I don’t really remember this week, but I do remember two people very clearly…

by Janelle Hanchett


  1. The problem with writing these posts on Sunday is that I really can’t remember what I did on Monday or Tuesday or, come to think of it, Wednesday through Friday. So I sit down and reflect and all I get is “I did busy stuff, like I do every week.”
  2. A few moments always stand out, however, like one I had at the gym a few days ago. I was on the elliptical alongside my friend and we were chatting (which so vastly improves cardio workouts), and suddenly this angry-looking female on my right taps my arm. “Will you lower your voice, please?” She said it with a glare and a really disgusted voice. My initial thought was “fuck you Satan,” but I didn’t say that for fear of getting kicked out of the gym. So I stared for a moment too long and mumbled “whatever,” then proceeded to increase my voice level at least two octaves.
  3. This is bad behavior. I would get mad at my kids for such behavior. But she was JUST SUCH A BITCH. She glared at me for the duration of my workout. My friend (being significantly more reasonable than her companion), suggested we relocate. But I didn’t want to. That would ruin it.
  4. Next time I’m going to ask myself WWJD? and turn the other cheek.
  5. Speaking of assholes (the woman, not Jesus), I’m gearing up to write a blog post about what turns kids into bullies. In the past two weeks both my kids have been subjected to horrible bastard children (Ava has been straight sexually harassed at school – don’t worry. I REGULATED), and I’ve really started wondering what it is that turns kids toward that kind of behavior. I mean my kids are annoying, and often misbehave, but they are not MEAN. They are very, very far from mean. Ya feel me? Totally different deal.
  6. Have you ever noticed men don’t use windshield wipers? I find that odd. I always have to tell my husband “dude. Water all over windshield. WIPERS.” I thought it was just my husband, but via a friend’s FB post, I have since learned it’s like a male species problem.
  7. We currently have two cats, two guinea pigs and a dog. How the hell did that happen? It’s like a fucking menagerie in here. Damn cute furry things. Get me every time.
  8. Yesterday I was assaulted by a childless judgmental female wonder. Our conversation went something like this:

Childless wonder: “Hi Janelle, I remember you from grad school last year.”

Me: “Oh, hi!”

[Bunch of banter about whatever, leading to this]:

Me: “Well I have three kids so I’m super busy and tired. Plus I’m still in grad school and I work part-time as a consultant.”

Childless wonder: “Wow, three kids?! That’s a lot.”

Me: “Yes. Yes it is.”

Childless wonder: “What does your husband do?”

Me: “He’s an ironworker and he works on his father’s ranch.”

Childless wonder, with fifteen layers of insinuated judgment: “And you can afford all those kids?”

[And here I begin realizing I’m talking to a smelly pirate hooker.]

Me: “Well, yes, sort of. I mean, we eat and wear clothes and stuff.”

Childless wonder: “Huh, yes. But sending all three of them to college will be difficult. You aren’t having any more are you?”

Me, with palpable sarcasm and disdain: “Yes, yes we are. We are having as many kids as possible. You see, the more kids we have the more we get from the government in the form of welfare and food stamps and medical care. My goal is ten.

And then I walked away.

Next time, I will ask myself WWJD? and turn the other cheek.

But she was JUST SUCH A BITCH.


Here’s a picture of one of the kids I [apparently] can’t afford. He probably would have behaved better. No, for sure he would have. When the bar is low, success is pretty easy.

14 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | April 15, 2012
  • Stephanie

    I’m going to have to fly out there and kick her ass. Who does that?! Seriously!

  • Marisa

    R-U-D-E! Ummm, like it’s anyone’s business how many children you may plan to have. I probably would have said something similar…or wanted to but didn’t think of it until 10 minutes later.

    My hubby doesn’t turn the wipers on either! I lean over and turn them on. I think he hates that.

  • Kristi

    Sweet Jesus, Janelle! I can’t believe that someone would say that! What a nimrod, but good response!
    About the windshield wipers, I’m still trying to come up with a solution. After surveying several men, it seems to be the sound that they dislike. Still…

  • luella

    sorry about all the rude bitches…
    i wanted to add though, that my husband overuses the damn windshield wipers. he turns them on, and then when it has CLEARLY STOPPED RAINING AND THEY ARE MAKING THAT HORRIBLE SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK, he just leaves them on. indefinitely. until i reach over and turn them off.
    so, i don’t know how that factors into the situation.

  • Michael Ann

    Seriously? I’m with Stephanie, who does that? Wow. Seriously? I admire how you handled it quite frankly. I would be too nice, and WHY? Why should I care about being polite to someone who clearly is not being polite to me? Good for you!

  • Jennifer

    OMG. I love you.

    And my husband doesn’t use windshield wipers either. Is that really a man thing? So irritating.

  • kim

    Just so we’re clear, I was 100% certain that the J in WWJD stood for Janelle. Which makes sense since I frequently ask myself the same question.

  • ross

    I use my wipers…I hate rain!

  • Kimmie

    Thank you for the giggles on my Monday morning. Maybe this week you’ll be free from the idiocy of others!!!

  • Paige

    1. Todd doesn’t use wipers very much either. Definitely a male thing.
    2. If I’m at the gym and someone is speaking too loudly for my comfort, I turn up my headphones and jam the fuck out to some dubstep. Or get closer and see if I can eavesdrop on something juicy.
    3. Your kids are wonderful. And they’ll find a way to go to college (if they want to). Like scholarships. Or working part time. Or selling handmade goodies. Bitches be steppin’.
    4. Wonderful seeing you yesterday 🙂

  • Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks

    I find that pretty much everyone, from our best friends to random people we knew a decade ago, speaks from their own perspective, which can often serve to ruin the tone of a conversation. This woman asked you if you could afford three children, because she knows she quite clearly can’t. She asked you if you will be able to send them to college, because for her, the fear of skyrocketing college prices far outweighs the option to have any/more kids. I’m quite sure she came across as being bitchy (I’ve been on the receiving end of those conversations far too often), but my guess is she was just trying to have a conversation and that was the only way she could relate to you (I’ve been on the giving end, too. Sigh).

  • Carrera

    Since when did you have to be quiet in the gym? It’s a gym, not a library.

    Also, I can’t get over how adorable your kids are. You should put them in modelling, that way you’ll be making money off them and no one will ever ask how you can afford 3 kids again. Everybody wins! 😛

  • Karen

    Goin through the same thing here with my son in fifth grade and the little jerks that surround him, what the heck are parents doing anyway? Are they purposely creating bullies?? And no my husband doesn’t believe in using wipers or cleaning the windshield.

  • tisha

    my husband totally underuses the wipers too and it drives me nuts. he waits for the windshield to be *covered* in drops before he turns it on intermittant. it has to be straight torrential before he turns on the low consistent level. wtf???