This week…I am 33 and still sarcastic.

by Janelle Hanchett


  1. On Tuesday night, Rocket dislocated Georgia’s elbow by “helping” her do a “handstand.” Thankfully the doctor just popped it back in but ohmygod the crying and agony she went through. How do people hurt children? I cannot understand it.
  2. An hour into it I felt drained and exhausted and paralyzed with powerlessness and I would have done ANYTHING to stop that little one from hurting. I just don’t get how a person could inflict suffering on a kid, purposely. Repeatedly. Do they not feel the misery I did? And if they do, how the hell do they live with themselves?
  3. On a happier note, on Wednesday I turned 33 and my family threw me a little surprise party. My brother and his family drove 2 hours to be there. A couple of my closest friends were there. I was struck by the love.
  4. On Wednesday night Georgia got sick AGAIN and has had a fever for FOUR FUCKING DAYS. We’re taking her to the same urgent care we were at on Tuesday. They’re gonna call CPS.
  5. Yesterday I spent 14 (that’s right. FOURTEEN) hours grading midterm essay exams. As long as I live I will never use the words “therefore,” “clearly,” or “significant” again.
  6. Clearly, I’m full of shit.
  7. Speaking of “full of shit,” I’m really serious that we need a sarcasm font. Let’s all agree on one (and by “all” I mean “humanity”). That way the fucktards who read my writing and get their panties all knotted up thinking I’m serious will have access to that fun little thing we call “a sense of humor.”
  8. Have you ever noticed that people who don’t have kids are by far the most judgmental of those of us who do? I think that’s weird. I mean when I haven’t done something I realize I haven’t done that thing. WOW. Deep. And therefore, my opinion arises out of speculation, not experience, and as such, it doesn’t hold much weight. Though I may share it with my friends when nobody’s looking, I SURE AS HELL wouldn’t bestow my uninformed opinion upon somebody who has actually done the thing in question. [mostly for fear of looking like an ass.] That would be like me telling a person how to raise twins, or Mac how to be an ironworker…”Honey, you’re holding your welder incorrectly…” (is it actually called a “welder?”) or him telling me how to have a baby “oh sweetheart, you’re pushing all wrong. Let me tell ya how it’s done.” Insane I say. Insane.
  9. Damnit. Also used “therefore.”
  10. So if my baby doesn’t get better in the next 5 hours I’m going to turn myself into CPS for some sort of vacation. (that was sarcastic.)

By the way, I just gotta tell you readers that I think you’re amazing. I’m serious. I write a post and then I get these freaking incredible comments that say it better than I did. And then, when some psycho comments, we all rally around and cyber-kick their ass.

We are BFFs. We are. Can’t be helped.

Check out the pillow Ava made me for my birthday. It’s a “sleeping” pillow that you hang from the door. One side says “Welcome,” the other side says this:

The kid gets me.

Have a great week, everybody.

4 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized | April 1, 2012
  • Molly

    Love it! I, too, have considered turning myself in to CPS just to get a break (JOKINGLY, of course!). And I also don’t understand how people can purposely hit their kids. I cried longer than my 1-year-old when he had to have a blood draw. (Like, he stopped crying when it was done and I was still whimpering a good 8 hours later.) Love your blog.

  • Stephanie

    Handstands are never a good idea. And is she taking orders for those pillows?

  • Stephanie

    Oh, and Happy Birthday! Duh.

  • Bek

    Love the blog! On the sarcasm font, I remember reading a while backs somewhere about the idea of a backwards italics to indicate sarcasm. Obviously they would be have to be called sarcastics…