I want to be the man in the BBC video.

by renegademama

So, we need to talk about that viral video with the dude whose kids barged in while he was being interviewed. You remember. The yellow-shirted child who walked in owning the place, and then the baby in the walker who charged in after? Yeah, them.

I found it cute. Of course, the Super Concerned Citizens Brigade had some concerns about the way he gently pushed his kid away. Of course they did. Because one should always be excited about having their children around. They are precious gifts from god, even while working. Obviously.

(Nope.)

And of course the people wondering why we are “congratulating a man for doing what women do all the time.”

Hmmm. Okay.

I thought it was an amusing glimpse into the shared experience of trying to work from home with children who don’t give a fuck that you’re trying to work from home.

And then there was a parody video: “How a woman would have handled it.” And it was a woman picking up the toddler and giving her a bottle instead of trying to get rid of her, and then roasting chicken and ironing and putting out a bomb and helping her husband find a sock, etc. It was funny.

I mean, sort of, until I realized the video wasn’t really critiquing the process, and in fact, the woman joyfully states at the end: “Alright let’s find this sock then!”

The point of course was to highlight women as master multi-taskers who would have DONE IT ALL while being interviewed about international politics, and I fear I may be the only person on the planet who thinks this is utter bullshit.

Look, I love humor. And I’m only uptight on Sundays. I’m the funniest person I know (this is not true). But I felt a wave of repulsion when I saw that video.

I know the point was to “revere” women and point out our incredible ability to take care of all the things all the time and hold down careers. I get that. And yay us.

But truly, fuck that shit.

I want to be the man in that video.

No, I AM the man in that video. When I work, I don’t want my kids around. I don’t want them barging in. I don’t want to feed them a bottle while I do my job. And frankly, fuck you for expecting me to do so.

I don’t want to be the one grilling shrimp and changing a diaper while writing a book. Yes, I 100% EXPECT MY HUSBAND TO GET THE FUCKING TODDLER OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM SO I CAN WORK.

Sorry for yelling, but come on.

Roasting chicken, doing taxes, buying coconut oil, and planning parent-teacher conferences while working is to some extent the reality of my life, but mostly I accomplish “motherhood and career balance” by failing in rotating areas and lowering my motherfucking standards. I put out fires and focus on that which must be done right now.

Glorification of this “do it all” mode of being makes my stomach turn. I do a lot of things in a lot of areas, but I sure as hell don’t do them perfectly, joyfully, or with an attitude of “no problem. I got this honey.”

Why is it that women have accepted “juggle all the things” as our job? Why and how and when did we get it through our heads that we are even CAPABLE of such a thing (::whispers:: it’s the patriarchy)? We all know it’s impossible, and yet we celebrate it.

It has become a mark of accomplishment for “women,” an intrinsic aspect of our identities, a badge we wear with apparent honor.

I’m a writer. I have a major deadline coming up in five weeks. For the past three weeks, one of my children or I have been sick in rotating cycles of hell that have reduced my already scant 20-hours a week of office time to 4-5 hours a week. To make up for it, I have worked evenings and entire weekends, which means I leave my family for two days at a time, missing activities and evening events and their faces. I have all but ceased grocery shopping and cooking. I missed a parent-teacher conference because I had the date wrong. I may or may not be returning phone calls.

Ultimately, I have to REMOVE myself from my family to pursue my career. It’s hard, and it stings. But is it worth it? Yes. That’s why I do it.

You know who picks up the slack? My husband.

Because that is what we do for each other because we are not superheroes we are humans. 

So please stop implying that my family can literally or figuratively join me in my workspace, or that if I were a better woman, I would bring the kid onto my lap rather than kick her the hell out of my office.

 

And the truly unfortunate thing here is that I have the “ideal” career for “balancing” motherhood and work. I work for myself, so I have “flexibility.” My husband works two hours away as an ironworker. He is not available during the days. If he doesn’t show up for work, he doesn’t get paid. I am grateful I can be here.

But even though I enjoy “ideal” conditions, this shit is still impossible. I cannot do it all. Ever. And I’m growing mighty tired of the idea that I can.

I know people will read this and say, “Hey genius if you wanted a career, why’d you have so many kids?”

And to you I say: That is an excellent question.

