It took a while to figure out, but I’ve finally determined that yes, for sure I have a kid I used to judge other people for having.
I used to look at people with their insane toddler hell-bent on standing in the shopping cart or running through the center of the mall and I’d be like “Well now, look at that little specimen of humanity” and then I’d look down at my own toddler, sitting quietly in her stroller gazing at shit with age-appropriate curiosity (reflecting profound intelligence and insight, obviously) and I’d be all “I’m so glad my excellent parenting has produced such a solid toddler as opposed to that person’s shithead kid.”
The other day, as we walked through the mall, I looked back and saw my husband carrying Georgia sideways and upside down as she flailed.
He asked me: “Do you have her other shoe?”
Yep. That’s me.
I now have the kid who’s plotting her escape at every fucking moment, occasionally finding success and running full speed, gleefully, into the wild blue yonder while I attempt to run behind her, which is a sight, I assure you, you’d rather not experience.
Actually, at this point, I’m so over it I usually just send one of the older kids after her, which makes me an even MORE SHITTY parent as I stand there watching my insane toddler bolt across public areas while calmly telling my 8-year-old “Dude. Go get her.” Then I watch with a mixture of resigned amusement and vague depression as he darts through the crowd and grabs the youngest one’s shirt, or pants, which may or may not result in her hitting the ground laughing hysterically, or bawling and screaming.
One can never be sure.
If you don’t buckle the carseat fast enough, she will launch herself across the car and into the back seat while giggling. She may get back into her carseat, IF you’re going someplace interesting to her (“When you get in the carseat we can go to the park!”).
But then again, she might NOT. There’s a good chance she’ll just run to the opposite end of the car no matter where you go to grab her, like the bad kid in Chevy Chase movies. And then you’ll just be the asshole yelling nondescript threats and wondering what the point of children really is. You know, when it’s all said and done.
Yesterday she squealed “Super Georgie!” and bolted through legs of the people standing in line of a restaurant. But that was kind of my fault, because I brought up the whole “super Georgie” thing to my mom and inspired her.
Silly me.
I have the toddler who won’t stop squirming down the bench seat in the restaurant (to say “hello” to the people at the next table – duh), but when you put her in the high chair she repeatedly pushes off the table to shove herself backwards and occasionally removes half-chewed food from her mouth.
Why? Because toddlers are fucking insane.
Later, when you go shopping, she’ll GRAB EVERY FUCKING THING SHE CAN REACH OFF THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHELVES.
And she’ll stand in the shopping cart. Or try, repeatedly. She’ll grab shit out of the back of the cart and throw it.
She’ll scream “I HAVE A PENIS!” as loud as she can, which is mostly just annoying because of the volume, though the content could also be improved.
Or, my other favorite: “Santa is POOPY! You’re POOPY! I’m POOPY!”
That was yesterday, in Michael’s. We keep it classy.
Spilling things, mixing things, throwing things, constantly. Huge, huge messes. Messes you didn’t know were possible. In the refrigerator. “I’ll do it myself!” All the toys from the bedroom in the bathtub. Strange liquid mixtures all over the counter. Stickers. Everywhere. Pen marks on every wooden toy. Climbing. Jumping. Flailing. Lying down in parking lots, randomly.
It never, ever ends.
Maybe this is a result of deficient parenting. But IF this is a result of deficient parenting, WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T MY FIRST TWO KIDS ACT LIKE THIS?
Nope. This is just her.
Or maybe it’s that once you have more than two, the little hoodlums outnumber you and the older ones CRACK THE FUCK UP every time the smallest one screams “penis!” or “poop!” or flings herself sideways across dinner tables or throws her shoes and socks off while riding in the cart in Costco.
And you’re like “Stop laughing!” and trying to put your motherly foot down but for real it does nothing because there’s THREE of them. The energy of your voice is like a kitten walking against a tornado. Sorry. That was a little morbid.
The kitten’s fine.
A couple days ago Rocket was lying on the floor and Georgia literally did a cannonball off the couch onto his stomach. It was awful. Not funny. INSANE.
Where does she get this shit?
Maybe I’ve done something wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe it’s just her. Maybe it’s a perfect storm of factors resulting in this gorgeous, crazy kid.
But whatever it is, I’d like to offer an enormous, heartfelt “FUCK YOU” to the old me, to the mom who walks by and sees me kind of sucking ass with this child, trying my hardest to rein her in when all the forces of life are against me.
And I’d like to explain to that mom, the one standing there with her perfect toddler or two, that if she has enough kids, her day may come too, when suddenly SHE’S the one in Michael’s picking shit up in the aisles with a toddler squealing at a stranger perusing the aisles: “Those are OUR BUTTONS! Don’t take OUR BUTTONS!”
And I’d like to explain something else, that the kid you see throwing herself out of the cart is also the one who runs into my room each morning and yells (after removing her clothes): “Do you want to cuggle (cuddle?). I ALWAYS love to cuggle!”
And she’s the one who had a big boy monster truck birthday party. She’s the one who hears a song in Old Navy and says “I gotta dance!” Then gets down and dances in front of the mirror. She’s the one who sat on an old man’s lap for a few minutes and gave me one of the most beautiful moments of my life.
She’s the one who seems to fill just about every square inch of the lives of those who know her with a joy that’s hard to explain. You can kind of see it in her eyes. In her sly smile, in the way she walks. A certain determination to live, to be what and who she is, as “irritating” as it may seem to the rest of the world. And to me.
I’m very serious when it comes to manners, and I am decidedly not one of those parents who’s all “Oh look at my kid acting like a shithead! Isn’t it cute?”
It’s not cute. I don’t think it’s cute. You don’t think it’s cute. NOBODY THINKS THIS SHIT’S CUTE.
I don’t let her get away with poor manners and insanity. It’s just that she ALWAYS TRYING NEW METHODS OF CRAZY, which means my life with her is often a serious of averting disaster and attempting to correct the last disaster. Sometimes my mothering of this child is reduced to just trying to get through whatever task is at hand: a trip to the grocery store, dinner, the car ride.
If you don’t understand what I’m saying, just have a couple more kids.
If you’re lucky, you may get one like this…the best worst kid in the world.
And you’ll learn the only cure for horrible judgmental douchebaggery is to become one of the assholes you used to judge.
So thanks for that, Georgie, I owe you one.
Laurel
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 13:31I have just one, and you just described her perfectly. I still get some perverse pleasure from watching parents deal with a “willful” (hahahaha!) child after having had an easy child. Because that day in Target when Grace ate a bunch of dried cherries out of her snack trap and then crammed her whole hand down her throat until she puked them all over the place? That shit lingers. But so does the time she said, “Isn’t it FABULOUS?” to the check-out person who complimented her on her new coat.
Stephanie
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 13:43We have one of those. We call her Maggie.
Linda
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 13:49Thank you! This article had me giggling(sorry). I got my adventure seeker first. He’s quick and he smart and very very resourceful for a boy who just tuned 2 this month. He can get in or out of almost anything. He should be a tester at a child proofing facility. He also has amazing manners says please, thank you, help, loves snuggling and knows the exact perfect time for a hug or a snuggle. I’m absolutely in love with him but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to rip my hair out every time he standing on the back of the couch batting the picture frames around because its fun. So thank you for sharing that you also have an adventure seeker. Personally I think they are going to do amazing things with their lives. They are the ones who can always find a way “out of the box”.
Elle
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 13:52I think it can happen with your first. The other day at a hardware store my toddler daughter and I were aimlessly following Daddy while stopping to look at, touch, grab and reorganize whatever was on the closest shelf… Pretty normal errand behavior for us… When a passing stranger smiled at me and said “I had one of those.” “One of what?” I asked. “A spirited one.” I smiled politely and quipped “They’re not all like this?” Her reply, “Oh no, dear! They’re not all like that.” That was news to me!
renegademama
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 22:19Okay so clearly my “multiple kid theory” was DEAD WRONG. So many comments are cracking me up, “Um, yeah. NOT about birth order.”
Oops. It was just a theory. Ha!
Renee'
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 13:56I have a grandson who you just described to a “T”. And I laugh and laugh about it. His mother was acted the same as Georgia does and I figure God is just paying my daughter back for all the shit that she put me through. I love it!!!
renegademama
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 22:21I think that may be what’s happening with me, only i was a shithead when a teenager. apparently I was a great baby/toddler.
so maybe i’m getting it early and my teenagers will be ANGELS?!
yeah. probably not.
lisainnz
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 14:00I hear you!!! I had two children who weren’t perfect, but were very law abiding and manageable. I was luckily not too smug about this being down to me!! My husband’s older children were hell on wheels when they were younger and their parents were perfectly reasonable and capable people, so I was pretty sure that it was all about the personalities of the kids.
Then my (2nd) husband and I had TWINS. One is like mine, law abiding and fairly easy to manage. The other is like my bonus kids on steroids!!! He’s a Huck Finn kind of kid – totally out there, so far out of the box there is no box. He’s rough, sweet, engaging, annoying, energetic, stroppy, happy, affectionate, far too intelligent for his own good, and worst of all, a practical problem solver. “How do I get over the fence? I feel it is important to cut down this tree/ dig this hole/ deconstruct this item, now how do it do it?” This has made him a very tough toddler, 4, 5, 6 and 7 year old.
On the plus side, he is the child of mine most likely to be a billionaire. Or in jail. The jury is still out. But I thank my stars every day that I never took credit for my older childrens’ excellent behaviour!!
Stef
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 14:16We call ours “honeybadger”. She just don’t care!
MomofFour
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 14:57Oh, yes. We call her Alexandra. She is our #3 of 4. She is the one who flipped out after she was no longer the baby. We were called into the daycare office to discuss some disturbing behavior. As she is sitting quietly on my lap, I hear about how she was upset, and had to stay inside, and got more angry. So she did what any other natural tornado does: dropped her pants and underwear and shook her bare rear end at her teachers. Her poor, sweet teacher was mortified, as was I. But the image of my normally very shy child dropping everything and shaking it was too much. I spent the rest of the meeting counting the hair follicles on her head to prevent laughing hysterically.
p.s.- it doesn’t get more tame with age either. At least not by age 7. 😉
Trische
Saturday, 25 January, 2014 at 9:54We call mine The Marauder. It started before he could walk. He is also 3 of 4 – I wonder if there is something to that.
This description is him %100 – especially the part about how everyone loves him. That’s a factor I hadn’t really thought about but you are right. EVERYONE loves him, even me when I am not fantasizing about punching him in the face on his 18th birthday lol
auraxoxo
Wednesday, 15 October, 2014 at 17:01My 3 of 4 is Houdini. She learned how to unlock the front door WITH A KEY before she turned 2, disappeared from beneath the watchful eyes of 8 adults at the state fair and of twice that at a vacation condo during a family reunion. TERRIFYING.
