I have become “that mother” on Instagram

by renegademama

I have become “that mother” on Instagram and I hate it as much as you do. Well, almost.

I can’t stop posting pictures of my kids. I realize I’m doing it but I can’t stop. We’re supposed to post interesting things that happen to us. Often the most interesting thing that happens to me is “Hey look at my baby! Isn’t he cute? He’s cute right? Look how cute!”

And I feel better when you agree, because this is what I’ve got right now. This is kind of all I have.

Yeah, I feel a little pathetic, a little lost. I feel a little boring. I wish I had something more interesting to say.

I imagine I’ve been unfollowed by lots and lots of people.

Damn that Janelle can’t stop posting pictures of those fucking kids.

 

The other day I drove around for 3 and a half hours in retrieval of 3 of my 4 children. The timing was just wrong enough that I had 45-minute intervals between each pick-up, meaning I couldn’t really do anything between stops, so I just sat in parking lots and drove around for 3.5 hours. I nursed the baby in the front seat like 4 times.

By the end, I hated every human in my car, on the road, in the town, and possibly on the planet.

I work in Georgia’s co-op preschool so now I know all her little preschool songs. The other day Mac got home from work and we sang one together, for him. It was a song about a fish getting eaten by a bigger fish and then that one getting eaten by a whale and on and on and there are little hand motions.

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS HUMAN SINGING PRESCHOOL SONGS?

Sing along folks. Here we go.

After preschool Georgia has “resting time” and I call it “resting time.” Who the hell talks like that?

And my sister-in-law told me about a ticket system for screen time and we’re trying it. Each kid has a little ticket jar thing made out of YES YOU GUESSED IT, Mason jars.

I HAD THEM DECORATE MASON JARS, people.

Sometimes I look around at this stay-at-home-mom life and I’m so bored and over it and tired I want to scream out my car window “I’m NOT THE MOTHERFUCKING BUTLERRRRR!”

(But I am.)

Other times I spend a good 15 minutes playing with my baby on his changing table. You take his diaper off and it’s like somebody plugged him into a power outlet. His little arms and legs kick up and down and he squeals and looks at me and I bury my nose in his neck and kiss him until I can’t kiss anymore because I’m worried he’s going to pee on my face. I laugh those loud, free cackles from a place more genuine than any place I’ve ever known.

But no matter how many times I drive kids around and wash diapers and kiss baby rolls and say stupid kid shit and nurse and cook and clean, I never feel like this is all I am. I never feel like I don’t want more. I never feel like there isn’t a “me,” hovering just beneath the surface, going through the motions but also holding on to something else.

Once again I realize: Motherhood is my occupation. It is not my definition.

It will never be my definition.

I did not become some “better version” of myself the second a baby exited my vagina. I did not suddenly morph into the G-rated Janelle model, complete with infinite patience and virtuous speech in soothing tones. My faults did not leave with the placenta. My interests did not transform into an age-appropriate Pinterest craft board. My personality did not fade into a Daniel Tiger theme song.

I stayed me. Well, sort of. A part of me went away, straight-up died, actually. And that was hard enough.

The externalities sure have changed, but the rest? Same. This gets confusing sometimes, because I read things like this and it seems some women BECOME this gig completely, as if who they are, or were, fades into spit-up and non-swear words and their kids become all of it and the end of it and I can’t relate. I used to wonder if that’s how I “should” be doing motherhood. Now I realize that’ just her gig. This is mine.

She says she can’t talk to her single friends anymore because she’s no longer dating. If the day ever comes that I can’t talk to people I love about their lives simply because I’m not currently experiencing the exact thing they are, please shoot me, point-blank, and walk away.

If I ever “don’t know how to not talk about my kids,” or “swear like a 2-year-old” (as opposed to a respectable fucking adult) read me some Hemingway and a touch of Bukowski and kick me in the shins, twice, for I will have reached full douchebag status.

They are my job. They are my family. They are the loves of my whole freaking life.

But I’m still, always, separate. They are not my reason for existence.

There’s a line in Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale where a girl looks at her mother and says “I am not your justification for existence.”

PRECISELY.

 

I like my music. I like folk and Americana and bluegrass and the Dead. I fucking hate kid music. Every day I get in the car with my coffee to drive 2,000 children to school (well that’s how it feels) and I turn on my music and I often turn it on loud because it makes me feel human, and free for a moment, and it gets me going AND I LIKE IT.

I like hearing live music. We take our kids to festivals even though half the people are high and we drop our kids with people who love them so we can hit bars and clubs and concert halls at night, to dance and dance.

I like to read philosophy and literary theory. I like to read complicated books and ideas about gender studies and queer studies and critical race. I like to talk to scholars about how to teach writing. I don’t get to do this much anymore, but it’s never gone.