And I will answer it as soon as we start regularly asking men the same question: “Hey man, why did you have so many kids if you wanted a career?”

Most of us are working – men and women – BECAUSE WE NEED TO EAT. But only one of the genders is being asked why the fuck they aren’t getting the ironing done.

I’m kidding. Obviously nobody actually irons.

 

When I excel in one area, it is at the cost of another.

When I focus on one area, I have less focus to offer other areas.

This is logic. Excellent stuff.

I cannot do it all. I cannot balance it all. I cannot perform at stellar levels in every damn area of existence. And that’s cool.

I will pass on the incessant multi-tasking, thanks.

So yeah, get the fuck out of my room while I work, kids.

Mama loves you.

Bye.

 

more stuff I shouldn't have said out loud:

  • Aaron Kehler

    As a stay at home Dad: Thanks. You’re the best. That is all.

    • Jen

      Huh? I am supposed to feel sorry for someone here? As a 100% single mom of two children including a disabled child, I am blown away by the absolute lack of acknknowlegment for families who don’t look like yours (hello- there is not a husband to share the “burden” with)….. I AM actually doing it all (as MANY single moms do without complaint) — working full time (yet still under the poverty line) and raising two children …… I don’t really feel the need to complain about anything even though of course life is challenging at times (nor do I feel I deserve a big pat on the back for having the privielgee of parenting my kids (gross))……. But then I read blogs like this…. and the self righteous, totally detached attitude and I….am… completely….blown…away…. What — is raising kids supposed to be easy? Shall we all cry becasue we need to juggle more now that we have kids? Wtf is this?

      • Rachel Romano

        Wow. That chip on your shoulder must be so heavy.

      • Adria

        Wait what just happened here?
        I don’t think Janelle for a minute implied that raising kids, under ANY citcumstance, is easy. I’m a nursing student, with two kids, who knows EXACTLY what she is talking about in this blog post. And my husbands also picks up the slack, God love him. But it’s not easy. And I’m also 100% cognisant of the fact that he would get hit by a bus tomorrow and not be around anymore, on which case, things would have to be adjusted.
        So kudos for you for doing ALL BY YOURSELF, kudos to me for rocking nursing school and having help, and kudos to ALL THE MOMS AND DADS out there who are actually raising kids and not being total fucking losers.
        Parenting is hard. Some have it harder than others. No one gets cookies or medals. Or even thanks you’s most of the damn time. So everyone just settle down.
        I’m going to go back to currently NOT reading my text book because the baby needs my total undivided attention because I gave my husband the afternoon “off” to go and try to make our family some money. I hope I don’t fail my test, but then, everything’s a trade off. *pats herself on back*

      • renegademama

        Jen = “I don’t deserve a pat on the back.” ::writes an entire comment congratulating herself.::

        I LOVE PEOPLE.

      • Emily

        Jen,

        It sounds like you need a xanax, a bottle of wine, and a nap, since you complete missed the whole point of this blog post. IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO RAISE CHILDREN.

        This post was about how society has unequal expectations on capabilities based on gender. In simpler terms, our society is extremely sexist.

        I’m also a single mother, so I know the struggle very well. Here is a shocker for you, men being expected to do anything with children and their upbringing other than ejaculating is something relatively new.

        WE HAVE ALWAYS DONE EVERYTHING. Together. Women used to band together to make the struggle easier. Without recognition or demanding equality we have always done what needs to be done to take care of our children, however that looks like.

        Have a great day,

        Emily

      • Angie

        Sorry to break it to you but your atrocious spelling here indicates that you are not, in fact, doing it all. I’m blown away that you somehow think a personal blog, written by a mother that has a family unlike yours, somehow owes you (or anyone else in a slightly different family structure) acknowledgement. I’m pregnant right now with my first child, how dare you as a single mom, not acknowledge those just beginning the parenting journey!! Last note, you apparently haven’t been clued in to the purpose of blogs. They don’t actually exist to validate YOU or your lifestyle. The AUTHOR of the blog is allowed to talk about whatever they want, without your permission, on any range of topics without having to acknowledge the plethora of other family structures, opinions, and bullshit ideas of others. No where in here is she complaining about anything, she is writing her opinion about a trend in social norms and expectations of parenting. If you’d like a gold star for ALL your work as a single mother you might want to visit sanctimommy.com for further validation of your life. Or, you know, just get the fuck over yourself and stop spewing your bitterness about your life all over everyone else like you deserve some kind of prize.