She is however loved by everyone. Teachers think she is the sweetest little darling in the world. She seems to know someone everywhere we go and is hilarious mostly because she has this amazing confidence in herself that she definitely didn’t get from me.
jill (mrs chaos)
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:05Here’s the thing…holy shit, I love that kid. (Also, you. All of you.)
That’s all.
Shayla
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:12Ahhhh ha ha ha ha. I am so laughing my ass off. Not at you. I love your face. But because I HAVE ONE OF THOSE MOTHERING EFFING KIDS. They should get together and play. Wait, nevermind. Mine is too busy pulling her diaper off and trying to swim in the toilet. And also sticking her finger in her sister’s butt.
Does it help to know you aren’t the only one? No? Ok – you can slap me.
Your little darling is adorable as all get out though. Look at that naked lounge! People work hard for that skill.
XO
kim
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:14Word. I’m alone drinking a beer RIGHT NOW because of mine, praying the others will STAY ASLEEP. Stay strong, sister.
Emily
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:18My first is the exact clone of Ms. Georgia, as described above:) My little guy (who is 3) both mortifies me, as well as makes me laugh so hard, I almost pee my pants, on a daily basis. I grew up in a household where manners, following rules and having self control were expected. So let’s just say, I was one of those “jerk judgemental parents” before I had kids…now I just think about getting through the checkout at the supermarket somehow without my kid taking bites out of all of the kinder surprises (with the wrapper on) when my back is turned for 2 seconds while I pay – then delaying the line further when I have to forcibly remove the contents of his mouth while he tries to run for the hills….I think i’ve bought about $35 bucks worth of kinder surprises in the past 4 months…..
Elaina
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:19This sort of behavior has nothing to do with birth order. I have 3 boys ages 6, 4, and 15 months. They all are high energy, curious, effectively destructive, and all with the stamina of 1000 people combined! Oh the stories I have. Flooding my kitchen while ‘doing the dishes’ for me when they should have been asleep at 11 pm and I thought it was finally safe to take a shower. Washing my phone. Opening my child proofed front door to try to run into traffic. Covering themselves with permanent marker, etc, etc, etc. They all have very different personalities, but if they do not go run for at least 3 hours a day, I go insane! For years and years and years I felt like well-behaved kids who had the ability to keep their hands to themselves were mythical creatures on par with unicorns!
Jen
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:30This made my day! I also have the best worst kid. I also judged the shit out of parents with kids like mine, so am assuming it’s pay back. I only have one, but trying to do anything with him around is like trying to manage a herd of cats. I’m pretty sure, in his mind, every request from us is met with a silent CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. There are many reasons why we are not planning to have another, but one of them is “what if we find out he was the easy one?”
AJ Smith
Tuesday, 30 September, 2014 at 20:28Here here Sister! I say the same thing about our wild little bundle of joy (he’s 4! I just don’t have the energy to risk having another holy terror. Cuz like you said ( which I absolutely love) what if this is the easy one?!!!
Sarah
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 15:39I have one of these hell raisers too! He’s 16 now and we have a book full of stories of his craziness. I had to stop going to the park with him because he would take off or freak all the other parents out with his antics – I never knew if might find him on the roof of the house – for real. He is the LIGHT of this house – when we don’t want to kill him. He is the most loving, hysterically funny dare devil – he has friends all over Massachusetts at this point. I am a pre school teacher and each year we usually end up with one of these kids. I see the wild eyed parents dragging him/her into the classroom – clearly terrified we are going to kick their little darling out. I love sitting them down and assuring them we can handle their child – I tell them a little bit about mine (he did get kicked out of pre school – stupid me for picking that school)
What would this world be like without our spirited little wild ones????
Cherrie
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 16:46I only have one, and she’s just like this!! I was blessed right of he bat lol. I swear, I drive myself crazy thinking it’s me. I’m so worried I’m going to screw her up, or I’m not doing something. It’s quite an interesting life.
Erin D.
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 17:26This. is. my. kid. Can we please get all of our children together, just to see what happens? Pretty sure something would blow up.
Meagan
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 17:42Oh yes, this is my life…exactly.
Karalee
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 18:27Thank you for this. I literally am sitting here in my car waiting for my 8 year old to finish his guitar lesson, feeling sorry for myself because of a grocery store trip that sounds just like what you described. Glad to know there are others out there who want to slap the shit out of their former selves, I encountered a handful of “old me’s” tonight, all of whom I wanted to slap. But I was too busy picking up half eaten green beans along the aisle….
Jessica
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 18:30This is exactly like my first! She is one crazy child, the one that is throwing herself on the floor in the middle of target kicking and screaming while everyone stares, the one who invites herself over to the neighbors house by knocking on the door then darting inside as soon as they answer, the one who wakes up several times a night just to talk, the one who has to talk to every single person we ever see, the one who refuses to help clean up at school and runs away from her teacher to play on the playground longer, I could go on. But she also has a heart of gold and loves every one she ever meets. She loves to cuddle, sing, dance (even in the middle of a store). She has definitely put me in my place a few times for ever judging someone else’s wild child and a lot of days it takes everything in me not to break down and cry, but I LOVE that she is exactly who she is. However, I thought for sure I’d catch a break with my son but at 13 months he is starting to show me just how much like his big sister he can be!
Jessica
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 18:37Oh, I have a crazy, too. At least one. I have my suspicions about the other one, but it’s really too early to tell.
Oh, the awesome/horrible insanity that is She.
Marisa
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 18:57They are my favorite.
Kelly
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 19:14Oh I’ve got one of those, her name is Willow, shes 2. I’ve also got the 8 yr old who fetches her.
I feel like my mind is constantly being blown, in a “what the hell are you doing?!” kind of way.
toys in the turtle tank, shoes thrown out the door of the van. The giggling as she hides in the WAY back of the van where I can’t reach her. The “NO, I walk MYSELF” and then picking up ever damn shiny thing we walk past.
*sigh* Yea, I am right there with you, and then I’ve got a 5 yr old with severe ADHD, who cries at the hint that he did something wrong, but had no idea he was doing it.
Cath
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 19:28Haha! A friend of mine with twins once watched my older boy for a few minutes when we were out so I could attend to my younger for a bit. She said to me ‘You really have your hands full with him, don’t you.’
That was it, the moment when someone with bloody twins acknowledges how FUCKING CRAZY my son is, that I realized not all kids are like this.
I love it!!!
melissa
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 23:00This is the best story.
Tiffany
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 19:58I have two: Aaren and Lexie. Thanks for writing about what I can’t. 😉
Annemarie
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 21:06Seriously 6 kids and at least half did this to me. I am now 36 years old, half grey, 90% nuts, perpetually exhausted, and thoroughly amused at all times. My Grace is a ray of sunshine and a rain cloud with lightning all rolled into one.
Last week at church she bolted from the line at communion and giggled and squealed as she ran from me across the church. Curls bouncing and twinkling eyes. I ran to catch her and it was like trying to put shoes on an octopus.
good times
Dawn
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 21:12I have her Prince Charming. He is 2 1/2. The Riot Police will be coming for him when he is older. He is damn cute though. Did I mention he broke the very large front window – with his hand? (Because he was excited to see me.)
Person of Interest
Tuesday, 4 February, 2014 at 6:59Awwwwwww!!!! That’s so expensively sweet!!!!
Alyssa
Tuesday, 24 June, 2014 at 22:40I have two very well behaved girls (ages 7 years and 18months) then I have my crazy almost 6 year old son that was described perfectly in this article. He has put sharpies on the wall, a tub of butter on the dog, had a concussion from jumping out of a cart and hitting his head. I have tried everything including spanking. He LAUGHS at me when if I spank him and says ha ha that doesn’t hurt. I’ve realized that he is just like me. There’s no changing my stubborn, strong willed, absolutely insane little boy but I can teach him. He is the most kind hearted, sweetest most caring little soul. Who cares if he still a little crazy. Crazy changes the world!
chuck
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 21:56I probably shouldn’t comment because I have no children. But when I was a child and acted out I got a spanking. I’m not saying a beating but perhaps just a swat on the bottom to show who is boss. I must admit there were MANY times that I deserved it and needed it. I am 50+ years old and grew up to be a non violent and compassionate fellow. It didn’t “ruin” me. I truly think it made me a better person. I suggest this only as a last resort of course. Just sayin’
Ashley
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 15:37Yeah, no. Just, no.
Quincy
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 16:59That was a horrifying statement. You’re sickening.
Amber
Monday, 24 August, 2015 at 13:43Oh come on, Quincy. It’s not “sickening.” It might not be in line with what you would do, but don’t be so rude.
I did not find I spanked until I had a second, much more challenging, child 4 years after the first, it became very stressful, we were in the middle of losing our house during the recession, and this strong-willed 2nd born tested my every inch of resolve. Now, I don’t find he needs spankings, but it was the only thing that got his attention when he was melting down and being violent. He wouldn’t do time outs, but now he will so it’s not necessary to spank. I’m sorry, but I know some kids who weren’t spanked and their siblings who were (on very rare occasions) and the ones who were never spanked were also the ones who had a more challenging time in life or had run-ins with the law. We can’t be demeaning, rude, or insulting, but we have to show our kids there are rough consequences in life.
Adrienne
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 9:10I’m here to tell you that doesn’t work and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I have a 7yo and 3yo like this. I just avoid taking all of them out without an extra pair of hands.
Desiree
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 4:38NO. Hitting is not the answer. EVER. The mere fact that you think hitting is okay shows that you have been negatively affected by your experiences. In no other situation ON EARTH is it okay to hit except in the case of hitting children, our most vulnerable.
NO HITTING. NO HITTING. NO HITTING.
Dee
Friday, 6 December, 2013 at 10:30Chuck, with these kids, spankings wouldnt/dont work anyway. Yes I have spanked my older two and it worked when they were younger. I gave them 1 to 2 little swats on their bottoms. I have not had to spank them in years… one is almost 8 and the other is almost 12… very respectable, awesome grades, etc. Now my 4 year old is another story. He is the exact mirror image described in this blog. I questioned myself a lot over what I did different or wrong. I wouldnt trade him for the world, but boy does he try my patience and nerves 24/7!!! But he also brings great joy to my heart and smiles to my face.
