- You know what’s weird? Practically every time I go anywhere with a group of mothers I don’t know (GOD HELP US ALL), I end up saying something that offends somebody, at least once. It’s like a disease. The worst part is I think I’m being funny, and yet I get this look like “somebody should kill you in your sleep and give your kids to anybody else in the world.”
- On a similar note, yesterday at a friend’s baby shower Ava asked me if I would please stop flailing my arms in a particular manner she found offensive. So I ask “Why? Am I embarrassing you?” She responds with a smirk “No, you’re embarrassing yourself.” And she kinda raises her eyebrows like “whatcha gonna say to that?” And of course I had nothing.
- She’s my best shit-talking student. I’m so proud. Her sarcasm skills are developing so nicely.
- The bad news is we’re super broke this Christmas. The good news is we’re super broke this Christmas. Allow me to explain: first, it sucks because we can barely afford gifts for our kids. Second, it rocks because we can only afford gifts for our kids. You know what being broke brings: SIMPLICITY. (And, apparently, alliteration. OMG make it stop.)
- I’m serious. At first I was pretty upset about our bleak financial situation but now I’m kind of okay with it. My friend told me about making body scrubs for people, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t actually do it! (So easy, and so nice. I pinned a bunch of recipes on Pinterest if you’re interested). And there you go. Boom. Everybody’s getting that from me. Simple, people. SIMPLE.
- That’s the plus side, but I can’t bullshit you. I feel pretty broken down right now. I was doing okay after I found out the university cut my financial aid (entirely), but when I found out I have to retake a class next semester because it’s “expired,” I pretty much hit a wall of “fuck this” and “get me outta here.” We’re barely making it and I am so tired of cutting it so close, every single month. Ah, whatever. This is such in inane topic I’m boring myself. I made this decision and now I’ve got to finish, but shit. Part of me just wants to drop out of school and get a job, anywhere doing anything, to end this paycheck-to-paycheck thing. I won’t do it, but my LORD, sometimes it’s hard.
- Do you ever wonder if maybe you’re on the wrong path, because it’s just so hard? Like the “right” path would be easier, or something? Damn. I probably have that exactly wrong.
- Alright. That’s enough. Enough whining.
- On Friday night we heard one of the loves of my life, a beautiful friend named Cara Lyn, a cellist, playing chamber music in a quartet in the Bay Area. We were sitting in the very back row (duh, all three kids were with us), and Georgia was standing on my lap. After the first movement, Georgia yells out, in a very clear, audible voice: “AGAIN!” Everybody erupted in smiles and laughs and clapping. It was one of those moments when babies just fix everything.
- Alright people, tell me I can do this. I can, right?
In the mean time, here’s some pictures from our week. It rained. And since we’re in California, everybody was like “Wait. WHAT IS THIS? It’s as if there’s water, and it’s falling from the SKY?!!”
And they all started driving like drunk ninety-year-olds.
On that happy note, have a great week, all.
LisaSunday, 2 December, 2012 at 21:08
YES to the people of southern CA driving like idiots. I have been meaning to discuss this on my own blog. I just moved to the OC from New Jersey and I am flabbergasted at the reaction to rain here–its not witchcraft falling from the sky FOR THE LOVE. Last month it drizzled on a Thursday and the next day our pumpkin picking expedition was cancelled due to “damp conditions.” Because it rained for three seconds the day before.
People of the OC, put on your closed-toe shoes and venture forth! You shall not perish!
Rebekah CSunday, 2 December, 2012 at 21:50
Don’t you just love little ones? It’s like sometimes they just KNOW how to make everyone remember what really matters in life. Go Georgia!
MelanieSunday, 2 December, 2012 at 22:06
Re #4: Yup, I kinda discovered that too this year. It’s liberating, isn’t it? I found so.
Re #7: I read somewhere one time that the right choice is usually the tough one to make. For some reason it stuck with me.
Thanks for your posts. I really enjoy them because they are so real. Does that make any sense?
CSmithSunday, 2 December, 2012 at 23:25
Sorry you’re having a crappy time of it, I really hope that later, when you have an awesome degree and a great job, you can look back(maybe during your incredible European Christmas vacation)and say, “remember that Christmas when we were so broke, and I thought I would never finish school”. It almost always gets better.
We’re also broke this year, but we just bought a great house, so it’s for a good reason. Although, it’s getting a little depressing that whenever someone asks my 3 yr old what she wants for Christmas, she says in a sad little voice, “Mama says we got a big blue house for Christmas this year”.
KaliMonday, 3 December, 2012 at 3:05
Like Melanie, I agree that the right path is usually the toughest one. Why take the soft option? You’ll only BE soft. At the same time, don’t kill yourself.
I believe that you should listen to your voices – not the ones telling you to chuck in uni, stay at home and lunch with the other ladies, or to join the corporate rat race and wear power suits, but the ones that continually whisper in your heart. They’ll steer you in the right direction.
Now if only I had taken my own advice over the past few years, my path would not have been so damn rocky.
DeeMonday, 3 December, 2012 at 6:57
First, the kids are adorable! #3-My daughter has inherited my wry sense of humor. We even give the same kind of looks. I love that. #7-I am in school too and I feel like I’m too far gone to consider turning back. Nothing left to do but suck it up and finish. Right? Right?