        Janelle’s comment, btw, so accurate. Please don’t break your own arm, Jen, while you continue to pat yourself on the back.

        • Sue

          To: Angie and Janelle: You are so right about this. I mean we ALL have our life struggles and nobody wants to hear how much harder someone else has had it than anyone else here…. And it is especially uncool to hijack someone Else’s blog. I mean write your OWN blog if you have something like that to say…
          And as far as being a single Mom, I was too, BFD!!
          So, Jen put on your big girl panties and grow up. Everybody has shit in their life.

  • DoingItAll&Can'tDoShit

    Preach. A-to-the-Fucking-Men. Hugs & kid-sized cattle prods— xox

  • Melanie Murrish

    Well that was a wake up call. I think I’ll print this out and stick it on the fridge….or on a t-shirt. Cheers for making me see the error of my ways.

  • Aaron Russell

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you for expressing this sentiment so well. Everyone, by everyone I mean mostly women, were sharing the second version and laughing and saying, yeah women we do it all!, and I was like hell no! But didn’t have the words to explain it. So thanks!

    • Lisa Chavez

      My sentiments exactly.

  • Robbyn nilmdts

    AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID Amen.
    If you believe in that–the rest nod their heads in complete agreement and possibly whisper “that’s about fucking right! “

  • Rachel

    The truth of the matter is that the Mum was the one who couldn’t keep her ducks in a row, took her eyes of the munchkins for a split second (or several) and allowed the invasion of Dad’s office to occur… so the video debunked the myth of ‘super mum’ all by itself.

    • Joanne

      I was reading some of the Facebook comments and someone pointed out that she seemed to be holding her pants up when she raced in to drag the kids out so she was probably in the bathroom. Another person said (without even a hint of sarcasm) “She didn’t take her kids into the bathroom WITH her?! What did she expect?!”

  • Debbie

    I think that children need to learn that they cannot always have a parent’s attention when they want it. In the real world no one is going to drop what they are doing every time a child wants something, it is not appropriate for children to be involved in everything an adult does and children need to learn that parents have rights and needs too.

    And I absolutely agree that we cannot excel at every aspect of our lives at one time. I too find that when I am focussing in one or two areas of my life, other areas slide, because my time and energy are finite.

    • Kerry

      I totally agree with you. It’s important that kids not think they can demand a parent’s attention at a whim. They need to have respect for you and your time too. It’s easy to feel guilty when you tell a child “not now” but if you get your stuff done in peace you’ll have more time for them. Then, when it’s their turn, they get a more focused and calm parent.

      • Sue

        AND Yayyyyyyy, Kerry~!!

    • Sue

      YAYYYYY, Debbie!!!

  • Karen

    Uhhhhhhnnnnn – you nailed it. As usual. I love your blog so much and this post was right up there as a favorite.

  • Joy

    THANK YOU!

  • Sharon

    Both videos present the problem of “child-free” work lives, when in reality sometimes kids are the most amazing inspiration. I wish my work was more kid-friendly, not that I could isolate myself more. And yeah, my house isn’t spotless. EVER. In the first video, we see male-work privilege. In the second, we have a man constantly remarking how the woman “looks busy” so her response is over ridden by her “mother” tasks. Do we even remember what she says? The problem is that “motherhood” is so secret, that no-one except other mothers will know how to pay attention while a small (and/or large) human being is butting in. Some alternatives: 1) train our kids to work patiently beside us while we work (or sitting on our knees); 2) introduce the world to these creatures so they are not so surprising when they appear during “work” episodes; 3) YOU ARE SO FUCKING RIGHT–we are just humans, we don’t need to run for neighbourhood prez while baking for church, caring for eight children and making sure our husbands get to work in one piece. Let’s reclaim some sanity but also rethink the lines drawn in the sand.

  • Anne

    THANK YOU. I wanted to like that video but cringed for all the same reasons. Fuck the patriarchy.