Jenn
Friday, 6 December, 2013 at 23:05Chuck…I will not bash you for believing in spanking. I also believe in it as a last resort; however, I have one of those strong willed children that even spankings will not work.
jay
Friday, 23 May, 2014 at 8:21Don’t let others tell you how to feel. I got spanked. My husband got spanked. Our kids have before. Ppl have options with making their children listen, spanking is one and if they dont agree, that’s fine. But you’re no worse and they’re no better and the faster we all mind our own damn business the better. I have discovered in a hurry I don’t like children that act the way these in the article/comments have been described (I have two, they’re nothing like this – nor are they perfect either), so I avoid these other children like the plague. Their behavior crawls under my skin and drives me nuts, but that’s just me and again no one else’s concern.
Roxy
Wednesday, 2 July, 2014 at 8:32Never judge … That’s just unkind.
auraxoxo
Wednesday, 15 October, 2014 at 17:06My wild child has actually asked for a spanking because she’d rather get a couple of swats on the bottom and go back to being wild than have to sit still. I literally said ‘do you want a spanking or a time out?’ and she looked me right in the eyes and said ‘I choose spanking.’ She is made of steel. She’s had stitches three times and every time the doctor comments about how she tougher than most grown men he sees because she doesn’t cry. I’m about to cry about the three inch gash in her thigh and she’s just sitting there wanting them to hurry up so she can go home. Now that she’s older she’s mastered crying on command so you think you’ve gotten through to her only to find her laughing away 10 seconds after she leaves your sight.
ff
Monday, 7 December, 2015 at 7:03“who is boss” is not the message to be getting across. this is not a corporation. it’s a family. i’ll bet you are one of those guys who say “in my day we took any job we could get- kids now are entitled and blah blah” without having any understanding of inflation or the value of a deteriorating dollar.
Rose
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 23:19I have one of them too! I have two of them actually! I feel like that kitten in a tornado most days! x
Zara
Tuesday, 26 November, 2013 at 23:57We have a not even 2 year old boy version!! Also the 3rd child. Honestly, had he been first i probably would have been scared to have more! Kid is crazy! I blame being the youngest!
Al
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 0:36Oh Babe! I’m fairly sure I’ve started comments here before with ‘my middle kid first came home in a police car at 2’ – now he’s 15 and the hits just keep on coming! Most recently he’s been arrested for selling his brothers post-surgery pain killers and I am the worst mother in the world. Both of us are looking forward to his moving on from high school and dreading it at the same time because we will be frozen out on graduation night because he is ‘that’ kid…he has always been that kid, and the kids on either side of him are straight forward and easy, BUT he is my kid no matter what stunt he pulls next, and I think that’s the secret of our success (ha!) . That kid has jaded me big time, but I also know who he is warts and all, which is more than I can say for any other person I know 🙂
Tina
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 0:45Oh shit, I love this. I read your posts and i feel like you’re telling my story. My daughter was never an easy child, but she wasn’t one of those dare devils, she was always very careful and wouldn’t get into dangerous situations or behave like a lunatic in the supermarket. My son Ruben, who just turned 4, he’s that guy. Constantly doing stuff he shouldn’t be doing, constantly spilling, breaking, ripping stuff, being a noisy little shithead – but on the other hand he’s the most compassionate, cuddliest, funniest and coolest little guy I know. And he practices “his break dancing”. Every day. Sometimes to David Bowie or the Beatles. Which is pretty fucking awesome.
Martha
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 5:06I think it’s cute!!! Lol And she is awesome.
Mindy
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 5:27I have one if those! He’s called Kevin, and he’s my oldest. At seven, he’s still willing to have a throw down, kicking and screaming fit at Walmart, because they don’t have the right cereal. Or he can explain the mechanics of weather. Or he can want to snuggle and read for an entire day. As you said, best worst kid ever. I wish I could tell you outgrew it, but he didn’t. I’m convinced he’ll bee president or something one day.
Lisette
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 5:38This is hilarious! My brother was that kid (and he continued to embarrass me into adulthood too). God bless you. I can’t even imagine that right now. One day I’ll look back at my old asshole self too.
Chantal
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 6:36This sounds like my daughter, Penny. She’s CRAZY. Yesterday she ran two laps around Kohl’s giggling because she thought I was chasing her. That store is big, and she’s little.
Have you read the book “Raising your spirited child”? It’s helpful!
rebeccare
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 6:39This made me laugh and nod in agreement! I have 3 older wonderfully behaved, well mannered children. And then….I have my tiny terror. She is only 14 months old and already gives me a run for my money. I keep askig myself … Is it because I am older now (27 is so old and all) is it because I am worn out from all the. ACTIVITIES my older three are in. I make my oldest son (9) chase down the baby all the time. I tell him he is young and won’t break a hip haha. But I do agree 100% that her willful little tail has been the most “fun” to rais thus far. …..here’s hoping it stays that way
Savanna
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 8:19I too have a shithead, her name is Livvy and I absolutely adore her. The cuddles are the best, it makes up for being an asshole when we’re out in public!
Kathy
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 8:23I love your posts always, but this one hit home like no other. We are the proud(?) parents of 10 lovely children (7 of whom made it through their childhood somewhat successfully and are now “adults”) 7 of our 10 are adopted, special needs kids. Our youngest of the older kids was 20 when we adopted infant twin girls, then a year later their baby sister. I am here to tell you that those original kids were absolute angels! I would get comments on how well behaved, well mannered, etc. they were every time we took them out. Since the devil 3 came into our lives, no one uses the word “well” when talking about my kids. Now, I thought I was an experienced parent, but holy hell!!! These three are maniacs!! I have a list of restaurants and stores in our town that I can no longer go to. So welcome to the club, we’ve been waiting for you. 🙂
Kate
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 8:39Awesome post. Also, awesome comments. What an incredible array of parenting experiences and kids! I used to hope that my kids would be the sweet, quiet, well-behaved kind. But, I knew better. I had two brothers and I remember there toddler years too well. And now, here I am. With a first kid so stubborn, so energetic, always pushing boundaries, and so smart that he sees me coming and has figured me out already, a kid who can only sit at a dinner table for 10.4 minutes before he needs something more interesting to do, but can play with wooden trains for HOURS, a kid who needs to be outside for a large fraction of each day so we can all remain sane… yep. He’s probably going to be an only child.
Sarah
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 10:12holy crap, this is my Lilly. Almost 4 and does things my 9 year old son never would have THOUGHT of. I feel like she’s just now getting to a point where taking the three of them (I have an almost 2 yo too) isn’t GUARANTEED to be a disaster. It’s shifted to more like a 70/30 chance. She’s the kid hiding in the clothing racks, SLATHERING herself in half a jar of peanut butter, coloring on my walls (repeatedly), running off with my keys/debit card, washing the kitchen floor with fish oil, dragging every item of clothing out of their closet….but man…that girl LOVES LIFE. always dancing and singing, always happy, always playing make believe. I LOVE who she is…and I just need to get her to 20 without losing.my.mind. 😉
Cindy
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 12:12This is awesome! You just described my life…except mine is called Andrew and he’s my oldest not my youngest!!!
Alayna Despain
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 15:24My first was just like that! No matter what we did, he always found a new way to escape, wreck havoc, etc. He also is creative, has a unique look on life, and a witty sense of humor. He truly was the best, worst kid around. I say was, because he is now 23 years old and is such a joy to have in our lives. (partly because I am not responsible for him now). Also, believe it or not, we can now look back at those moments and laugh. I had four kids after him and they were just normal kids, I thought they were so easy! I am glad I had more because it helped me realize I wasn’t such a horrible parent after all, I just had the best, worst kid.
Erin Phillips
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 16:31I have 2 halflings lol they can be good but they can be little shits!
TARA
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 20:28you do NOT need to have multiple children to have this experience. LOL. I only have one child!
Echo Arnett
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 21:30I notice the amber beads around Georgie’s neck. Soothing and calming, right? Yeah, they don’t work for my granddaughter, either. But I wouldn’t have it any other way! I love our 2-year-old Alice’s spirit, her fearlessness, and her creativity. My daughter says “insane.” I say amazing!
Melissa
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 21:40I’m the proud mother of one of these toddlers. My little guy saves his best for the shopping centre – taking off down the aisles at lightning speed while laughing outrageously then he’ll loudly say hi/bye to every person he see’s & blow them a kiss. He loves to wrestle & he will instigate a good old fashioned wrestling match anytime he pleased with anyone by launching on them thinking it’s so much fun!
He also loves to hang out naked anytime anywhere, eat yoghurt out of the big family size tub only, has to pour his own drinks, cut his own meat and if he doesn’t like the taste of something after he’s put it in his mouth of course he grabs your hand and spits it out.
Sure he’s bat shit crazy and rough as guts but he has great manners, eats and sleeps well, loves a cuddle and kiss and just gives out so damn much love to everyone that I consider myself lucky to be the mum of ‘that’ child because that cheeky chubbly bubbly boy is pretty damn awesome just like your’s sounds pretty damn awesome too 🙂
Gary
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 5:29Wow supermom
Tracy
Wednesday, 27 November, 2013 at 23:43I guess I was “lucky” that this was my first child 🙂 But I do love the little hell-raisers. Last visit to my grandmother in her nursing home, within the 30 seconds it took for me to fix something for my grandmother, my daughter had stripped naked and run from the room, running up and down the halls squealing with glee. The nurses were unimpressed, but I swear if the residents didn’t look like they’d just woken from a drug-induced coma with massive grins on their faces 🙂 It’s that kind of life that these kids have – they bring everyone else into their world and make them smile!
Gretchen
Wednesday, 18 December, 2013 at 0:55Your last sentence completely sums up both of my kids, but especially my youngest little hell-raiser.
“It’s that kind of life that these kids have – they bring everyone else into their world and make them smile!”. Perfect, absolutely perfect.
Mine is the child who will fart in the changing rooms then blame it on her mother (try arguing your way out of THAT one without sounding like a schmuck!). She will draw on almost every wall in the house. She will cut holes in her skirts just because she liked the feeling of scissors on cotton. She will run away at the shops and hide under the clothes racks. She will scream for an hour because you did what she asked, not what she wanted (cos she changed her mind without advising anyone else!).
BUT she is the ray of light in everyone’s life, and is THE most sensitive, caring, loving, snuggly, awesome child I have ever met. She greets every single person she meets with a smile, and I’m not kidding when I say I’ve never met anyone who’s gone away without saying something genuinely nice about her. This kid just loves everyone and everything, and has no qualms in letting the world know about it. If I’m having a really crappy, irritable day she will make me get down to her level, take my face in her hands and tell me she loves me until I smile…she’s been saying “I love you” since before she could string any other sentence together.
Sometimes – often – I feel like one or other (or both) of my children could drive me to insanity (ok, it’s not a long trip)…but they’re worth every second. Well, once the insanely shouty, stressful stuff has passed again and/or they’re finally asleep, anyway!