Mom of 5Monday, 3 December, 2012 at 9:00
Honestly I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom here, but it seems that your words always make ME feel better! Just knowing that someone gets it, someone else somewhere is really getting this. I have been in turmoil for the past year about many things, and searching for peace, but the one thing I have realized through it all is that I don’t know Shit about anything. It’s okay though. I think in most cases, it’s better to just say Fuck it! I’m just doing this right now, and whatever happens…happens! It will be okay. It always ends up okay. at some point. You are okay, and you ARE doing the right thing, because what else is there to do!..The husband and I yesterday were sitting outside in our truck in front of the laundromat in the pouring rain waiting for the laundry because my fucking washer broke last week,…( while I have 3 kids home with pink eye because there school is over run with this shit and the kids keep bringing it home…grr) anyway, we were talking about how we are going to get christmas for our kids right now because we are so broke and not sure where the money is coming from,(and BTW, also going on about how sick we are of this) and it hit me…FUCK IT!!! when all else fails, just say FUCK IT! What can I do…nothing! This is one of those “I have no control” situations so okay then…let it be. Your words just put a whole lot of perspective for me, because you are right. No one else needs meaningless crap from us. My kids come first, and getting there meaningless crap, everything else can just wait. Maybe I’ll bake a bunch of stuff and pass it out! I don’t know…whatever! I’m not doing christmas cards either this year because you need a loan just to afford the stamps. :/ anyway…I just wrote a novel it appears, so sorry for that. 🙂 and seriously people…it’s just water!!…
missyMonday, 3 December, 2012 at 17:11
On the plus side, you didn’t mention a thing about grad school deadlines. Either you are way on top of it, or the brokeness is blunting that pain?
PS – you really made body scrub? Seriously?! I haven’t even thought about Christmas gifts yet…or the fact that we are broke, too. yeah. so, uh, thanks. you’re up there with soule mama now. and that’s a compliment. I mean it.
ShanTuesday, 4 December, 2012 at 9:32
1. Word. One time my family took our Chinese exchange students to see the observatory at Mt. Wilson. Happened to arrive about half an hour before people started coming in from a FIFTY (5-0!) mile race. In the restroom I made small talk with one of the racers. So many things wrong with that statement and I haven’t even got to the part where she said she had to quit after 30 miles because of an injury during the previous *week’s* endurance race… or the fact that I then called her a slacker.
2. How does Ava feel about hanging out with four year olds? Mad doesn’t have the words just yet, but she does this thing where she squares her jaw, sucks in the bottom part of her cheeks (which no longer take up her whole face… when did that happen?!) and raises an eyebrow at me while blinking slowly. I think she and Ava could be soul mates.
4 & 5. Been there. Homemade gifts are freaking awesome. I’ve gone the homemade jellies and jams route instead of bath salts (which I hear cause cannibalism). To each their own. Oh, and I’m saving syrup bottles because NEXT year I’m making everyone who bakes their own vanilla extract.
6. Not that long ago I got to a point where I could no longer pretend that “as soon as XYZ, we’re going to be fine” was really true. Then we broke through far enough to see the other side. It helps that my car will be paid off next week. (Of course, it’s about 30,000 miles past the extended warranty and I’m noticing something funky in the idle, but fiddle dee dee, I’ll deal with that tomorrow.) Overall, things are starting to look up and I’m feeling a little less like the bridge is about to collapse. You’ll get there, too.
And about the rain? Seriously, I drive 100 miles minimum every day. The assholes I see tend to be from other states. And the people I know who get the most pissy also tend to be from other states. Just like the majority of the bad drivers. They come here to escape “weather” and freak the fuck out when it happens here. Stupid.
CLGTuesday, 4 December, 2012 at 13:34
First off, you’re already doing it. Everyday, every activity, every moment you are doing it for yourself, your man, and your kids…and to be honest, y’all seem so happy that you’re already doing it pretty damned well.
Secondly, WHITE ELEPHANT EVERYTHING!!! Make gifts, give away old weird things, decorate old weird things and then give them away again! It’s fun and people GET IT. Everyone is poor, but it’s absolutely what you make of it. (I’ll start taking my own advice soon).
Thirdly, when are we opening the school?
Fourth(ly?), I love you.
Done and Dun. xx
KateTuesday, 4 December, 2012 at 18:18
hi, so like are you in my brain or living my life all over again? i hear this tune from so many people, and having lived it myself,(especially # 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, and 10) i figure at this point life is just hard for excellent people who tell the truth.i wish i could afford to send you money (REALLY)every time you lift my spirits, or make me laugh, or write about something I recoginize in myself or my life. but i’m STILL in the same boat as you after working my ass of for forty years. i count my blessings (raised a good son, my mom’s still alive, haven’t killed the husband yet) and forget the rest because it’s just too hard to think about. be here now, darling, and know i am sending you blessings (mental money). hugs.
HeidiSunday, 9 December, 2012 at 16:14
AHHHH!!! That Ava Pic!!!!!!! Freaking amazing!!!!