This week…drowsy tweaking, more parenting confusion.

by Janelle Hanchett


  1. My car is so disgusting I’m almost embarrassed. Almost, because I don’t really give a shit. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have lost even the appearance of sanity, control, or organization.
  2. I’ve also accepted that I am no longer cool and will pretty much never be, so the fact that kid clothes, board books, sippy cups and goggles quite often fall out of my car when I open the back door…yeah, that doesn’t really bother me. Sometimes, I just leave the crap on the ground and drive off. (no of course I don’t do that. that would be LITTERING.)
  3. Being sick is the single most effective way to appreciate one’s health. I’ve been going back and forth between raging allergies and a head-cold. Both are equally annoying, but since I’m never totally sure which one it is that’s destroying my life, I take all the medicines I have to treat both conditions. This, of course, leaves me feeling like a drowsy tweaker.
  4. There may have been a time in my life when “drowsy tweaker” sounded appealing, but NOW IS NOT THAT TIME. I want my health back because these children have never gotten the memo that sick people are supposed to be left in peace to rest and heal.
  5. The toddler currently eats strawberries and beef. And that’s pretty much it.
  6. Yesterday I glanced at my 10-year-old and I saw the beauty of a young woman, just for a flash, and my head almost spun around like that chick in The Exorcist.
  7. Still going strong without the T.V. Ultimately it has been so much easier for me because the kids have learned to play together, by themselves – entertain themselves – (read: leaving me alone a lot more often). They are presently building a fort in the front room. I’m in the living room writing this. Occasionally I have to sneak in and “steal their baby” out of their fort and hide it, so they can then “pack provisions” and “go into the wilderness” to find the baby that got stolen (and I hid).
  8.  I promise I’ll stop talking about the T.V. thing. I’m probably being pretty annoying about it. Sorry. Just still trippin’ out by it. I’ll get over it.
  9. There continue to be elements of parenting that baffle the hell out of me – horrible, complex, apparently unsolvable dilemmas. And yet, we are just expected to live with them. For example, what the fuck are you supposed to do with the fucking fascinating water dispenser? Get rid of it? Nope. The tap water tastes like ass. Push the trash can in front of it? Brilliant! Until she learns to, um, push it away. Remove all cups from the house so she can’t get her own “wa-wa?” No matter, she’s just as happy filling plates, toys, or the tray at the bottom of the dispenser. Or her hands, or nothing.
  10. So what do you do? You deal with it. You deal with spilled water in nearly every corner of the house and a wet toddler pretty much always and kids constantly slipping on the linoleum because Georgia spilled water out of the dispenser and the mother is too lame to figure out a solution. Right? That’s what you do, right? Or am I missing something?

Drowsy tweaker out.

P.S. I want an Iphone so I can use Instagram. That thing is fuunnnn. Here’s some things we did this week, looking cooler because it’s on Instagram (husband has an Iphone).

Ava rode Mac's horse on her grandparent's ranch. The horse is "Major Ben."

so did Rocket

And Mac and my brother suddenly started using the slip-n-slide (notice full clothing)



15 Comments | Posted in weeks of mayhem | June 4, 2012
  • Shel

    Girl we so need to hang out and drink a bottle of wine, I swear we were twins seperated at birth…maybe, a possibility? Check with your mom LOL

    • renegademama

      Could totally be a possibility. I’ll ask my mom. 🙂

  • Brandon

    I love solving problems. What does this water dispenser look like? Is it just like a faucet or for a pet or something? I’m intrigued.

    • renegademama

      It’s an Alhambra water cooler. I realize I gave an incredibly cryptic explanation in the post. It’s just one of those stand-alone water coolers/dispensers.

      And it’s MY NEMESIS.

      Except for the flowing deliciousness it provides me.

    • renegademama

      Also, BG, if the water-spout thing Kim mentioned below doesn’t work, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and figure this shit out….mmmmkay?

  • Jessica

    If you’re talking about the water dispenser on the fridge, I totally feel your irritation.

    • renegademama

      Okay so my friend has one of those and twin toddlers and a 6 year old. You know what she did? She took 2 pieces of cardboard and duct-taped them over the square in the fridge that houses the water dispenser.

      You can see why we’re friends.

  • kim

    Is the water coming from the refrigerator door? Because those usually have a button you can press to child lock it. Or is it one of those huge Alhambra water dispensers? Because those, too, can be outfitted with a fancy spout with a child lock.

    I’m sure neither of these apply, but I’m throwing them out just in case 🙂 love ya!

    • renegademama

      Oh no, THEY APPLY. It’s a stand-alone cooler. I’m about to Google child-lock spout.

      This is why I love my blog. Y’all help me, the retard.

      I shouldn’t say that word. It offends people. Oops.

  • Marisa

    I’m with Kim, there’s got to be a child proof lock in either case. I hope.

    You mentioned your little one was still nursing, right? So strawberries, beef and boob juice. Boob juice has all the extras she’s missing.

    • renegademama

      boob juice. awesome. and you’re right. It’s one of the reasons breastfeeding equals LESS stress. babies can eat pretty much nothing and still thrive. love that.

      when i was a baby/toddler I was allergic to pretty much everything (dairy, wheat, citrus and soy) so I subsisted almost entirely on breast milk. until I was FOUR. my mom is amazing, for obvious reasons.

      • Marisa

        I had to BF my child almost exclusively for gag reflex issues up to 18 months. After that, still quite a bit until she was 2.5. I don’t think I could have kept up that pace much longer. Your mom is amazing!

  • Merry Welker-Tolla

    Re: water cooler…
    They sell these childproof adapters for really cheap at water stores. You have to squeeze and push down at the same time. It baffles adults for the first few times. Worked for us! Then we moved to a place where the tap water is better than Evian. 😉 I’m in awe of your no TV lifestyle. It is both my best friend and my arch nemesis. I tell myself that I keep it around so that the kids can learn moderation. 😛 whatever. XOXO
    P.S. doin’ pretty good here. But I really do miss you.

    • Brandon

      As always Amazon holds to solutions to all of life’s problems