AJ Smith
Tuesday, 30 September, 2014 at 20:47Oh, I really love the part about making the nursing home folks grin from ear to ear (just gave me a tear)!! That’s good stuff! Keep on truckin little gal!
Lauren
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 0:58So basically it’s not your fault if you have a monster of a kid because you have too many of them, but it’s ok that they’re a monster because they are your favourite?
Ashley
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 15:41What are you even trying to say?
Lauren
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 2:49I’m stating what I believe was said in this article but in simpler terms.
renegademama
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 8:35I’d answer your question, Lauren, but I’m not responsible for the reading comprehension (or lack thereof) of strangers who come across this blog. If that’s what you got from this, go you!
Denise Duffield-Thomas
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 1:32On the plus side – sounds like she’d be an awesome blogger one day.
Emma
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 5:13Ahhhhh. Yes. Mine is Cyclone Macy. Full of beans, energy, attitude and love.
Harold
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 9:14As I scrolled through this crap, the excessive amount of profanity reminded me of how many shit writers there are on the internet. Hey guys, using the word ‘fuck’ in every paragraph makes you cool. Don’t forget that.
renegademama
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 10:15Your argument against profanity would have been significantly more effective if you didn’t, um, use profanity.
Kelly Mayr
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 9:46I LOVE this post….it really made me laugh out loud. We have seven kids ,so I could have written this a few kids ago! We just adopted a 2 year….she sounds like our little one….never dull lol
Isabel
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 13:10My third was like this. He is now23 and has a complex Bout how we used to talk about how challenging he was. His later teenage years were just spiralling depression. Just love them and hug them and slow your life down somehow.
Megan Holmes
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 14:49I’m sorry but I could not read your whole blog. I got to the part where you called another child a ‘shit head child’! People like you disgust me and make me so angry! my son has autism and although his behavior looks bad, it’s an indication that he’s not coping! My son has huge sensory issues, can’t stand being in shopping centers and the only way he communicates his pain is by acting out. Why don’t you look outside the box and educate yourself about what autism actually is before you call a random child a shit head! You might think your child is perfect, but there is no such thing as perfect! I see people like you everyday and if you were to spend one day in my shoes you would never look or think of another child like that again! Very upsetting….grow up!
renegademama
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 17:14You might want to try reading the whole piece of writing before you attack the writer. You might be pleasantly surprised, not to mention avoid looking like a complete moron.
Arianna
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 15:02Uh yep. That’s my first kid. People who don’t have a kid like that just CAN’T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND. They love to give you all theses beautiful, magical suggestions. And you’re just like DUDE. No. Tried it. Tried it. Tried it. If she doesn’t want to get in her car seat…nothing works. No amount of bribery. No amount of force. Nothing. If she is determined to stay up, nothing will get her to sleep. Not rocking. Not the boob. Not reading boring books. Not letting her pass out when she decides to give up (because she never will-we’ve tried). She is also the most entertaining and sassy little girl. She’s 2. Yesterday, she said to her friend “DON’T TOUCH MY VULVA!” when he wasn’t even anywhere near her. She sure keeps life bright and shiny.
Nichole
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 15:06yep, I have one of those. We even have a similar picture with all the stickers! Unfortunately, school seems to want to squash a lot of the fire and beauty out of my Sasha. Labels like ADHD and such are in our lives alot. I just thank the gods that I don’t sweat the small stuff. I love her with all of me!!!
Chelsea
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 15:18This is my son (in fact, in the photo with the I <3 NY tee, she even looks like my son, but with a cleaner face.) Rock on Georgia 🙂 and a whole fucking mountain full of strength to all the parents who get to love kids like this!
Dody
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 15:27“Or maybe it’s that once you have more than two, the little hoodlums outnumber you and the older ones CRACK THE FUCK UP every time the smallest one screams “penis!” or “poop!” or flings herself sideways across dinner tables or throws her shoes and socks off while riding in the cart in Costco.”
THIS. I have 6. My first 5 were angels. My 17 year old laughs at everything my 4 year old does and encourages his ass wipe behavior. He loves to tell the world he has a penis and they don’t cause they broke theirs. 5 kids and all of them without exception practically perfect, number 6 was a hellion. All because of one big sister that let’s him get away with murder and laughs when he does it. I can’t wait to be a grandma. I am going to do the same to her.
renegademama
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 17:15DAMN! Six kids and only the last was a hellion?! Holy shit, at that point I’d be SO SURE of my parental glory — and to have it all smashed at the final moment! 🙂
Sarah
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 16:08Amazing this is what I needed and my child to a t lol. Haha crazy kid but I love his guts x
Megibson
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 16:16I have one of those. She’s only 11 months but she’s definitely in the hell raiser club and I’ve known this for quite some time. Other people don’t get it. They think it’s crappy or permissive or uptight parenting that makes them this way. And boy are try full of advice on how /they/ think she could be ‘fixed’. But when you have a little firecracker you just know. It’s them. They burn brighter than the rest. And I bloody love her for it 🙂
Daddy "princess"
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 16:41This describes my daughter to a T. I am glad that my wife and I are not the only ones who have experienced this. My little girl is now 5 and still as rotten as ever, but those times when she calms down, climbs up on my lap, and says “Daddy I wish I could merry you” just melts my heart. Love her to death, but she is a handful, most of the time. She is also the first and only, so its not an issue of being out numbered, I think she’s just so smart, she gets bored easily, and has to find ways to entertain herself.
nelly
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 17:56sooner or later if you make kiddies you get one like that, sometimes two.
sure makes for interesting family gatherings…
I am still undecided as to whether it’s a good thing or not, but they don’t change. mine is now 18 yrs old and you can guarantee she will tell you exactly what she thinks if you are stupid enough to ask.
i am trying to tell myself it is a lesson in acceptance in the quieter times and call her my challenge child in others (among other choice phrases).
she can be her very own shit storm and pull everyone else along with her. that’s just the way it is.
disclaimer: i am grateful for my children, even the shit-headed ones. there are support groups online and in person for those of us that are facing uphill challenges such as beyondblue.org and moodgym.anu.edu.au
we all do the best that we can with the tools life has given us and children or lack thereof is one of big jobs that no one is ever totally prepared for, so hate on something else or better still, help out (like blogs like this one do).
Tomey
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 19:05I know where you are coming from lol. I was that person who said when I have kids they will never be like that. But its the exact opposite. My oldest son who is 9 now has autism and mood disorders and it is not easy. And my 4 year old is finding his personality and will scream in stores because he wants something. They are my kids and I love them with all my heart. They are a work in progress. lol
Nicolle
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 19:34You describe my kids perfectly! I love it!
I used to be one of those judgy people! Fuck you karma!
Alyca
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 19:43I also have 3 children, my oldest was quite the hellion and we are hoping so much that this last one will turn out to be the sweet one. I am so desensitized because of my children that I rarely actually laugh out loud but this post did it. I love it.
Making the older one fetch the toddler, you called me out there. And what the hell is the point of kids anyway? Thank you 🙂
Isis
Thursday, 28 November, 2013 at 20:19Wow! This was so amusing, funny, and familiar. My 5 year old was like this and my 10 year old was that “ideal” child. It is good to hear that I’m not alone. I was the judgemental passerby and I consider myself a conscious parent for the most part but man, parenthood is tough. Thanks for the raw truth.
Jenny
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 2:34thank you thank you thank you. today was a bad day – we usually go to music group, where my little hellion is obsessed with two other little sweeties, and spends the whole time alternately hugging them SO tight, or knocking them down and sitting on them. Today we only made it as far as the car park before he had his hissy fit and i jumped on that and took him home! (of course we were late already, as we had to spend 20 minutes before we left being ants in the driveway – crawling around looking for food – SERIOUSLY????) BUT, the other parents are a bit judgy (and ok he is sitting on their kid – but it’s honestly not like I’m standing back offering him tackle advice…. I’m hauling his ass off there!) so to know I am NOT alone, and others DO know what I am going through – THANK YOU!! I really needed this todayxx
Naomi
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 3:05I have two. We try to shop during quiet periods and I look for supermarkets with large front foyers to allow for running opportunities.
Karen
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 4:58Loved reading this andall of the comments as well. I had my first two “my kid never did that” kids. Then we had our third! I have said since he turned one that someday he would be an engineer or a convict. He is 10 and I still dont know! While he has been a challenge he is also the most creative intelligent and problem solving thinking outside the box kid i know. If i hadn’t already had 2 kids he would probably be an only child lol! As sufficult as he can be though he can be just as loving and i cant wait to see what he does in life. Nobody will ever tell him you cant do that or be that
Laurie
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 7:43Yup. You can see it in her face! My first was easy. NEVER once had a tantrum or embarrassed me. Then I had a daughter!!! And they turn into teenage girls. And you just wonder when it will end!!! But I’ll keep both of them.
amanda
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 8:36We have one just like this but she is our oldest of 3 girls. After my ultrasound for our 3rd i came to the school to pick her up she ask right away,” so mommy is our baby a boy?” She really wanted a brother. I told her,” no you are getting a new baby sister.” She looked me right it the eye will all the other students parents and teachers standing there and said with a straight face in a very loud voice,”So you mean my baby isn’t going to have a penis?” And she is now 8 years old and really has not slowed down all that much lol good luck all.
Chrissy
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 11:01My Violet is 20 months and well on her way to this, already doing half of what you describe. Unfortunately, my husband feels she is too much to handle and that adding another child would be insanity- and that makes me sad and a little angry.
Jared
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 11:24Agreed. My daughter wasn’t as gnarly as your description of Georgia, but my son Tanner, now that is a different story. Great read.
Jami
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 11:39Mine isn’t a toddler, she’s 8 and has aspergers as well as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Let me tell you what a fun cocktail that one can be…
One of my most memorable times with her was in the checkout line at the local grocery where she got mad about something and decided to throw every goddamn box of candy she could reach in any possible direction – to hell with anyone knocked out by a rogue Snickers or Kit Kat.
Of course in the midst of trying to stop my child from potentially hurt herself, anyone else in the lane, or do much more collateral damage I have the stuffy old bitch in front of me demand she get an item replaced as that “maniac child” had crushed it, the checkout woman say right out loud “why would anyone let their child do that” ( as if I brought my daughter aside and said “hey look at those crackers.. they’re total shit… you should throw a box of slim jims at them.” ) but of course, to top it all off the woman a few carts back utters my absolute favorite ( a common one here in Arkansas from what I’ve learned) “That child needs a good ass whoopin’ to put the fear of God in her” now, being a Buddhist and not really understanding how beating a child instills any religious principles or anything aside from gratification for your anger I totally have grown to despise anyone who utters that phrase within an earshot of me but I do see things from the eyes of the parent being judged….and now that I live that parent role the last thing I want to do is judge someone for much of anything lol
michelle
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 11:41I have a 3 year old girl and a 2 year old boy, my daughter is the ring leader. i have seen her empty the fridge, flood the bathroom. she has drawn on every wall in my house and her lastest only 2 days ago. she managed to get the lid off a tin of paint and decided to redecorate their bedroom and i mean it was green, walls, carpets, draws, beds, curains, toys and she also painted her lil brother head to toe in green paint. she runs wild and i have to take photos of everything as nobody believes me becasue she is such an angel in front of everyone else. honestly she is free spirited and so determined and i wldnt change her for the world even tho i wont have any hair left by the time she reaches 18 lol.
