letting me know there are more people who feel like this!

  • Miss Clariss

    This is EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to say for, like, the last 26 years. Word, Momma. Preach.

  • Anne C.

    Sonda Silva, transgender identity is not an “opinion,” it’s a medical fact. It is not “immoral” to be born with a body that doesn’t match your brain.

    Is it “mutilation” to perform surgery on a child born with a club foot or a faulty heart valve? It’s the same deal for transgender people: medical problem, medical solution.

    You may not realize it, but attitudes like yours are exactly what drives trans people like Leelah Alcorn to suicide. Janelle said it already: don’t be an asshole.

    • Sonda Silva

      Two twin males with identical dna. One is gay one is straight….how then are you born gay? I’m very sorry that you’ve been mislead.

      • Bertram Fox

        There’s no chance of changing your opinion, but this is for anyone who might be left with the impression that you had scored a factual point.

        “Two twin males with identical dna. One is gay one is straight….how then are you born gay?”

        I’d be tempted to ask for your citation, and bet my boots you don’t have one, but let’s allow for purposes of argument that it happens.

        Firstly, DNA doesn’t determine everything. Clone a litter of tortoiseshell cats (it’s been done) and they all have different patterns: the DNA says “tortoiseshell,” but where the spots happen depends on random influences in the womb. Given that human genes allow the possibility of homosexual and transgender orientation, what switches those on may be just such a random influence.

        Secondly, one of the things that makes humans uniquely adaptable is that we have to learn a lot of things that other animals know by instinct: and it appears that one of those things is how to have sex. I’m not talking about ideas like “You’ll be gay if your Dad doesn’t play football with you”; that sort of learning has been ruled out in hundreds of studies. What sets a baby brain on the road to the default setting of straight vanilla, or to an everyday acceptable fetish like big breasts or muscles, or to the bell-curve ends of gender dysphoria or homosexuality or weirder stuff that I won’t threaten your innocence by listing, are butterfly-wing influences that might have the opposite effect if they happened ten seconds earlier or later. And it only gets set once: you don’t get to click up “Edit Profile” and change it later.

        So if you like, you can call everyone who isn’t part of your safe in-group sick and twisted: that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. But don’t insult them factually by claiming they chose to be that way (like anyone would choose to be hated and outcast,) and only stay that way because they’re too lost in sin to choose better. Because the facts say it’s not so.

        • Sonda Silva

          There is a billboard on the side of 64 in VA that is what I’m citing. It is a fact. You are mistaken in that identical twins do not have an identical dna make-up, they do. I’m not sure what you are citing from ( your rear I’d guess) People are not born gay, and no amount of insults or reverse bullying on your part will change that. I will never treat someone badly for their choices, but I do NOT have to agree.

          • Anne C.

            ‘Cause everybody knows that if it’s on a billboard, it MUST be true.

            I once met twin newborn babies, one with Down syndrome, one without. Did one of those babies make a “choice” after birth to have different genes from the other?

            Also, I ask this sincerely: did you choose to be straight?

            • Sonda Silva

              Also, it was on the news and was quite a big story here.

              • Martha

                You say one is not born gay because identical twins have the same DNA and there are examples of identical twins one gay one straight. How do you know the ones claiming to be straight aren’t actually gay? Perhaps they are surrounded by ASSHOLES and fear coming out, perhaps even to him/herself.

              • R

                It was on the news that Birmingham, the UK’s second biggest city is a no go zone to non mulsims. I can’t begin to describe how utterly laughable that is to a British person. ( Anyway, my point is, not all news is true.

                By the way Renegade Mamma, people still smoke fags here (in the lighted cigarette in your mouth kind of way, not in some kind of horrendous vigilane action against gays kind of way).

          • Cuglas

    • Sonda Silva

      Having an opinion that doesn’t line up with your grossly misinformed one doesn’t make ME the asshole…mirror check sister…I have the right to teach my children tolerance without encouraging Immoral behavior. So who’s the asshole? That’d be you folks who blame others for suicide…that’s a choice they’ve made and I’m not responsible for that. Maybe if someone loved them enough to guide them in the right direction they’d have the substance to stand strong.sexual sins destroy YOU.

      • Anne C.

        ‘Cause everybody knows that if it’s on a billboard, it MUST be true.

        I once met twin newborn babies, one with Down syndrome, one without. Did one of those babies make a “choice” after birth to have different genes from the other?