I cuss like a motherfucking sailor, but I try not to in front of my kids.  I fail.

I like to smoke cigarettes, but only do it when I camp or smoker friends come over. If I weren’t an alcoholic, I’d like to drink whiskey. I like to talk dirty to my husband. I like what sometimes follows.

I love my friends with kids. I love my friends without kids. I love to talk to them about their lives, without kids. I love that they help me with my life with kids.

I write. I’m a writer. I write in my head as I drive. I write in the shower. I write while doing dishes. Half my ideas flow down the drain with the warm milk from dinner cups. It’s okay, but I wish I had more time.

 

Sometimes my life feels like one giant battle to keep myself alive. Not physically. That’s easy. But mentally, spiritually, psychologically, because so much of the occupation of motherhood not only feels unfulfilling, but in direct opposition to my interests, personality and talents.

It’s kind of hard to write when you’re so tired your eyes are twitching, when you’re insane with irritability.

My days are days of trying to serve my kids, be their mother, help them grow, support the shit out of them, keep a house, govern their education, feed them, bathe them, nurse them and hold them WHILE MAINTAINING A SENSE OF MYSELF.

And I am, right now, 100% a “SAHM.” Stay-at-home-mother.

It’s a job. A hard one. An insane one. A good one.

And yeah, for now I’m that mom on Instagram. The slightly pathetic one on Facebook.

Someday I’ll be something different.

Or maybe not different at all. Surely the externalities will change.

I keep getting torn down, redefined, rebuilt and recrafted into people I’ve never meant to become, never knew existed, maybe don’t even like that much, only to look in the mirror at the end of the day and see the same damn woman staring back at me who’s always been staring back at me.

I tell her hold up, lady. It’s an occupation, not your definition. And you’re doing alright.

I hold my baby on my hip and try to write a few words.

What comes out is this.

And a new photo on Instagram.

IMG_5498

my last photo on Instagram.

 

more stuff I shouldn't have said out loud:

61 Comments | Posted in I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING HERE. | October 10, 2014
  • Steve McDowell

    You rock.

    All the mom stuff is doable.
    Its trying to act like your not a parent that’s completely impossible.

    Give em hell sweety

  • Jeffrey

    you are my new Hero!

    SAHD
    Jeffrey

  • Elizabeth Bowen

    Yay! Survival of existential crisis and writing about it and still being the bad ass momma you strive to be? High freaking five. I think you’re doing great. Annnd I’m of the humble opinion that cute baby pictures are the stuff of life, the more candide the better. Keep the posting, the only thing I’m judging you by them is, “dang her kids are cute.”

  • Elaine

    Enjoy them at this age and encourage this mommy part of you. My youngest is a senior in high school this year and I sure do miss singing the little fishy songs.

  • Kayla

    I always love everything you post, Janelle. But this, this I especially love! Motherhood is scary shit to those of us that have yet to endeavor into it. It becomes even scarier when everyone is talking about how much you lose yourself in all of it. I just always wonder, what about afterwards? When the kid is grown and going out on their own. Are we just left to deteriorate because we no longer have anything holding us together? You give me faith that this is not the case. If you want to raise you child to become a strong individual, you have to be one yourself. As fucking hard as that can be.

  • Anna Carlson

    Sometimes I read your blog, and I swear to god that you are me, that somehow we share a brain. (is less weird than I made it sound, I promise). Then I look around and only have one kid, no husband, and a job that kills me and I thank the stars above that there is another human in the world who gets it. Someone who days the things I’m so desperate , and complete unaware, that I need to hear. Long story short, thanks t being fucking awesome, and blasting your music, and cussing like a motherfucking sailor. We should start a club or something.

    • Tmac

      I just read this in my little coastal Australian town and thought ‘that sounds just like me and reflects my thoughts exactly!’ I would join your club 😉

      • Suesue

        Same feeling here from France 🙂 thank you guys!

  • Sara

    Omg slippery fish is one of my daughter’s favorite songs! We sing it approximately fifty thousand times a day.

  • loud wheel dog

    me too. Not precisely, but right on sister me too and thanks for writing this, thanks. I’m an artist, or I was or I think about it still or whatever but I always say I’m still an artist I’m just working with a new medium, people, I’m making people and the learning curve for this medium is harder to comprehend then fucking plutonium. seriously, plutonium sounds easier to work with.

  • Teresa

    Fuck yes.

  • Bitty

    I LOVE your posts. I work on call, and take care of my 5 month old son when I’m not working. I feel most like myself when I’m at work. Part of me feels like shit for that, but I understand it. I love my son more than I thought it was possible to love anything. However having him has changed my life in so many ways that most of the time I don’t recognize the person I’ve become. I don’t feel like myself, and I’m not even sure how to find that woman again.
    I figure since I recognize this and have an amazing husband to help me when I’m crying because I’m so tired from working grave shifts and taking care of the baby, when I’m weeping because I’m mourning the person I used to be, I’m ahead of the curve.
    THANK YOU for confirming my suspicion that I am not the only mom to feel this way. Stay strong and keep fostering your sense of you.