Em
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 15:46Hahahaha – I love the people slating her – you’ve seen what this woman deals with on a daily basis, you’re bitching is small fry to this kick-ass mamma 😉
Sarah B
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 16:35Awesome story. I have one child, she is not like your Georgia. However, I am the big sister who was running after the toddler. The toddler who was #6 child for my parents. The toddler who figured out how to climb out of his cot at 10 months. The toddler who desparately needed to be on top of a chair that my mother put on top of the washing machine which he then climbed and fell from and gave himself concussion at 18 months. The toddler who I would be carrying down the aisle trying to avoid flailing limbs. The toddler who … well I could go on and on, but I guess you know the rest.
I am grateful for my daughter, she didn’t figure out that you could actually drag a chair somewhere to climb up high until she was 4.5yo. But then on the other hand I worry that she doesn’t have the spirit that I love in my now grown toddler brother. Who, by the way, ended up with his own spirited toddler.
Samantha
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 19:34For a while there I thought you were talking about my 2nd son. He is just like your little Georgia. When he was 1 he decided he wanted to fly off of his dresser and hit his mouth on his bed and he to have his two front teeth pulled as they were dead. I can’t tell you how many people look at me like I am the worlds worst Mom but I just smile and pray that I can finish the trip without him breaking something or running off and hiding in the clothes from me. It is nice to know I am not the only Mom out there with a spirited child. Good Luck!
Nicole
Friday, 29 November, 2013 at 22:26Wow! This could have been written about my “Hurricane Hannah”! Super sweet and friendlyat times, but a disaster waiting to happen! Our best mishap so far was when she dusted our entire living room in a newly opened 5 pound bag of flour because she wanted it to snow. She was 7 then and will be 9 in January… love this girl so much!
Vic
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 1:04Love it. I own a replica male version. I like to refer to him as spirited! Drives me insane, makes me loathe people witb easy kids, ones that sleep and sit down to eat without 5 point restraints that required two adults to get small child into. Sometimes I feel jealous of those parents with the shy kids, the quiet kids, the compliant kids. But my little dude has the biggest heart, most awesome sense of humour, and has a magic way that makes people love him instantly. I just wish he had a pause button at times!
Sarah Peterson
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 6:48Oh man… I’ve never read an article that describes my life with my daughter so accurately. She is my worst enemy and the love of my life all rolled into one 4 year old package 🙂 Thanks for the awesome read that made me laugh hysterically, while reading out loud to my husband every other sentence and saying, “See! We’re not alone!”
Rachael
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 8:11My adventurous little man is almost six. And it is getting better!!! There are far more days that he is so sweet and amazing then days I want to pull my hair out.
LoriAnn
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 11:20OMG you just decribed my middle daughter Aubree! My oldest (Dani) was a piece of cake, she was mellow, and so easy to shop with I, like you, thought it was my mad parenting skills that made her behave so well and then I had Aubree…and that theory flew out the window. She is like Jekyll and Hyde and you never know who you are going to get especially when you take her shopping, she might sit nice in the cart and let you shop but then again she might launch herself out of the cart and try to make a break for it too or she might start out being good just to psych you out but the whole time she’s just plotting her escape. Seatbelts in carts mean nothing to her she is a little Houdini she can get out of anything…she can also get into anything, she can jimmy any and every child lock ever made. No matter how high up I put things she can get them, she is such a climber, pretty soon I am going to have to start duct taping things to the ceiling!!! In fact this post which should have taken me like 5 minutes to type has taken almost an hour because she locked me out of the bathroom and did some beautiful artwork on the walls with her toothpaste and while I cleaned that mess up she got ahold of one of her sisters markers and did some more beautiful artwork on her 8 month old baby sister :/ but she is also the most affectionate loving child too…thank you for making me realize I am not the only one with such chaos……and cuteness all rolled into one child!!!!!
Vicky
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 13:01Holy shit, where have you been? I stumbled upon your blog today and laughed so hard I cried. Needless to say, I’m not going to get shit done at work the rest of the day because I have to read more. FINALLY. Someone on the same wavelength. Where are all the rest of the people like you? THAT’S a group of ladies I’d like to hang out with.
Lucy
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 13:19Yep – my second is like this, he’s called Sonny. His big brother Beau had the occasional tantrum, but nothing like his little brother. Sonny will clear the table (by launching everything at me shouting “catch mummy pig”) and then when I ask him why he’s cross, he turns and shouts “I ANGRY”!!!! Cracks me up every time! Although, then I have to clear up . . .
katery
Saturday, 30 November, 2013 at 19:29People who don’t have one of these kids don’t know. You try and explain, and they’re like, all toddlers are crazy, that’s a sure sign, they have no idea. When you meet someone who does, you both know instantly.
Desiree
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 4:46The other day I was at the market buying bread. Like an idiot, I believed my two year old when she told me she could walk. Gotta let her try, right?
The bread stand is OF COURSE directly across from the candy stand and she flips the fuck out. “Mommy, I want a POP!!” A lollipop, one of those giant round swirly old-school ones, because OF COURSE she does. I say no and beg her to quietly wait our turn with me to get bread. Oh yeah, I’m hugely pregnant so trying to wrestle a tantrum-y toddler is the most fun EVER. And of course the dad in front of us is buying his bread while his daughter is patiently waiting, with her hand on their cart, just looking at us.
The lollipop man totally tried to shame me and was all loud and obvious when he said to the dad “She is SO WELL BEHAVED. Is she always SO WELL BEHAVED?” Looking at me, trying to wrestle my kid over my giant belly.
The dad was like “Oh God no!” Then he looks at me with sympathy and looks back at the lollipop man and says “We are all equals in this parenting game.” I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t because my kid had suddenly grown four extra arms and legs and was trying with all her might to bust free and take the entire lollipop stand down with her.
So yeah, I’m with you. So much.
Gary
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 6:27there is nothing like raising children mine are all grown up now with their own I would give anything to be able to go back and relive those days again.
Sandy Fustin
Sunday, 1 December, 2013 at 12:23FYI..They grow up to be wonderful adults..no one will take them for granted ,they will speak up for others and love deeply. Don’t worry that strong will gets put to good use. Love everything about them and don’t take it to seriously or personal … and keep your since of humor. A parent of a wonderful grown up daughter similar to yours.
Millie
Monday, 2 December, 2013 at 4:45I’m sorry to say but, this was me, my poor mother still has trouble to this day (its never ends and being the problem child can give you some of the best and worst moments) everyone knows how crazy and loveable you can be, as well as coming home at the start of the last month on my dads birthday, after calling and telling the dear rents i had car trouble and wouldn’t be home till the next day, to then pop up by sneaking in through my room and screaming out happy birthday, not only did i give mum a heart attack and dad a laughing fit but I was minus a few brownie points. good luck, I’m 20 and still testing my parents (it’s never ending and I love it) 😉
melissa
Monday, 2 December, 2013 at 6:29NAUGHTY TODDLER ALL GROWN UP
My first born was absolutely terrible from the day she was born, colic for it seemed like eternity then biting then screaming for no reason at all. She’d get into the fridge at night despite our booby-traps & make ranch spaghetti sauce whatever the hell else on our couch & go back to bed @ 4am! She would override the childproof lock & escape the apartment,I would have to chase her down 9 months pregnant sprinting along a busy road. I couldn’t take her to the store for similar behaviors Georgia ddisplayed plus the screaming and crying so I believe it was about the age of 5 when she finally got the concept & broke down and behaved, but not always! I used to sit on my front steps during her tantrums so the neighbors wouldn’t think I was beating her….I could go on & on but yes you wonder what you did wrong & why…so many tears were shed! when she was 3 I got pregnant again with a little girl who was a complete angel and has always been! My oldest is now 14, she’s pretty much outgrown a lot of the problems however she was diagnosed with ADD just like me. I’d have to say her severe mood swings are the worst of our problems today…. lets hope! My question for you all is how do you discipline you’r kids when they’re acting out like this?
Kateri Von Steal
Monday, 2 December, 2013 at 10:36In a super, not weird, stalker stranger way:
I LOVE HER!
When you write about her, I read all the crazy toddler antics and think.. THIS KID IS GOING TO BE A FREAKING LEADER. As I am sure all of your kids will be. They will not follow the lemings… They will have their own minds and opinions.
Georgie is just adorable to me!
So, from one mother to another… Keep doing what you’re doing.
OH.. and in case you were wondering….
This post… from today 12/2/13.. has a surprise ending…
Which, after a year or so of Our Blogship (Blogger friends, duh, yeah, I know I’m a geek)… I think you should know!!!!
Kory
Wednesday, 4 December, 2013 at 10:20Jesus. I don’t have kids, but you definitely just described my childhood to a T. I’m 32 now, and sorry to say that I’m pretty sure I never grew out of “that phase”, just learned how to handle it. I’m not gonna lie, I did almost end up in jail as a teenager but by my mid-twenties I got my shit together and started to use the crazy for good.
Here’s a glimpse into those wild little brains: they dance anywhere and everywhere because there is always music playing in their heads. Maybe they want to go to sleep and are over-tired when they are throwing that tantrum because it takes them an hour to fall asleep just because they can’t stop their brains from the massive influx of random thoughts and ideas that ALWAYS are running though their heads. They have NO filter between their brains and their mouths which provides for plenty of inappropriate and amusing comments. They have more energy than they know what to do with, which can result in running amok and just generally destroying things. They can get lost in puzzles and problem-solving tasks for days which probably comes from all of those years of scheming and boundary-pushing. They feel other’s emotions, good or bad, like their own and are very good at reading moods and body language.
But, they’re awesome just like they are! They don’t answer to normal standards or accept predetermined rules, they question everything. They don’t give two shits about what others think of them or their choices. They love like no others, but will equally hate with the same passion if they feel wronged. These unruly little fuckers are the scientists and engineers of the future, and you can’t make advances without thinking a little differently. Just know that if they make it through the crazy teenage and early adult years that there are thousands of opportunities for the wild ones out there. And a big thank you to my mom and to all of you other parents for dealing with the madness. Sweet Jesus, I’ll shut up now.