        Also, I ask this sincerely: did you choose to be straight?

        • Sonda Silva

          I absolutely chose to be straight. As much as you’d like to paint me into this Christian bigoted corner I am actually a very different person than that. I see beauty in both men and women and then a lot of things that other people probably don’t. I made the choice to get married and being with a man because it is what felt natural and because it is what I believe is the right thing to do in order to maintain a society that is set up to succeed. Could I then not appreciate the beauty of a woman of course not but just as in any relationship you don’t stray from the one you’re with man or woman.

          • Laura

            Sonda this statement indicates you are Bi-Sexual choosing to live with a partner of the opposite sex. This is not the experience many people! They on the other hand find themselves attracted to one sex in particular not both. Someone is not heterosexual just because they choose to be with someone of the opposite sex you are heterosexual if you are only attracted to the opposite sex and rarely to never attracted to same sex individuals. The opposite is true of those who identify as gay they are attracted to same sex and do not find themselves attracted to opposite sex individuals. There is no sense of choosing one’s sexual orientation for heterosexuals or homosexuals. Your sexual orientational experience is unlike others.

  • Carly S.

    Fucking NAILED it, as always.

  • CescaNay

    love this, just like all your other posts.

    Same level of asshole-ishness here in England…

  • Carli

    I have a friend who has suffered with sexual orientation all her life. When she finally had the courage to come out, she was so happy for about 6 months – the 6 months before she told her ultra-religious parents. Once she told them, they immediately let her know how unacceptable this was, how she was condemned to eternal damnation, and eventually forced her into shock-therapy. Her physical and mental health have deteriorated to the point that she is simply unrecognizable. I still love and support her in whatever she feels she needs to do to be happy, but I often cry angry tears at the thought of what could have been had she felt she had the freedom to just be who she is. I know this is a very different issue than being transgendered, but the hatred is the same. Parents should love their children enough to accept them unconditionally and to teach them to do the same with the rest of humanity. Pretty sure God would not approve of anything less.

  • R.M.

    Thank You!

  • Lorie English

    Brilliant. Honest and raw and just exactly what needs to be said. This is why I follow this blog. Thank you!

  • Diane

    ……..probably you are preaching to the choir……comments need to be read by the “pray away the gay” crowd….

  • trace

    Excellent. As a Jesus follower I love this. I read in the Bible that sodomy is wrong. But it also condemns lying etc. Jesus raised the bar on sin- to look at a woman lustfully was adultery. So how can hate be acceptable? Or the teaching of hate. I wish “Christians” would remember their sins of unforgiveness, bitterness, hate, malice etc are just as offensive to a holy Good as sodomy. They are equally sinful people standing before God and only he is allowed to judge. Not us. But we (Christians) are held to a higher standard of behavior than unbelievers because we have forgiveness and mercy and Jesus’ example. So they should really be spending their energy in the only person they can change- themselves. I super love your blog and your bravery and your story. Thank you.

  • Nick

    I’ve read many posts but have never commented. This one is just so dead-on that I felt I had to chime in.

    1) I love this so much:

    “Wow, weird. I thought God made those decisions, being omnipotent and omnipresent and all. Huh. So are you God? You must be God. No wait. You’re not God.


    2) Again, I couldn’t agree more with everything in this blog post.

    3) I think some sort of conference would be AWESOME

    Thank you for writing this!

  • Gaijinmama

    I’ve been reading this blog for a few months now and am finally jumping in from way over here on the other side of the world to say hell, yes. People should have basic compassion and show consideration for other human beings, whether or not you like them or agree with them, and set an example for our kids to do the same. Also, if no one is being harmed, back off and let people be who they are.
    Why is it so hard for some people to get behind that? Sheesh.
    Raising my cup of green tea in your general direction.

  • bskud

    Trying to figure out how to get my older bro to read this. His 20 yr old daughter is trying to figure things out for herself, and he’s struggling, holds prayer sessions for her to “recover.” I wish he’d just shut up and hug her. Thanks for this.

  • Jessica

    I couldn’t agree more with this post! Every post you write is so dead-on. I cannot understand how people can justify hate with their religion. Nothing makes me more upset then to see “christians” giving Christianity a bad reputation. The Jesus I follow teaches love, plain and simple. It’s actually a very easy concept.