  • Sue

    I am old school. Kids have to stay the hell out of the room when grownups are Working, Talking to each other, having planning moments, just wanting to be alone for a few minutes. Basically, Kids need to be seen (maybe) and not heard. Don’t get me wrong we have to spend time with our kids, teach them things, take care of them, feed and dress them, but COME ON, we do Not have to be surgically attached to them 24/7 to do what we need to do for them.
    “I’m on the phone”, means “Shut up and wait your turn”.
    “I’m in the shower”, means “WAIT or go see Daddy”. Give me a break.
    Pet peeve: talking to someone who is Constantly interrupted by a child (no the house isn’t on fire and the dog didn’t get hit by a car, the kid just can’t stand to NOT be the center of attention). OK That’s all I’m saying for now… I know you all know this feeling… THANKS Janell for writing what we all THINK (and sometimes ALSO say out loud)… hahaha I love this place~~~.

    • Jennifer

      And I am from that same Old School. It’s how I was raised not to be an asshole and it’s how I raised my kids not to be assholes. I do NOT have to share every space, time and moment with anyone – neither do they.

      • Sue

        Jennifer: Hey Hunny~ You are a woman after my own heart…So glad I am not the only one…I know at least ONE generation of us was raised this way, and I tried to raise my Daughter this way, so I am glad to find another Old School NON-Asshole here… haha I love this place~~~

  • Cristina

    Halleloo! Preach! I work at home and yes to allllll of this. And seriously, who irons?

  • Caris

    I so love your truth!
    I’m learning to de-multitask, (similar to de-facebooking) and concentrate on just being present…. the joys of post parenting Janelle:) I need therapy to learn how to set boundaries after selfless mothering for years. “Being so strong” for years. Yay for simply being.

  • Scottiev

    Virginia Slims lied! I’ve said this for years…THANK YOU for saying it better, I couldn’t agree more.

  • Joelle

    Looking at the comments, I am the only who feels this way. Normally you are the one telling people to relax and fuck off because you are just being funny. The mother video was funny, not realistic, obviously.
    We all make sacrifices if we want to have both a career and kids. No, men don’t make the same sacrifices as us. That’s why the video is funny.

  • Molly

    Yes!

  • Sue

    To Joelle: Yeah I did think the video of the mom was funny, I just got off on a rant because the kids running in the room in BOTH videos pushed my buttons… SORRY~~~ Anyway, I love coming here because we can all blow off steam, and even if we don’t write anything we can feel vindicated by what Janelle writes, right?? MANY THANKS TO JANELLE, our “Revered Leader”…

  • Ashley

    I struggle with this constantly! Except nobody is really here to pick up my slack (single mom, here) which always makes me question how I got myself into this situation, to begin with, and since I did… I should iron, cook dinner, find socks, and walk the dogs while I attempt to work. LOL… slightly kidding. It really is a struggle!

    • Sue

      Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh Ashley, You are doin’ great if you remember Who you Are and then if you manage to get Any work done at all you qualify as Superwoman… Ironing? That’s what your dryer is for. Cooking? That’s what fast food places are for.b FINDING SOCKS?? Hah! Let ’em go barefoot….
      Ease up on yourself, Girl…

  • Melissa

    Truth!

  • Rose

    Yes Love this. Live this! Thanks.

  • Sarelle McCoard

    I love this. You are a rockstar.

  • Rachel Romano

    I so wish that you were my next-door neighbor! Have probably said this before, but I just love your writing. If you ever write a book I will buy the hard cover, which I never do 🙂

  • Peggy

    God love ya. Well said.

  • Rima

    Totally agree with you on the over expectation on woman and their work-life balance.
    However I would have viewed the parody video differently – that a woman’s brain allow for multi tasking more than a man. I read it in few places that woman truly can multi-task without being distracted from the main task at hand. Not sure how true that is but in my life I have observed all the woman capable of not being single track or pigeon hole-d into one task while forgetting other things. Like I can be doing homework with my son while remembering that something is in the oven. My husband not so much! If there is something on the cooktop, he has to stare at the pot till its done cooking, else he will forget while in the midst of another task. So I viewed the video as showing that ability but of course thats my perception.
    Not sure if you read about the interview on the man and his family in the video, but he accepted blame for not locking the door. Also he had asked his wife to video his interview on her phone. She was busy doing that when the kids walked out knowing that its their dad they were just seeing on tv. Pretty funny and cute.

