What I learned this week…Vegans hate me. I have no idea why.

by renegademama

 

  1. Last night we were out to dinner and I asked Mac what he was ordering. He answered “Well, I was going to ask if the waitress would stab me in the eye with a fork.”
  2. So that was fun. We were in excellent company (my brother, sister-in-law, their kids, and my mom), but there were 6 children between the two families, which is a really upsetting adult-to-kid ratio.
  3. Speaking of insane, at least one of my kids has been sick each day for the past five weeks. No really. I’m not kidding. One kid gets sick then the next then the next, then we start over. I HATE SNOT. And fevers. And I’m pretty sure I’m never going to sleep again. I’m thinking perhaps I should get a little more adamant about that whole hand-washing thing. Or maybe they should all be locked in small rooms until flu season passes. If only that were legal.
  4. Yesterday in the mall I heard a teenage girl about 16 years old tell her friend, after a group of African American teenagers walked into the store, “There are black people in here. Let’s get out of this place.” And I shot my head around at her with my jaw agape and my eyes burning into her skull, struck by the hatred and blatant racism, wondering what sort of messages that girl must receive at home to be so backward at such a young age. It was jarring and I haven’t gotten it out of my head since.
  5. How does that shit still exist? HOW?
  6. On a happier note, Ava told me this morning that she thinks Justin Beiber got big “because all the other pop stars were off doing drugs.” I don’t really know what that means but I think I like it.
  7.  I get un-followed by like 5 people a day on Twitter. Luckily I get followed by about 5-7 porn spammers daily, so the numbers pretty much even out.
  8. I already feel myself coming out of my annual February downward spiral (aka The Month I Regret Everything and Feel Superbly Sorry For Myself). So that doesn’t suck.
  9. I read the other day that California is the most hated state in the nation. Now that’s a little harsh. Don’t you think? I mean what about Iowa. People in Iowa are always up to something. Crafty little bastards.
  10. Okay I know nothing about Iowa. I just figured I’d make fun of what appears to be the most innocuous state EVER to demonstrate how weird it is to “hate” a state.
  11. In conclusion (remember writing THAT in your 5-paragraph essays in junior high?), I’d like to share with you the following conversation, which occurred recently during one of my classes. I shared this on my personal FB, so forgive the redundancy, but I recently pissed off YET ANOTHER Vegan, so I figured I’d share it again…since clearly it’s still relevant.

 Me, to a woman in my class: “Nice boots.”

Woman: “Thanks, got ‘em in a thrift store. Super stoked because they aren’t leather, and I don’t wear animal products. I’m a Vegan.”

Me: “Then I guess I shouldn’t tell you my husband is a butcher at his family’s slaughterhouse.”

Woman: Silent. Dumbstruck.

Me: “I have no idea what’s wrong with me.”

*******

Happy week all!

******

Poor little guy fell asleep like this, listening to Jimi Hendrix (his favorite CD).

9 Comments | Posted in .....I make bad decisions..., weeks of mayhem | February 26, 2012
  • Margaret

    Awesome post, as usual-last bit made me laugh out loud.

  • Tela

    another reason to move to iowa! people will think i’m crafty, not creepy!

  • Shan

    I *love* your convo with the vegan. I have similar results with my conversations quite often. Unfortunately, not exactly what I’m going for, but whatever.

  • Mariah

    Hey now! Careful what you say about Iowans. 😉 That’s where I grew up.

  • Mandy

    I love the same silent, dumbstruck look I get when I tell people my father is a taxidermist!

  • Nessa@CasaBraaflat

    the adult to kid ratio at restaurants is very important. thank you for bringing it to light! 😉

  • Amy

    I just found your blog and I LOVE it!

    I have something wrong with me too. I just randomly say shit that leaves people staring at me.

    We had a guy come give us and estimate on how much it would be to get new windows. I was telling him I had checked the BBB and that their company had a few complaints, but not thing too bad.

    I said “There wasn’t anything too bad. It’s not like someone said they broke into my house and raped my dog.”

    (cue awkward silence)

  • Anna

    “Poor little guy fell asleep like this, listening to Jimi Hendrix (his favorite CD).” And on a leather ottoman, no less. Heh.

  • Bonnie

    I’m a vegan, but I love you 😀