  • Bonnie

    You took the damn words right out of my mouth. This very thing is something I have struggled with since becoming a SAHM 6 years ago. I went from working 50+ hours a week with the public, to having no one but a baby to talk to. Rough shit. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with myself now, but I know I want more. Thank you for writing this. Hang in there, like I know you will. Like we all do.

  • Erin Osborne

    Again, your words speak such truth!! I often think how much I miss myself. The things I love to do and be that I don’t have the time for right now because I’m busy mothering my two sweet boys. Thank you so much for your honesty and your talent. It is appreciated

  • Jennifer

    Janelle — as much as I think your kids are adorable I would really appreciate more photos of your husband like the one you posted yesterday. Thank you! 🙂 🙂 (Just kidding. Sort of.)

  • Sam Pereira

    Yes. To all of it. Fuck. I’m having a shit week because I just need a fucking break from the singing stupid songs and changing nappies and the mind numbing boredom of it all. Where am I? How do I hang on to myself? I only have one kid. How are you managing to do it with four?
    High five sista. Here’s to keeping it real.
    And that really is a cute kid!

  • Kristen Hunter

    I just LOVE your blog! Thank you!

  • spark

    You are a great writer. Everything I wanted to say but didn’t know how to express. Thank you (plus you have great taste, I also have a baby boy called Arlo).

  • Anne

    I loved this. I miss parts of myself that I have “paused” for mothering, but I also love the mothering.

  • Monty

    Hey, just shooting you a line to say that you’re super cool and I wrote about you on my blog. 😀

  • Renee

    Yeah, he’s cute!!!

  • Rose Gilbert

    You are motherfucking awesome. Keep on keeping on.yes it’s a job and a freaking hard one and it will change your but all the best/hardest things do change us by adding to who we already are. You Rock

  • sassy kas

    yer raising them on good music. cool.

  • Janet

    Your kid’s a cutie!!! Some of us LOVE to see cute kids and the parents who love them on social media. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know you or your kids. I love seeing parents love their kids. I wish every kid had a mom like you.

  • Kimanne

    We call it “resting time,” too. 🙂 And all of that stuff I never thought I would do, I do. I used to work for a newspaper, used to be out in the world. Even though it was time to try something else, it has been tough. I saw my mom give her all to mothering and have nothing left once we were grown. I didn’t think that’s who I would be. But here I am. Thanks for your words. They are right on.

  • Mama Tay

    I’ve got three boys, 9, 7 & 4 and when the two oldest were babies and toddlers and preschoolers I threw myself into their world of innocence, becoming that sweet mom who’s all about her kids. And I still am mostly all about my kids because we homeschool and that takes a lot of commitment to pull off… But as they get older, I’m remembering how to be more me, too. It’s all about seasons. It’s okay to have a season in your life where you behave in certain ways that eventually you won’t later on. You’re building a foundation with them so when they’re teens, hopefully they won’t hate your guts too much. At least that’s my theory! Love your posts, they always make me feel so human. 🙂

  • Joanne

    I’m THAT mom on Facebook too. And you know what? I’m not ashamed. My life consists of driving to and from the university, attending class, doing homework and spending time with my 17-month-old. That’s it. If it weren’t for pictures and updates about my kid, I’d only have schoolwork left to talk about. And a toddler is definitely more interesting than sample lesson plans. So don’t worry about it. You created tiny people. Brag as much as humanly possible and share that cuteness as much as you can before the cute gets replaced with angsty teenage dicketry.

  • Dan

    I went on a 10 day work trip when my youngest of three was 2 1/2 years old. It was an overseas ski trip, all expenses paid, to supervise a bunch of year 9 kids. I remember going up the ski lift with a guy I worked with (a bit older, and much wiser), and I turned to him and said “OMG, I feel alive. Like, REALLY alive, and awake. I haven’t felt this awake in years”. And it was because I had a taste of freedom and fun that you just don’t get in the depths of parenting small children. I was just me again, having fun (with a post snow day booze-up with the grown-ups). Year 9 kids can carry their own shit and wipe their own bum and amuse themselves, and they were into music that I actually didn’t mind, and they weren’t my kids. I felt a slight pang of guilt just for a little while when I realised I loved me more when I wasn’t ‘just’ a (working) mum. I LOVE some elements of motherhood, I love the shit out of my kids, but at times I fucking HATE myself and my life when I feel so restless and discontent with so many of elements of parenthood. I am Me, also mother of and overseer of 3 divine lives, but they are their own people, and they do not define my existence. Nor do I define theirs.