Amy
Thursday, 5 December, 2013 at 8:41Your kids are gorgeous and amazing! And I love your blog. And I don’t even have children…but here’s the thing: your blog makes me WANT to have children! So thanks Janelle, you’ve officially managed what a nagging, desperate husband has failed so far to do and MADE ME BROODY!!
I’m sure this wasn’t your intention. Love love love your work 🙂
Lauren
Thursday, 5 December, 2013 at 20:02I am a mother of almost 3 and none behave this way. I’d whip a little ass in a heartbeat…. And they know it. Start early, stay consistent, let the child know who’s in charge. Handle the problem yourself, not send in a sibling to do your parenting. I’m sorry for all of you. It doesn’t have to be this way. I’m not perfect, but I have really good kids. Thank God because i’d snap. They can still be smart, loving, entertaining, creative, silly, and fun individuals, who think for themselves with out being little hellions.
Janelle
Thursday, 9 January, 2014 at 7:35How do people like you end up on this blog? Have you not noticed the all-caps words in the left margin stating JOIN ME IN THE FIGHT AGAINST HELPFUL PARENTING ADVICE?
I don’t want your advice. I really don’t give a fuck how “good” your kids are. Take your self-righteous, self-congratulatory, egotistical, holier-than-thou self back to Babycenter. There you’ll find many like you, and you can engage all day in mommy versions of “Who’s got the biggest penis” by telling all those other moms how amazing your kids are.
They might care. Doubt it. But maybe.
K bye.
Tammy mother of 4
Thursday, 16 January, 2014 at 23:03She said mother of “almost 3″…..let’s just sit back and wait to see just how perfect her 3rd is!!! That karma train will catch up to her hopefully!! BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Jami
Thursday, 6 February, 2014 at 9:43I am so sickened to see parents who have no shame or concern with beating their children into submission. I have an autistic 8 year old and let me tell you keeping my cool can be hard sometimes…but I would never in a million years hurt her simply because she is being a pain in the ass. (yes, I admit that my child can be a pain in the ass sometimes, so can I, so can my husband, and so can the cashier when I’m buying groceries… we all have bad days and for my daughter, although we are working on it with a variety of therapies,there are no skills there to cope with that the way that others do )
I just have to ask though, without sounding self-righteous which is next to impossible on the internet at times as people only hear and understand things the way they want to or interpret them to what they disagree with but here goes – how on earth can you correlate causing pain to your child with them learning any of the lessons they will need in the future. You are teaching them to be frightened of you, not that they shouldn’t do this or that because a negative response will come (i.e. if I throw mud at the dog I will be cleaning it up, or if I refuse to clean my room for hours on end…we do the 3 strikes rule here…then I am going to start losing toys to “toy jail” until I earn them back ) I simply see no way in hell that causing the stress of pain, fear, and sadness in a child is a healthy way of teaching them to deal with emotions they don’t fully understand and to avoid behaviors they may not yet have the cognitive ability to grasp the severity of. In essence, in my opinion, abusing your child ( call it what you will – spanking, a swat on the ass, the good old hand slap, biting back – what have you ) is simply you as a parent acting our your anger and not making an attempt to help your child better understand what happened, why it was wrong, and what they could do to avoid the problem in the future. In contrast, I find it to be quite the opposite. The child learns that if I am upset with someone I hit them, scream at them, etc
I find it comical actually ( along with sad ) that before my children went to school they were in a very peaceful household and were very well behaved as they did not have an authority figure to look up to for guidance who taught them to be violent or mean, but then they were in the mix with parents who beat, oh sorry – spanked their children they learned many of the improper and downright MEAN behaviors that these children had learned from their frightening, violent, and most likely ( as this was in Kindergarten and 1st grade ) very confused classmates.
Nikki Beetz
Thursday, 5 December, 2013 at 22:51I laughed through this whole story because I know how it is x 2! My first child was just perfect however 10 yes later I had my second then 18 months after that my third child and hello my second child Ramsey has finally grown out of it but is my little drama queen however my third child Gavin has not fully grown out he has gotten better but I still find myself repeatedly telling him to stop! But I wouldn’t trade them for anything they are just so unique and special in their own ways and I love them more than anything! Without them my oldest Taylor who is 18 and away at ULM probably wouldn’t have much adventure in our lives!
Michele
Friday, 6 December, 2013 at 19:35Both of mine were that way as toddlers. I too have a terrible confession… when I would look at other toddlers sitting blankly in their strollers drooling or sucking on a sippy cup, I had to wonder whether they were just dumb or maybe their parents sedated them. Normal, bright, curious, active kids don’t just sit there. At least, that’s how it seemed to me. So don’t think if you have a “well-behaved” kid that you’re not being judged too! 😉 Nothing gives perspective like having more than 1 or 2 kids.
Freya
Saturday, 7 December, 2013 at 9:56I have four year-old twins who are just like this. People tell me it’s because they are ‘bright’, (in the same way that Brain from Pinky and the Brain is bright). I quite like the idea of rounding all these kids up and seeing what they can conjure up together – they’d either solve all the world’s problems in half an hour or create a whole new bunch to take our minds off the old ones.
Nicole
Monday, 9 December, 2013 at 6:24Oh thank you for this! My 2nd child is only 18 months old but this is my life! Our last attempt to go to a resturant ended with me telling my husband that “at one point I looked at us and realized that we were now the people I used to look at and think ‘get control of your kid!’ ” Our first was manageable, only occasionally poorly behaved, but I could manage, redirect, correct, etc. any poor behavior. Not with #2!!! He is giving us a run for our money. I’m particularly bothered because me bachelors degree was in Early Childhood development- and I’ve tried everything I learned to manage behavior. NOTHING WORKS! I even had some old hag come up to me in Target and tell
Me she was going to call CPS on me because he was crying. He decided he wanted out of the cart, which was NOT going to happen because I was not interested in trying to clean up his destructive path as I chased him through the store. So I kept him strapped into the cart as I picked out a sweatshirt for him. Then she seaks me out in the kids section and harasses me. I laughed in her face. I thought she was kidding. The. When she told me she was serious, I responded with, clearly you’ve never had any kids. Then ignored the rest of her ignorant comments.luckily another mom was there and comforted me after the fact. She said, “so now we call CPS for a crying baby!? That woman was terrible. I’m so sorry you had to go through that!” Thankful for people like her. Anyhow, my parents think it’s hysterical- clearly he gets this from me. Anyhow, thanks for sharing and giving me a laugh about it! Good luck and patience to you and all the others out there in the same boat!
Rebecca
Friday, 13 December, 2013 at 8:27I’d love to see you write a response piece to this news story: http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2013/12/11/teen-drunk-driver-uses-affluenza-defense-after-deadly-crash/?hpt=ac_mid
Erica / Northwest Edible Life
Sunday, 15 December, 2013 at 21:54Loved this. That’s my second – a boy – after having super chill girl child first. The boy, now three, will hurl himself into skull-threatening scenarios and then pop up and say, “No Bwood!” and keep going. It’s exhausting. Meanwhile tender girl child, now 9, needs emo reassurance if someone looks at her unkindly. It’s exhausting. But I do call my son my lesson in humility, because for the longest time I judged the parents of kids like my son while my daughter dutifully listened and I was quite sure I was a superior parent and my Love & Logic juju was the shit. Now…well…I figure we are all just trying to muddle though the best we can.
Emily
Monday, 16 December, 2013 at 11:03Soooo very true. Every single word! Our 2 year old is the third child…and an absolute nut! I contribute it to his overly sweet (when not running around like a lunatic) personality, his adorable smile, and the fact that the older two laugh at every frickin’ thing he does! He doesn’t give a damn about what we say when the other two think he’s hysterical! We are totally outnumbered!!!! Lol…gotta love them ALL THOUGH…SO darn cute.
Rye
Tuesday, 17 December, 2013 at 9:37Interestingly, my sister is a third child and was almost exactly like that as a toddler. By high school my mother had managed to civilize her enough that she had learned to redirect much of this into co-captaining the co-ed soccer team (she was the only girl on it), although she was also the one who nearly died in a mosh pit at a concert she wasn’t supposed to be at. She’s now 23 and arguably the most driven, responsible, and well-adjusted out of all of us. My dad was also the third child, and was the kind of kid who tried to create wings out of garbage bags and then test them by jumping off the third story roof. My grandmother tells the story of waking up one morning when he was two to a police officer who had found him wandering the neighborhood. He’d escaped through his bedroom window at about 5 a.m. I don’t know how my grandmother kept her sanity. Dad is also the most well-adjusted and happy, as well as the most “successful” of his siblings. Those Wild Children are something special, indeed! (and many of them seem to be third children, but certainly not all).
kateincottesloe
Wednesday, 8 January, 2014 at 18:20I have twin boys like that. And a younger girl like that. And a headache – since 2005.
Lindsay
Thursday, 16 January, 2014 at 6:32You described my Stella to a “t”…my favorite is when other people offer advice like “well, just be consistent” or “maybe you shouldn’t let her win so many battles” or you have to force her in the shopping cart seat and if she screams, oh well.” DON’T YOU THINK I’VE TRIED ALL TAHT??!! Screaming is her weapon of choice and its not just a loud yell, its an ear-piercing, all-eyes-turn-bc-they-think-someone’s-being-murdered, brain shaking scream. She came out of the womb this way. She took months to sleep train. She had her first actual tantrum at 7 months (how dare I lay her flat on her back when she wanted me to hold her!) she has literally screamed every single time I’ve buckled her in her car seat. But like you said, she has this infectious zest for life, absolute joy and in delight in everything she does. I always say everything about her is 150%…both good and bad. But WHEW sometimes its nice when she goes to bed and we hang out with the quiet kid who likes to color and play with legos and talk softly about things!!
Jen
Thursday, 16 January, 2014 at 10:56See…my first three were insane…the oldest being the WORST. I had a Mom friend who had two perfectly behaved children. Who decided that if I just did what she did…I’d have three perfected behaved children. This annoyed me. But I said nothing.
Then she had number 3. Let me just say…payback is a bitch. And I’m laughing at her every chance I get. =)
I’m glad to say that my number 4 is an easy kid…not nearly as wild as his older sibs, which is very nice indeed. He still get’s crazy…I’m trying to break him of the climbing on the roof habit. (Wouldn’t be so bad if he weren’t just 4)
Jen
Thursday, 16 January, 2014 at 10:59OMG. This is my son. My wonderful, amazing, crazy, fucking batshit insane middle child. I was laughing hysterically while crying at the same time because your descriptions are just that hilarious, but I also feel the pain of being a parent to THAT child. Love it. At least I know I’m not the only one.
