This week…profanity, Fubu, bunnies. Whatever.

by Janelle Hanchett


  1. In 11 days I take my exam. That is why you haven’t seen much of me, and you haven’t seen any FTM Friday posts. I apologize for my flakiness. It’s not that the love is missing. It’s that there are only so many times you can neglect real life for the sake of fucking lip balm. Hand salve may be another story.
  2. But I will return, lovers. I will. And it will be good. Actually I already know what I’m doing next Friday: face wash. HoldOntoYourSeats.
  3.  Anyhoo, my birthday was amazing. As I was kicking and screaming and weeping my way through Victorian literature at Starbucks, shooting death glares at the asshole next to me who wouldn’t stop jabbering on his cellphone (because come on dude, this a public place, you have no right to use it however you see fit! Only as I SEE FIT. Why isn’t the world clear on that by now?), my husband calls me and says “wanna have lunch?” and I’m all “What? Aren’t you at work (an hour or 2 away)?” and he’s all “I got off early.” So he swings by and we eat lunch at a place we’ve been eating at for 13 years.
  4. Holy fuck that’s a long time. Then we went to my mom’s and she made me my favorite dinner, the one she’s been making me since I was a little girl. (Yes, I’m 34 and I still go to my mom’s house for my birthday dinner. WHAT?) And just like when I was a little girl, I looked forward to it all day, my mom’s cooking. Fried pork chops, rice, and gravy (that will change your life).
  5. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m that person for 3 little people. They think that about my spaghetti.
    Nobody makes it like you, mom. And my heart flips because I get it, and it’s true, and nobody can be my mom making that meal, and nobody will do it just right and nobody will make all of life feel all right, by being her and cooking food. What a love we’ve got.
  6. And the day after my bday (you feelin’ the love yet?) the female love of my life and I went to Berkeley and hung out all day, just the two of us. We spent 2 hours eating Indian food and more hours buying crap we don’t need (including about 12,000 things from “Daiso,” the Japanese dollar store). But clearly the best part was her trying on a Fubu jeans onesie. AND ROCKIN’ IT. (photo below.)
  7. Anyway so then it was Easter. Wait. Today is Easter. We did virtually nothing today. It was way better than last year. We visited my brother and his family. We did an egg hunt yesterday for an hour, in street clothes. Today I dressed my kids in Easter garb for literally twenty-four minutes, long enough to take some damn pictures and move on.
  8. Oh come on. You know you do it…take pictures so you have photographic evidence that all important holidays were celebrated and as a mother, you supported important bonding moments. (So don’t blame me your inner child is all crushed or whatever the hell it is you tell your shrink. We had Easter! We were a good family GODDAMNIT!)
  9. Okay there’s something wrong with me. Let’s move on to another subject. If you’re bored, you can read an article I wrote over at Allparenting on Victoria’s Secret and its efforts to EAT OUR YOUNG or, even more depressing, you can read about how I instilled in my oldest child a horrible temper. Yay!
  10. While driving home the other day, my 2-year-old informed me that she wanted to “pop some tags.” Yes, as in the Macklemore song “Thrift Shop.” Yes, the one that has about twelve swear words in it. Parenting win? I think soooo…..
  11. And, in totally unrelated news, Rocket came bounding into the living room two days ago yelling “The ‘fucking awesome’ song is on!!!!”

So we’re not listening to Macklemore anymore.

I mean goodness, we could have had company over.

“Whatcha know about rockin’ a wolf on your noggin’?”

I need some rest.

Georgie has been wearing a cape and mask for 4 days. So she wins at life.

Boom. Easter. Done.

The word you're looking for is "HAWT."

The word you’re looking for is “HAWT.”

The boy and I went to all-you-can-eat-sushi. It was amazing.

The boy and I went to all-you-can-eat-sushi. It was amazing.




She tried guacamole. She loves guacamole.



17 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | March 31, 2013
  • Abi

    My 4 year old also loves that song. Today he told me that his aunt is fuckin awesome. My husband and I told him that he was right but that he should use another word… And then we discussed the merit of buying radio edited songs, whitewashing things and not having the language talk with his preschool teacher. We didn’t come to any conclusions.

  • Lisa

    Go ‘head babe, “pop some tags” – just let them hear the PG version. . .

    Love the pic of Georgia with the basket – looks so much like you!!!

    “Whatcha know about rockin’ a wolf on your noggin’?” A leetle LOL. . .

  • Tara

    We had this cd of Like a Version which is a kick ass radio segment in Australia that gets musicians to perform songs of other musicians and it had this country/folk version of a very popular rap song.

    It was an interesting conversation with my 6yo son, trying to explain that he couldn’t sing his favourite song at school EVER

    “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one…”

  • Stephanie

    This sort of makes me feel a little guilty about cooking now. I think I’ll have to step it up a little.

    You’re going to do FINE on your comps. I swear.

  • leslie

    My kids and I LOVE that song – I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one who sings it with her smalls 🙂 Good luck with the comps!

  • Marisa

    Can’t wait to hear the good news about your exam!

  • jackie

    haha, i read your articles and while they were awesome, and super well-written, there was one “hell” in their that just NEEDED to be a “fuck” lol! Good writing, I’m so glad you are getting mainstream recognition so you can get more of it, get more money, be less stressed and focus on dominating the world of parenting advice and solving all my problems with other mothers. As always, thanks for making my world better today.

  • Heather

    You are going to do great on your exams, and it sounds to me like the BEST Easter EVER!…I wish more holidays were spent literally doing NOTHING! The pressure of having to go everywhere and see everyone and do a bunch of stuff becomes overwhelming. And….Georgie ROCKS that cape and mask! Definite WIN AT LIFE!! cutie head…

  • Mel

    Every single picture in this post fills me with joy. And EVERYBODY does the staged photo thing. I once took one of my daughter to send to a friend of my mum’s to show that ‘yes we received the porcelain doll; yes she loves it’. My daughter was 5 months old.

  • jill (mrs chaos)

    Pretty sure Macklemore taught all the children all the bad words. I think I’ve just accepted it. I think.

  • CLG

    I should have bought it…CURSES!!!

  • Sarah @

    Oh my goodness, I have completely given up on even the staged holiday pictures.

    I’m fucked when the kids get to therapy.

  • MVP

    We don’t listen to the radio version. We sing it loud. I just constantly remind that if the words come out at school or church or in front of any other adult ever, it’s all Disney music from here on out. Parenting – you’re doing it right.

  • Caryl

    1) Mom food is the best. That’s one of the things I miss most. So scarf it up. And more than once a year.
    2) Hawt. Totally.
    3) When Bruno Mars’ “Licked out of heaven” comes on the radio, or whatever, the 4 year old screams, THAT’S MY SONG, MOM! Turn it UP! Then sings All. The. Words.



    PS late, but I hope you did well on your test

  • Caryl

    Licked? Locked? WTF?

  • Kristin

    I’m new to your blog…
    Love your writing….and I am only a few post’s in!
    We could be friends for sure.
    And…I’m 34 and I still go to my moms for my birthday dinner. No one makes Taco’s like my mom!!

  • Melinda

    LOVE your blog! I relate on some many levels! I gave my kids a license to hear the bad words and then expanded it so that they can sing all of the lyrics to thrift shop, in the car only with me. They seem to get it!