    • Sonda Silva

      However you try to vilify my position, if you have not heard me use the word hate bc there is none. I don’t care if my opinion is popular or not. I will stand firm on the truth. The sexual sins destroy you. They dont send you to hell or make me hate you. I feel sorry for you.

      • Mamao

        What are you blubbering about? Jessica said nothing about your comment. When someone says they are “born this way” it doesn’t mean it’s in their DNA. Just like, you may have been born a bitch, but it’s not in your DNA. Why are you even on this blog? If you didn’t agree, you could have simply left and you wouldn’t have had another thought on it. But you keep coming back. The whole point on the post was to accept people for who they are, don’t be a dick. I feel sorry for you since there are a lot of great people you won’t get to know because of your prejudice.

        • Sonda Silva

          Gee…you need to talk to someone about your anger issue. Far be it for someone to disagree. FYI I love her posts generally even though I don’t always agree, she makes good points and makes me think. This topic is one that truly bothers me because this “bitch” would like to teach my child tolerance meted with morality. Get over yourself.

      • renegademama

        Hey Sonda. It’s not all about you. At all. Your ego is getting a little puffed up. I think that’s a sin?!

        No seriously. We all understand. You’re the Christian who thinks the gays are going to hell but somehow you’re raising nice, tolerant kids.
        You’ve said it. Repeatedly.
        Now you’re kinda just boring.


        • Miss Mae

          Yes! Finally someone said what I’ve been thinking as I read all the comments. boring. If you didn’t totally disregard scientific evidence and fucking common sense you would see that you don’t choose to be gay or bisexual, or transgender. But that’s what people do when they don’t want to grow, to understand that you do not know everything. It’s been done before. It’s called willful ignorance. And it is fucking boring, insulting to human intelligence, and hurtful…hurtful most of all. Your hurting the entire human race when you don’t think. You just talk and the words stick. In your children’s minds especially. I can tell you that I was a homophobe (though I thought I wasn’t. My family taught me “hate the sin. Not the sinner. But I know now that is not love. It was a green flag saying I’m better than them. They’re actions are sinful and disgusting and it makes me cringe when I see them kiss.)I was raised by a good Christian family, I went to Sunday service and actively attended youth group on Wednesdays without having anyone say I should. I went because I loved it. I wanted to be there. One day I had a openly gay boy come sit by me during one lunch period (he wasn’t my friend and because I’m artsy he assumed I was not homophobic) and he told me that he didn’t understand why people cared about his dating life. It’s not like it effects them at all. He couldn’t hold his boyfriends hand or give him a kiss goodbye at a concert he went to last night because it was dangerous. And that my friend (because I hope you can learn to be one) is why I am whole heartedly supportive of the LGBT community. That tiny glimpse was all it took to break down a wall I had built for years. That’s called acceptance. And I felt humiliated that I blindly followed the words of my family and church who had not once put themselves in this boy’s shoes and called themselves loving. I hope you look back and are ashamed of the way you have acted and of the things you posted here. And I sincerely doubt that any of your acclaimed gay friends would call you their friend.

          • Michelle

            I had a social studies class in high school and we each needed to do an independent project and present it to the class. I can’t even remember what I talked about but one girl, who was a huge homophobe (no spell check, I don’t mean homophone), decided she was going to talk about being gay. Everyone, including me, was just waiting for the train wreck to happen. Then she got up and said that she had been planning on talking about how being gay was wrong but she had to do research and managed to talk to some kids (this was in the 80’s so I’m still floored that she managed that part). Basically she did a complete turn around on her viewpoint and became an ally.

            It is wonderful to see someone open their mind and their heart. Way to go!

  • ken

    I agree, I agree. But, the problem is that “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Low class, beer swilling, foul mouthed, slovenly dressed, tattooed, pierced, obese, immodest and atheistic parents raise children who are going to mostly turn out the same way. (Yes, I’m bigoted, but only to the improvement of society. Of course, that’s subjective isn’t it?) It’s not what a parent says that matters – it’s what the child sees in all factions of their life. So, it ain’t going away without a massive revolution – at least not in this life. I’m not sure there is a heaven, but if there is, there won’t be any Wal-Marts.

  • Geochick

    bravo! You have some balls and I love it. 🙂

  • Adri

    I was actually unfriended over this. For posting this on my Facebook. No words.