Debra
Thursday, 16 January, 2014 at 19:04Oh Lord, my third child is JUST LIKE THIS. I don’t think it’s anything any of us did. Just one of those things. 🙂
Koa
Thursday, 16 January, 2014 at 21:04Oh, lord. That was perfect. Mine has many of those tendencies, only the one, and I frequently think well, self. This is the shit that happens when you la di dah around your 20s and early 30s thinking you’re gonna be such an ace mom and all those other ACTUAL MOMS are doing it wrong. If you do that, self…well…you get a kid standing ON TOP OF THE GIANT CAR GROCERY CART THING trying to “air surf” in the middle of the olive oil aisle.
Erin
Friday, 17 January, 2014 at 22:12I think you may be raising my child which is great for me because its bedtime and now he’s your problem. I mean joy. (No, I mean problem).
Mary
Friday, 24 January, 2014 at 7:34The child is wearing an AC/DC shirt so this automatically invalidates ANY judgment placed upon her. Because that level of awesome at the age of two is UNFATHOMABLE. I never had a child like her (and I have three – all adults now) but damn it, I’m praying for at least one grandchild like this. PLEASE, GOD. Give me a Georgia.
LisaC
Friday, 24 January, 2014 at 10:54I found your blog through a Babycenter friend and I. can’t. stop. laughing. Have you ever talked to someone or read something and thought, it’s her. I’ve found my long lost sister mom.
Thank you for putting into hilarious words, the hard parts, the love and the day to day crap of motherhood.
Peace.
Marina
Friday, 24 January, 2014 at 20:59BAHAHAHAHA I was reading this and images of my own two year old were coming up, like a checklist… Bouncing off the doors in the car (check), Standing up in the cart (check… one time he even fell over and nearly hit his head, but my momflexes caught him an inch from the ground… imagine the looks on that one). He head-butts me and laughs when I saw “ow”. How does that not hurt him too?!
Weirdo.
But yea there is that beacon of light that this may be the coolest kid ever… Good luck with Georgia (and have fun! HA), I’m rootin’ for ya, and hope our kids never meet…
And thanks for the laugh, and support.
April Non-Candidate of Mother of the Year
Saturday, 25 January, 2014 at 9:37Wow! You just described my youngest to a T! He has Tourette Syndrome and yes he’s one of “those” children. Climbing up things as high as he can, only to jump off and turn my dies hair gray. He stands in the shopping cart (and jumps out whilst moving…great fun) torments his grandmothers cats and makes life…interesting. He’s the child randomly yelling PENIS at the top of his lungs (and o before you ask it has nothing to do with the Tourette Syndrome [TS] and everything to do with a. shock value and b. making his older siblings laugh) He’s the child hanging upside down from stair rails in public, flipping, cartwheeling and accidentally kicking people, or running through the pharmacy like he’s fire, siblings in tow trying to catch him. He’s six now… I guess they take a while to grow out of it. And here’s the real kicker: our family is blessed with two kids like this. The other is now a teen…girl. Good times. But I wouldn’t trade either one f them for anythng in the world!
Carly
Sunday, 26 January, 2014 at 11:45There’s just something about number 3. I swear, if our third had been the first, she’d be an only. She is the reason those kiddie leashes were invented.
Jules
Thursday, 30 January, 2014 at 12:38We have one. His name’s Milo. Crazy as shit. We love him.
Dani
Friday, 31 January, 2014 at 8:30Oh my goodness, I feel like you just described my daughter Kinsey to a T! She’s my first-born and before having a child, I always imagined having a little girl and the adorably sweet, well-behaved angel with perfect manners that she would be. I feel like God is up there laughing at me now as he watches me chase after my gorgeous, way too smart, incredibly clever and funny little two-year old DEMON CHILD. I can see her sly little glances at me and just KNOW she’s thinking, “Hmmm…what new thing can I do to piss Mommy off RIGHT NOW? She’s so funny when she’s mad. Muahahahahahaha!!” I now also have a four-month old little boy and I pray every day that he turns out to be the calm one. The one who wants to snuggle sweetly as opposed to his big sister’s version of a hug, which is affectionately driving her forehead into mine with such force it feels like I’m simultaneously bruising and rug-burning my face. I’ll wrap this up before I black out as she’s just climbed up my back and is squeezing her arms around my neck, again “affectionately”, but also in an “I love you so much I could choke the life out of you” kind of way.
Nicole
Friday, 31 January, 2014 at 10:00I have to say I had three awesome toddlers, they were well behaved polite sweet and quiet. they didn’t wiggle at the table were quiet in restaurants sat quietly in the shopping cart etc. etc. then the hit pre teen & teen and OMG some days I want to strangle them. Finally we have made it into adulthood for our oldest. she is doing great. Currently I have a 17 yr old boy who is a handful more than a handful. He has decided that he knows absolutely everything. He has made a “dedication” to his piercing omfg! he has 8 piercings which by the way he doesn’t even need parental permission to get (legal at age 16) black and red hair and a shitty ass attitude. he thinks everyone is an asshole and if you try to say one word to try to help him understand how the world (and life) works well then you are just bitching at him and putting him down and you don’t know what the hell your talking about … then there is the youngest (15) you know those girls on the TV shows ? the smart ass ones who when they talk to people make it obvious that they don’t really give a crap that’s my sweet baby. ask her if she wants ice cream for desert and you get. oh my god mom ! really ? do you really think I want ice cream? eeerrrraaahhh ! and she is gone into her room, door shut music blasting !!! I swear sometimes I feel more like 80 than 41…..at least I know it ends at some point haha. good luck to all of you toddler moms!
Marina
Sunday, 2 February, 2014 at 8:28HAHA so maybe there is hope for the rest of us with nutso toddlers?! They get it out of their systems early! Hopefully THIS is how life works… Otherwise, oh shit. Good luck there! And thanks for a glimpse into our futures ha
Barbie
Tuesday, 4 February, 2014 at 11:33You just described my middle child, Kaitlyn. 2 1/2 & so “terribly” rotten that we have nicknamed her Lucy (you know… like Lucifer) because calling her the Spawn of Freaking Satan in public will get you even more dirty looks, even if she is acting that way! 🙂
Mark
Friday, 7 February, 2014 at 21:26This is the funniest (most accurate…) shit I have read in a long, long time. I laughed so hard, I literally cried.
We have four kids. I feel your pain.
Congratulations on an excellent, honest post.
-M.
Don
Wednesday, 12 February, 2014 at 4:25Surprisingly enough, none of your funny anecdotes end with, “so, I took my kid to the bathroom and gave her a spanking” or “so, I took my kid home and made her sit in the corner for an hour.”
And you wonder why she keeps acting up?
My kid acts up, too. We punish her until she changes her behavior. We also both have full-time high-pressure careers. Breeding is literally the most biologically simple, most instinctual, thing we do all day.
Mama Dee
Friday, 14 February, 2014 at 8:11If we were all super parents like you, who would you have to judge?
Tracie
Wednesday, 12 February, 2014 at 11:13Hey, just like all of the others, I have a girl like yours! She’s my fourth child, 15 years younger than my oldest, 2.5 years younger than her brother- only 5 years old. There is NOTHING so far that I have told her to limit her behavior that she has not loop-holed out. Don’t write on the walls with markers? Ok, she wrote on the floors. Wait, don’t write or draw on anything with pens, pencils, markers, crayons, and paints(added after she repainted her table) other than the paper that mom or dad give for this? ohhh, ok, so, she’ll use eyeliner, nail polish, and lipstick on the walls and doors. And stickers… oh the stickers… She’s not allowed to hit her brother, so she tackles him because- she wanted to give him a tight hug. But every day, every night, I hear at least once “Mom, you are the best mom ever!”, “Mom, you are just awesome!”, “Mom, you have the best hugs”. And telling perfect strangers “Hi, I just want to wish you well.” She is my first pink princess, running around in her boots, with her baby dolls riding in dump trucks because they’re more fun. The best worst kid around.
Patricia
Wednesday, 12 February, 2014 at 16:25I LOVE this story! I am the mother of three, and you have described my youngest — and our life with her. I, too, was one of “those” parents. Thanks for sharing your story and for letting us know we’re not the only ones out there!!
Mothers of crazy fucking toddlers unite!
Betsy
Friday, 14 February, 2014 at 6:12I love this kid. And I love your blog. Refreshing. All natural. Not forced. No artificial ingredients. Thank you.
JP
Sunday, 16 February, 2014 at 13:10this was brilliant. thank you.
Jehn
Tuesday, 18 February, 2014 at 10:43I have one too. She’s now 7. She has settled a bit, or perhaps I’ve just accepted her for who she is… Either way, together we have learned to manage the crazy. Here’s the upside: She is smart. Oh em gee, is she smart. School comes easy for her. Her report cards are damn near perfect. She reads at above-average levels. She gets 100% on her daily phonogram tests. Her math tests? 100% on those too. Her teacher describes her as a leader. A model student. A great example that she often uses to help direct the other students in her class. (At PTI I practically choke on that since it sounds nothing like MY kid!!) She doesn’t tolerate bullying. She gets rewarded regularly for doing nice things. She is very organized. She spent this last weekend Youtube-ing new Rainbow Loom patterns and creating them with her step sister. I could not possibly be any more proud of her. I truly believe she is growing into the type of person who can change the world. She has been a hell of a challenge to raise to date, but she has taught me so much about myself. We have both grown up a lot in her 7.5 years of life. I love your sense of humour and your honesty. You’ve described my kid, and you’re on the right path. You see the upside to a kid like her. Keep up the good work, mama.
Meagan Howes
Monday, 10 March, 2014 at 20:14Ok I’m official bonkers at 35 weeks pregnant with kid 3 (boy, girl, girl). In no time I went from laughing so hard I could pee to crying hysterically when I got to the “cuggling” part of this. I think I needed both though.
Charlie
Sunday, 6 April, 2014 at 0:50Yup, describes my 2yr old boy perfectly. Except one difference. My boy is still not talking properly and I am thankful for that. Random outbursts of ear-shattering noise are commonplace in public (not that it’s allowed). His favorite trick, drop to all fours, smack his forehead and scream his head off. Another favorite is the ‘stop and drop’ where he simply goes completely limp and ends up on the floor. If I happen to be holding his hand at the time (which I always do) it’s kind of like dragging a sack of potatoes around. and then goes completely limp whilst screaming his head off.