    • Kerry

      I’m a mom but unfortunately missed the multi-tasking gene. Or maybe it’s fortunate. Anyway, I will totally burn things if I get distracted by another person, or a pet, or I just wander into the next room and the tv is on. After baby #2 I pretty much reduced life to what has to be done in that exact moment. It’s so bad that if I’m forced to pay attention to 2 separate things I get supremely irritated. Thankfully at age 40 I can laugh it off and go on my merry (discombobulated) way.

    • Heather

      Much of “women’s work” can be multi-tasked because it is pure drudgery. But any task that requires creativity requires one’s full attention, male or female.

  • Cheryl Montgomery

    My husband is a stay-at-home dad and I work full time. There are times during the year when I have to work overtime. I feel guilty being gone on the weekends to get work done and I always feel guilty for liking my job. Like I should be sad and missing them or something. The fact is that my first day back from maternity leave, I didn’t think about my newborn son once. I was able to separate it. But I questioned myself the whole time…am I normal? Is this bad? And I only have the one kid!

    I totally totally hear you and agree with you. I often wonder if the working men in my company feel as guilty about overtime and working as I do, especially the ones that have stay-at-home spouses. I doubt it. It’s just something I struggle with so it is a delight and affirming to see it in print. Thank you.

  • Melissa

    I completely agree!! I am a full-time working mom and at times, I have the privilege of working from home when it is convenient for my family. BUT, most companies, industries, etc do NOT allow you to take care of your children while you are working from home. For me, I work for the federal government, every time I work from home, I am reminded that I am not to care for my child while working unless I take the appropriate leave in order to do so.

  • Lisa

    Yes. thank you.

  • Nicole

    Thank you! I sooooo needed to read this. I have been trying to “do it all” for far to long and beating myself up for perpetually telling my daughter to, “Go play, sweetie.” Mommy is trying desperately to get some work done so we can all eat and you can have toys. – My husband and I own our own business. His PAID work occurs outside the home, mine occurs inside it. We both also work or asses off doing all the unpaid work that is raising a child and keeping a household running.

    Somehow I am the only one who needs therapy though…

    SO, THANK YOU!!! I’m bookmarking this and reading it daily until it sinks in.

  • Abigail

    Here here. Anyone, man or woman would of tried to get the child out or pretend it’s not happening because it’s not your regular meeting it’s a live interview on BBC for goodness sake. So don’t know why anyone else is pretending otherwise.
    Great reading. Tired of trying to be superwoman and reading this has helped me to think to not feel guilty about it!

  • Ellen

    I fucking love you, Janelle.

  • Cassandra Thompson

    Am I the only person who watched that parody video (funny) and thought it was trying to show that we *expect* women to be able to handle it in this way… Not that a women would, just that these are our expectations.

    If this had happened to a woman (the original BBC video) would it have gone viral – because we just expect a women to handle it – whether she is better than a man or not.

    ….Having said that, I agree, the sock bit at the end did make me wonder whether this awesome bit of parody commentary was not exactly as it seemed. Delete the sock bit and brilliant.

  • Pascale

    Right on, sister! (OK, I’m not your sister, but you know what I mean).

  • Lara

    I know what you mean about the second video. Though I also had the urge to roll my eyes when I saw the first one, because the guy had the deer-in-the-headlights look of someone who never has to talk over the kids to make his point, because he’s never had “working playdates” at the park to avoid paying a sitter. And even more, the BBC guy at the other end, who couldn’t just ignore the kids, who were not in fact even saying anything. I mean, come on–that should not not qualify as a “distraction” yet. My version of the follow-up video would show the woman expert continuing to talk while the kids blew up things and got in her face yelling “Mommy Mommy Mommy!” and only stopping once a kid had actually grabbed her jaws.

  • Lisa J

    Word.

  • Penny Driver

    I thought the second video was funny precisely because it showed up this multi-tasking women-doing -it -all tripe for the patriarchal horse-shit it is.It didn’t occur to me to think we were supposed to think it was admirable that women behave like this.I’m a working single mum so ,yeah,I do it all, but not because I think that’s a good thing.Your blog rocks big time,by the way

  • Jackie

    I usually just creep on here – but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! It’s so true, and we (women) are often completely blind to the fact that while we feel WE need to be super heroes and have everything under control at all time and wear all the heats with perfection, these same standards are not applied to the men in our lives. (Not to the extent it is to women – the closest we get is shaming fathers who sire a child and then have absolutely NOTHING to do with that child’s life.)