  • Sarah Fanelli

    rigid and outdated gender roles are crap. Love is not. Compassion is not. We are all human, we ALL die, isn’t that enough to have in common to be good to each other? Doesn’t that make us all f’ing equal? And no, I don’t want to go to a heaven filled with bigoty assholes. Hate and intolerance will not be the “legacy” I leave behind and the “gifts” I give my children.

  • j


  • Annie Jadin

    I just discovered your blog about a month ago and I think I’ve since read every one of your posts. I’ve only commented on one, though, and I said “HALLELUJAH” which I also want to leave as a comment on this post. I think I’m just going to say that on every one of your posts from now on. 🙂

    HALLELUJAH. Oh, also maybe “preach it, sister!”

  • Meghan

    Yes!!! I would love a forum with y’all!

  • Charlie

    This post and the following comments are an interesting example of the freedom of speech debate that has been fueled by the Charlie Hebdo massacre. The link below is a painfully accurate article that points out how most of us like to think we support freedom of speech and freedom of expression etc, but don’t. I encourage anyone here who has either thought or typed something along the lines of “shut up” to read it.

  • Alecia

    Homosexuality may be a sin, but guess what? So is telling a lie, cheating on a test, stealing, sleeping with someone who’s not your spouse… The Bible I’ve read says we’re ALL sinners. And God doesn’t rank one sin over another. So even if someone’s sexual orientation is wrong, that is between them and God and they are no better or worse than the rest of us. “Let he (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone.”

    • Daniel

      Just wondering, why do you think that Homosexuality is a sin? I mean all the other sins you listed make sense because they hurt other people. Lying, cheating, stealing, all can hurt those around you, but being in an consensual loving homosexual relationship does nothing other than spread love to those around you. Which, if I am not mistaken, was sort of the whole point Jesus was trying to get across.

  • Emily

    It’s just, you’re just… YES!! Love it. Thank you for writing this.

  • raymond roy

    Straight to the point…I love it..

    The problem i see is that assholes would never have enough insight to realize they themselves are assholes much less raising assholes since they were probabaly raised by assholes who encouraged the asshole culture and behavior.


  • Emily are on fire! This is so great

  • Andrea

    If we weren’t on opposite coasts, we’d totally hang out. You rock!

  • Nicky

    Yeah! Only it’s not just Americans and Christians perpetuating this crap. My three year old son’s otherwise gentle, kind grandfather said “ew YUK” when he excitedly/innocently showed him his coral toenails last week. This shit is just standard operating procedure in families up and down the country and I live in New Zealand where christains are the lunatic fringe and we’re generally heralded for our “tolerance”…

  • liz

    I love you. Seriously. I love you and everything you write, in the least creepy and most “I feel like you would be an awesome person to know in real life” way possible.

  • Steve

    Seriously? What’s next? ‘Muslims, please stop raising terrorists’? Way to sweep a nation into a giant bin.

  • Erin morse

    Just everything. It reminds me so much of Mary Jo Shively from Designing Women talking about providing condoms at her daughters school. She was also planning a funeral for a dear friend dying of AIDS. Her message was this…” No matter what I or you think about what my daughter or your son do, I just don’t think they should have to die for it.”

    So get on the bus or get out of the way…move , bitch, get out the way! Progress keeps coming, stop being dicks and deal!

  • Samantha

    I’m an American and I support this message .
    I think that’s how that works, seems to score loads of votes come election time anyway.
    But like Shannon up there in the thread, I too am from the Cincinnati area, I graduated from the same school Leelah Alcorn should have graduated . It’s a shame that as a nation, founded by the miscreants of countless other countries we can’t seem to accept that people are in fact different. In a multitude of ways. And I fail to see how that inherently makes them “wrong”. Sometimes people are just plain stupid… in my mind American will always be that one extra large pissed off kid with “retard” strength and a big stick, surrounded by normal happy children. If only cartoon sketches solved things.

  • jaana

    best blog post ever.

  • Jessica Karlinski

    I just don’t have the words to tell you how awesome this is. Love your writing and agree completely.

  • Kirsten

    Hells yeah to the conference! It doesn’t matter who we are and I’m not even asking for acceptance (yet). Just plain golden rule – treat others as you’d want to be treated. There was nothing about unless they don’t look or behave the way you/your society think is correct. C’mon people is it really that difficult?! As always, thanks for the passion Renegade…

  • Kristi

    Thank you! This is so spot on! I think I might be in love with you for writing this and totally want forums AND a conference!!!