Nicole
Monday, 19 May, 2014 at 12:59I could have written this post myself about my fourth kid, from the part about making an eight-year-old sibling chase after him to that photo of the Safeway stickers running down the leg. Thanks for making me laugh and realize I’m not the only one who parents and feels this way (and for showing me I’m not the only one in the Sac area with four OMG ARE THEY ALL YOURS?! kids).
rduk
Monday, 26 May, 2014 at 0:25Sitting watching my 6&8 yr old boys play Bin Weevils while I discover your blog for the first time. The 8 yr old is generally thoughtful and calm and sensitive and aims to please. The 6 year old is a lunatic clown. Separate they are mostly delightful. Together they are generally totally out of control but love each other completely. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve had the car park debrief…”I am so disappointed with your behaviour” after an ill advised trip to a supermarket where they have yet again acted like total hellions. The most memorable ended with them crawling around the shop on hands and knees pretending to be dogs. It doesn’t seem to make the slightest difference what agreements we come to before entering the shop about what constitutes acceptable behaviour, there is something about that particular environment that triggers some primal parent shaming switch in their brains.
I.
I literally have no idea what goes on in my 6 year old’s head. Yesterday he suddenly announced “imagine if humans weren’t killed by lava…” in the middle of me trying to talk to him about something else entirely. He exists in a planetary bubble that the rest of us struggle to enter, but is the child his teachers vote Mr Happy as he makes everyone smile. This parenting business is a wonderful messy experiment and I thank God I’m surrounded by a bunch of friends who realise that there are no rules and
rduk
Monday, 26 May, 2014 at 0:26…join us in the confusion and joy.
Stacy
Friday, 13 June, 2014 at 10:36OMG! This is my daughter! My one & only (cause I don’t think I could handle another strong-willed child) and her poor daddy that has his handsfull with us – I’m positive I don’t know where she gets it from 🙂
Heather
Tuesday, 17 June, 2014 at 6:17FTR: It was my second. My second showed me that the only thing parenting means is whether or not your child will feel secure in being themselves and living their life to the fullest, NOT whether or not they’re an asshole.
Nicole
Thursday, 19 June, 2014 at 9:33Wow. You pretty much just described my almost two year old son. I always thought I’d have at least two kids, so they would have siblings to grow up with. Then, Dez came along. I think I’ll stick with just one so they don’t have to out me into a mental institution (although it may be nice. No one to take care of, they feed you, you can read or color).
Thank you for describing your experienceso honestly. I was also the person judging the parents of the “out of control” kid. “I would teach my kid more manners. Mine would NEVER act like that”. Haha! I was so wrong, and now I am so humbled. Thank you for also pointing out what a delight your daughter is. Because that is also how Dez is. He is a force and he has brought such pure joy to the people around him. Oh, and I also think it’s very strong of you to not laugh when she’s screaming “I have a penis!”. When changing my son’s diaper recently, he said, “hot penis”, (I’m assuming because he was hot), and I laughed. He says it all the time now. And it’s still hilarious.
hilltown mama
Monday, 28 July, 2014 at 12:21Thank you, thank you thank you for this post! I have one of these children too, and today was a day when I felt like I’ve done it all wrong. And I found out that a close friend (who doesn’t have kids) has been fairly harshly judging us. It hurts so much. But this post made me feel like maybe my difficult, “spirited,” brilliant, funny child is actually okay, and so am I.
Regan
Wednesday, 15 October, 2014 at 16:14OMG, I have a kid just like this. Tantrums, running, flailing, messy, ugh! I sometimes feel like a parenting failure, but like you, my first one was easy. So easy that I thought that people who complained about their bratty kids were just crappy parents. Oh, Karma, you are a wicked witch.
Elaine B
Sunday, 9 November, 2014 at 20:28my one of these is called Lucy – my girl after my 2 fairly law abiding 2 boys. She is the one who announced to every single stranger we met in Walgreens – ‘Hi, I have an itchy butt, we are getting medicine for my itchy butt’. And the same kiddo who strangers are always saying to me ‘oh you’re Lucy’s mum – shes a card that one!’, as she has apparently introduced herself when walking home from KG with her older brothers. She does not stop talking EVER and will always make me give an opinion on something and then chose the opposite.
Kerri Paquette
Saturday, 20 December, 2014 at 7:34Be thankful you only have one. I have a set of identical twin girls that were exactly the same…well if above is the worst it got, then they were worse!! I already had 4 and I thought my second gave me a run for my money, but there was only one Little did I know they were “practice” for special needs foster twin boys that came into my care on their 2nd birthday! But it was worth all the effort & love! My twins are now 14 & amazing! They are still high energy & “crazy”. The foster twins moved on after being with us for almost 4 years. The boys were tested just before they moved on & were within “normal” levels. We were told this would never happen due to their significant delays (they were infant like when they came into our care). Lots of love can do amazing things!
Emily
Friday, 16 January, 2015 at 14:26Just re-reading old posts and realizing we have a Georgia and we call her Ellery. She’s the first, also. :.) Even down to the pictures–she loves Mater, dinosaurs, and sticker-based body coverings.
Mel
Sunday, 15 February, 2015 at 14:29I think the acdc top alone, makes you a great parent. Where’d you get it, by the way??
Jo clark
Wednesday, 17 June, 2015 at 2:55Haha this was me as a child. I turned out pretty awesome. I still do pretty much all those things. Brake out in dance and have what my friends call the mischievous grin.they know I am up to no good hahaha.
heather
Wednesday, 29 July, 2015 at 17:41um how. How do you get your kid to use good manners and not act like sullen 13 year olds about it even though they are still only 6.5 and still have rounded cheeks, elbows, and knees?
Katheryn Ann Cantrell
Tuesday, 25 August, 2015 at 13:10O my dear god I’ve been looking for someone to be so fucking annoyed with their kid as I do right now while I sit here and ball like a lil bitch! My almost three yr old screams bloody fucking murder all the god dang time for no reason. You have really helped thank u
nerdmom
Thursday, 17 September, 2015 at 21:23Our 4yr old loves to point his ass at us like a loaded gun and fart right in our face my husband gets the worst of it as he literally sits on his face and farts! He’s also a screamer every time he doesn’t get his way he totally looses his shit! Whether it’s a T.V.show he didn’t get to see or YouTube freezing up trouble with video game etc.
veni
Tuesday, 3 May, 2016 at 11:08we have one, his name is Light.. they just kicked him out from class, a toddler class.. they say he disturbs the other behave children.. he loves the games and the singing.. but whenever the teacher says its behave time or she is discussing something.. she let Light out of the room because he runs arround, sings out loud and plays with other kids.. by the way he is 3 .. i dont know why imsaying this here.. i dont like it that he is singled out because the other kids just stay put and do what the teacher says to the kids… our kids doesnt have adhd, we just raised him … free ranged.. i guess thats the word for it… hehe..
L Stone
Tuesday, 31 May, 2016 at 14:22It’s definitely just who your daughter is. Mine is a carbon copy of yours except she is #4. My #3, also a girl, would regularly say at 3: “I would never do that Mommy”. My first, now a 14 y.o. girl, was just like this but with not as many outside influences. Also, I just thought I was doing something wrong. My 2nd was a boy and besides screaming when he was little, I chalked it up to “boys are different”. Not until I had my 3rd, “the rule follower”, did I realize that it was just who they are my oldest and youngest. Except, I do think that the older kids can’t help but have some effect on them, but only if they naturally have this personality type. Thank you for making me feel sane again after an embarassing moment. I loved reading this!
Delphine arnault
Thursday, 11 August, 2016 at 17:16I have one too!she s five and she s nuts!she makes me laugh, cry, worry…etc, she is intense with everything,she intimidates adults with her confidence. I have been and still are being judged constantly by people, I get evil looks sometimes,but she s also taught me to enjoy life,laugh more and forget these silly boring rules now and again.
She s determined to live a fulfilling life and has reminded me to not take things so seriously.Now at five she cooperates a little more as long as I give her the freedom she needs. she s my teacher.
Us grown up we think we know everything, but these kids know something we have forgotten, and that is living life to the full,let s listen to them!!!
I feel way older now and tired!but I wouldn’t change it for the world.These little shitheads follow their first instincts and are determined not to let anyone condition them and take their freedom!that s what makes them so special.
They need love and connection.
They re wonderful little shitheads.
Julie
Monday, 14 November, 2016 at 19:39Meet Cameron! Holy terror or angel I’m not entirely sure and you’ve just described him to a T. I don’t bother chasing him anymore. Fuck those people who look at me funny they can reel him in.
Amaymay
Wednesday, 19 July, 2017 at 9:05WOWWWWW!!!! I realize that this post is old as hell, but I couldn’t stop smiling as I read this story as well as several of the comments! My mom used the words “strong willed child” while referring to my daughter before she was even 6 mos.old. I didn’t quite get it at first, but now I know that I’m in for the roller coaster ride of my life and I couldn’t be more excited!… I think. Lol.
Don’t get me wrong, when she kindly “reminded” me that we needed to get HER some more dog food while we were grocery shopping at Walmart, I wanted to just disappear! I had to look about 4 elderly ladies in the eye while giving them the “ha ha kids, whaddaya gonna do???” look and feel their eyes burning a hole through the back of my shirt as they were trying to figure out if they were totally offended or truly concerned! Then there are the countless times I’ve had to leave my sh*t (at the end of the shopping trip after being there for an hour and only 7 things left on my list) with the closest employee on my way out that I’m SO SORRY but I have to leave RIGHT NOW and I don’t see a prompt return in my near future because I refuse to subject other people to my child’s Academy Award nomination in the tantrum / meltdown category.
This “parenting thing” is absolutely the hardest, most rewarding, terrifying, and humbling job there ever was and all I have left to say is considering all the people that have the “same identical child” at home, I’m not sure if I’m excited for what our future holds or scared as a MF!! ???? ????
Julie
Monday, 4 September, 2017 at 7:21I just stumbled upon this post upon me having yet another trying day with my almost 4yo spirited daughter. She was like this from the moment she was born and has been my tornado ever since. I have just had daughter #2 now 5mths and wow she is the most chilled out baby that literally slept all night from 12 weeks. My first daughter never ever slept ever and literally screamed the entire house down every night and was and still is a hand full. She really knows how to press my buttons but is so determined to dance to the own beat of her drum that parenting her is like a suicide mission. She had ramped it up since the baby has been born and I am at my wits end. She really is the light and life of the party and days the most funniest things, she is just so clever and creative. But boy is she determine, stubborn , perseveres like no other and a friggin negotiator on every SINGLE thing that I try to say no too. I am sure she will grow up to be a great adult, but how do we all get here without losing our sanity?.?.?.?
Nina
Thursday, 19 September, 2019 at 14:07Found this gem when I googled “Is it my fault my kids are nuts”. I laughed and cried. Thank you. I needed this today. Sharing it on FB for all of my friends who need a reminder.