    So thank you for saying in much better words (and with a much better placement of colorful emphasis!) exactly what many of us already know, or need to know, about this “perfect mom” syndrome.

  • Ange

    Hi Janelle. I’ve been reading your work for a while. I get so much out of 1) your writing, 2) the community of people on this blog. I love your work and it resonates for me on so many levels…this post especially because it is an issue close to my heart.

    I work at a stressful, demanding job and I (mostly) love what I do. In my teens, I became a caregiver to my mother after she suffered a stroke and after my dad left. I was never quite sure about becoming a mother myself until it happened by surprise in my early 30s. I always knew that when I had kids it would have to be with a partner who felt that it was as much his job as mine to raise them, and I have found that. We have two girls, and we both work full time, juggling child care with our irregular hours. I also study part time and I’m mostly just trying to survive this season of my life. But I am passionate about my work so forging ahead is necessary for me. I need to work to feel at my healthiest mentally. Many of my girlfriends and acquaintances young and old alike often make comments to the effect of how “lucky” I am to have a partner who is so involved with our children because he does their hair, makes lunches, takes them to lessons or sports practices, thinks up fun crafts and is generally an awesome dad. While part of me agrees, I also bristle at that because I don’t think anyone has ever told him that he is lucky to have partner who helps raise his kids, despite the many sacrifices I have also made (and we all make), you know? I am a total introvert but I have made it my life mission going forward to challenge my own assumptions about gender and rebel against the pressures I feel as a woman and as a mom to follow the societal scripts that we’re expected to swallow without question. I read this book recently and I found it thought-provoking:

    http://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/557086/dear-ijeawele-or-a-feminist-manifesto-in-fifteen-suggestions-by-chimamanda-ngozi-adichie/9781524733131/

    Here’s to challenging sexist narratives, to telling the ever-present parental guilt to fuck off, and to pursuing our passions, whatever they may be. Our kids are watching us :).

  • Shannon

    I want to add, that I am a stay at home mom full time and I still don’t have my shit together. My husband

  • Shannon

    lets try this again,

    I want to add, that I am a full time stay at home mom and I still don’t have my shit together. My husband travels for work and his schedule is all over the place, sometimes he is not home much for weeks, sometimes he is home for week to two straight, it just all depends. I did try to do it all for a while and it was nuts. I am perfectly happy admitting that I can do it all… and you know what? I don’t want to do it all.

  • Heather

    A friend just shared this post with me and I absolutely love it. That parody video bothered me too, not just because of the supermom imagery but also because I felt it was an unfair cheap shot to so many men who are also trying to balance home and work lives. Can’t we just stop the dad-shaming as well?

  • Emily

    My feelings exactly. I work full-time and am a full-time grad student, with two preschoolers. Other moms could handle it all with much more grace and organization. But I don’t see them offering, so, as the currently most qualified applicant, I’m doing the job me-style. And since I already have at least three jobs (as listed above), I don’t really have time to take on another one in which I care how well someone else could do them. There are plenty of people who could do my actual, salaried, go-to-an-office-every-day job better than I could, but there are people who could do it worse, too, and neither of those things matters because I’m the one they fucking hired.

    There are days that I don’t see my kids more than 5 minutes, and occasionally even days I don’t see them at all. That makes me sad because I love my kids and I like them as people with whom I want to spend time. It doesn’t make me sad or guilty over what I should be doing differently. It puts a huge burden on my husband and I sympathize with that. I try to take care of him in ways that help him manage that burden. I’ll be glad when I’ve got my degree and we can share it more, and when I can spend more time with my kids in the evenings. But just because I can’t do it better… what’s better? Our society doesn’t run on the principle of everything being done by the person who does it best, or else most of us wouldn’t have jobs or kids or degrees because most of us aren’t the best or even close to the best at pretty much anything. So call me when you’ve found me a field to grow my fucks in, because right now I don’t have one. Looks like this year’s harvest is going to be pretty goddamn sparse.

  • kristine

    Thank you for articulating something beautiful, amazing, brutal and true for so many of us. You are so fucking courageous. Thank you!