  • Corissa

    I discovered this post as I was perusing the web for some much-needed parenting inspiration. Thank you for every word you wrote. As a lesbian raising a 3 year old daughter, I fear for what ignorance my child will encounter as the child of a lesbian couple. She’s already witnessed too much as even a mundane trip to the grocery store can turn into a stare and whisper fest. God bless you, really. I wish all parents thought as you do on this matter.

  • Liz Henry

    I’m reading this and all I keep thinking is Jesus was a traveling gay bar.

    Water to wine: check.
    All male party: check.
    Woman beard: check
    Un-married: check.
    Glammed out with flowing robes and hair: check (He’s practically the Wen guy.)

    The hardcore Christian Right version of Jesus is almost too gay to function.

    • Richard Spadoni

      You are simply demonstrating your ignorance of the Bible.
      Water to wine, Check. All male party. No way. His mother asked him to perform the miracle. And it was a wedding.

      Woman beard: I have no clue what you are referring to. Nobody knows what He looked like.
      Unmarried..maybe. But some scholars think he may have been married to Mary Magdalene. Not believed by the Christian community though.
      It was not unusual for a religious teacher to be unmarried.

      Glammed out with flowing robes and hair, again no evidence whatsoever except for paintings from the middle ages. And by the way, everyone wore robes back then, something I’m sure you are well aware of. In fact, most still do to this day. In a very hot environment, a loose robe allows for the flow of air to the body better than pants.

      Many of his disciples were women, including some from the upper echelons of Jewish society. One of them was actually the wife of King Herod’s chief servant. A very high position at that time.

      As usual, those who criticize the Bible don’t bother to actually study it, proving that they are simply ignorant and intellectually lazy, easily programmed by those far more intelligent than themselves.

  • Alexander Moon

    Excellent. Your perceptions of typical parents is flawless! It is most unfortunate that being an arsehole is all the rage, nowadays!!

  • Paul Rickard

    USA stands for Unlimited Source of Assholes

    • Alex

      Good one!! I agree wholeheartedly. Carry om

  • Richard Spadoni

    I have no problem with someone’s sexual orientation, or choice of gender identity. I DO have a problem with men and boys who think they are girls using a restroom where young girls go. I do have an issue with grown men pretending to be women ogling our daughters in the bathroom.
    I may be old fashioned, but if you have a use the men’s room. Period. No exceptions. If you get it removed, then you’re entitled to call yourself a woman, but not until.
    Of course, hermaphrodites are an exception obviously.

    I do have an issue with radical LBGT’s forcing their agenda on the rest of the country, dominating the media and trying to brainwash our children into thinking being male and straight is evil.

    You want equal rights, you have them. Laws have been changed. Most states have approved gay marriage. But that’s not enough for you. Nothing is ever enough. You have to use the legal system to force people who disagree with your lifestyle choice to kowtow to your needs.
    So what’s your next issue, huh? You’ve already taken over the service industry in this country. It’s practically impossible for a straight man to get a job as a waiter anymore. And if he somehow manages to get the job, the gays will make his life miserable.
    Just like radical feminism, the LGBT agenda is no longer about equality, if it ever actually was. It’s about turning the tables and gaining revenge on male straights.

    Freedom of speech? Forget it, if you’re not a supporter of the LGBT and progressive agenda. Caucasian straight’re the enemy. Come on, tell me I’m lying. You know full well that I’m not.
    It’s becoming dangerous on college campuses these days to be a causcasian straight male. They’re even trying to ban them from the campuses. I guarantee if the perpetrators of this travesty of American “justice” are looking to begin a second civil war, they will get their wish. But you should keep in mind that the lion’s share of the 200 million guns in America are held by people who oppose you.

    Attitudes sometimes take generations to change. You can’t force people with strong beliefs to accept something that to them is wrong. The law can make them treat you as equals, but you can’t expect attitudes to change overnight. And as long as the LGBT community uses heavy handed tactics to try and force change, people with just as forcefully oppose it.

    As for Jesus teaching people to love one another, you’d better read that book a little more closely. He was speaking to his disciples. By this they shall know that you are my followers, that you love one another as I have loved you. He did say pray for your enemy, but he made it clear that Christians do have enemies and not to be foolish when dealing with them. Love the sinner, hate the sin. But if the sinner is agressively attacking all the Christian holds dear, then he/she is well within his/her rights to defend themselves. He told his disciples to bring swords with them when they went out.

    By the way. Why is it always the Christians attacked by the LGBT community. Islam and Judaism also teach that homosexuality is an abomination. Why don’t you attack them as well? Instead, radical progressive feminists and LGBTs put on hijabs to show solidarity with a religion that would decapitate them before they could blink an eyelash. You are all fools, kowtowing to a force that you think will help you overthrow the present system, unaware that they are playing you like a cheap violin.

    And what exactly would you do if you were to eliminate all straight males? Who is going to defend you against North Korea or China or Iran or the worldwide Islamic Jihad? Here’s a clue. The Amazon society was a myth. It never existed. If you think a matriarchy supported by interior decorators is going to create a better system than the one we have now, you are seriously deluded. Thank God I’m 65 and won’t be around to see the cluster**** of a society you’re going to create. This post is probably a waste of time because the anti freedom of speech people with not publish it. Too bad, you really needed to hear some of this.

  • Trust me this is polite.

    Please the LGBT is the most cancerous group to ever cancer. And this is coming from someone who is part of it. Gays and trans people are not dying because of people. They are dying because they are emotionally fragile pussies. Because apparently it is oppressive to teach people to grow the fuck up.

    I am honestly sick of this group always being upset and in arms. Yet you fuckers couldn’t give less of a shit about the rights of LGBT in other countries. Nope fuck those LGBT muslims being raped, burned and stoned to death. No a faggot in America isn’t being called gender queer femme boy Is what the big outrage is about. Seriously wish the group would just fuck off. All you do is make us look like attention seeking melodramatic cunts. UH WE ARE LITERALLY DYING.

    No you fucking aren’t. The biggest fatality of the LGBT is suicide. And the reason for it, is because you are miserable cunts that can’t deal with the fact that life is harsh.

    Trans suicide is at 40% because they transition and then are miserable. Honest to god please stop posting this retarded shit. Or at the very least post. Saudia Arabia, Iraq, Syria, nigeria stop raising assholes. Because these fuckers kill LGBT in numbers significantly higher than Americans have in the last 10 years. But then you might be seen as racist and you fear the consequences. So not only are you full of shit you are also a coward to finish off with.

    • M.

      You are f’ing amazing.
      I don’t know you from Jack but everything you said was 100% dead on.
      Notice how no one came at your jugular? Cuz you killed them with FACTS.
      The world needs more people like you aka TRUTH TELLERS.
      Rock on.

      • renegademama

        LOL. Nobody came for their jugular because nobody cares about nonsense drivel.

  • bb joy

    Indeed, in the beginning I loved Americans,
    but dealing with them changed my mind.
    They are a lot of ass fuckers, I’m sorry to have to say that.
    But it is the truth.
    They are not worth talking about, please let them be what they are,
    nothing more than other peoples who, according to them, are nothing !!!

    • Atypical Yank

      I can understand your loathing of “Americans”posting. However, it implies that all Americans are the same. This is NOT fact. Just your bigoted opinion. be mindful, that there’s exceptions to every rule.

  • bb joy

    no, not all Americans are the same, that rule applies to all people on Earth, in fact, i believe there are good people, but i haven’t come across one,
    in my opinion, there are no human values anymore, only money is the king,
    and we kill for it, i really loved America, i thought they where great people,
    what a disapointment……………

  • Bella

    I am an American and I KNOW that most all of Americans are indeed assholes and are raising assholes. That is the most popular attitude in America – to be a bitch, titanium clit, asshole!!! I am so sick of these shitty Americans. I am old school and was reared with grace and manners and decorum. And Americans today are total shits!! I hate them all. I want to move away and give up US citizenship. And that is a lot because my ancestors came here in early 1600s! USA has fallen in the shit hole. I hate them!!! The children are ALL shits!!! Especially the teens and 20 and 30 somethings. SHITS!!!

    Thank you for the article, I am totally embarrassed in front of other countries.

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from The Cage of Christianity Leaves No Room For Divergence - Little Miss Lulu
    Saturday, 10 January, 2015

    […] Christian parents, I know you fully believe you’re doing what is right, but if your child is driven to self-harm or suicide, in part due to your words or actions, then you need to realize: you’ve fucked up. You don’t mean well. So do us all a favor, stop being assholes and parenting your children to death. […]

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