  • Libby Bean

    I have lost actual friends since having my daughter and I’m pretty sure it’s because I have become ‘that mother’. I would rebel against it if I had the energy. I love your writing by the way. Your blog is the perfect antidote to my Pinterest board of kids crafts that I’ll never carry out!

  • Dana

    First, your baby is adorable and I’m ok with kid Instagram pics 🙂 But I get this, very intensely. I wonder if that lady on Huff post really has no other yearnings or dreams, I wonder if she omitted that truth for the sake of an article, or if her kids are still so young (and clearly at home) that she can’t see much beyond it, yet. I actually related to her in a lot of ways (though I do NOT curse like a two year old) but the difference is all that you wrote about motherhood being a job versus what defines me.

    I’m a writer and mother and wife, and friend, though sadly many have drifted away because I suck at multitasking.

    I’m writing this moment during Daniel Tiger while I prep for an all day writing conference while snuggling my pajama clad kids. It’s a mix, messy and awful and gorgeous.
    -Dana

  • lizzie

    You just punched me in the heart with that one. So spot on. Thank goodness someone can articulate this shit so i can have a brief reprieve from feeling insane. And have an opportunity to say “shit” and “reprieve” in one sentence.

  • gretchen

    I’m pretty sure half my baby fever came from your kids on instagram. Gee thanks! Because now I’m TTC because obviously two kids and a farm aren’t enough! Keep it up though… your kids are so stinking adorable!!

  • Erin D

    Thank you! Sometimes it’s so hard to explain how you can lose yourself after having kids. I was so scared that I would have to give up every thing that made me ME. I was scared that all the other moms would judge me, I was scared that my dreadlocks, tye dyes and music would be replaced with mom jeans, a mini van and children’s songs. I thought I had to change everything in order to be a good mom. What a bunch of bullshit. I feel like mothers these days have a problem with admitting that they make mistakes and don’t talk about the hardships that come with being a mother. Maybe if all of us mamma’s were honest, we could support each other and not carry around all that guilt. I’m not a perfect mother or a perfect person, I’m just ME. I make mistakes like it’s nobody’s business, but don’t judge me, help me. Thank you for always being honest and finally being a person I can relate to!

  • Grouchiegrrl

    Like TMAC above, I too sit in my Australian coastal town and marvel at how whenever I read your posts I totally think we are in the same head space.

    I am very grateful that I had my son in law school. There was no question of quitting, because I suspect you just couldn’t go back after a year or whatever. I did slow down, but I have never stopped – and that saved me because that is ‘my’ thing. Where I can be me, just me. Where I get discrete time carved out that is for study, and thus for me. Not sure I would have coped without having that set thing that uses my brain and creativity and lets me be justifiably away from him and able to pee alone or have hot tea.

    Until an assignment is due and I haven’t finished – they I will totally use the little dude for an extension!

    But I love that you put this stuff out there, for us all to read and say ‘thank god it isn’t just me’ and talk. Thank you so much for that. And for the cute IG pix of your kids – I love those too!

  • Phyllis

    I’m 56…long past being a full time mommy and currently grandma to the most beautiful toddler in the world. I never gave up me. Not ever. I had people who judged me because I insisted on times where I was PHYLLIS and not someones wife, mommy or employee. Just Phyllis. Even now, I put myself at a place where I am important…even if that means my daughter has to get a babysitter because Fifi already has plans. It has made the transition to empty nesting WAY easier! Never give up you…you’ll need you some day!

  • Diva Jedi

    I’m mom to almost 1 year old twins and I’m struggling to be a little more of a Pinterest mom because I feel like I ::should:: be giving them my all? When I would much rather put on Mio Mao or VocabuLarry and read a book and drink my coffee. And I find myself grateful there’s two of them and they can play quietly together sometimes and leave me alone. 😉 You started early, I started late and was quite used to being on my own.

    As for the pictures, never underestimate the power of cute kids! One of my old friends vaguebooked about needing support recently, so I sent her virtual hugs and a picture of my babies (because that’s the first think I can think of to offer). She told me my response was the only one to really make her smile – her husband of 1.5 years turned out to be an abusive prick and she was reaching out as she started the divorce procedures. So, yeah, screw the people who don’t like the baby pictures.

    • Diva Jedi

      Also, where/how do I find other moms like you? I want to take my girls to playgroups/playdates to get them used to other kids but all the moms I encounter when I’m out and about at playgrounds are so… ehhhh. No one laughs at my “test phrase” at parks: “No, baby, don’t eat that rock/stick/bark. It won’t feel good coming out.” And they all look at me like in crazy for being okay with my kids eating sand. I have two! If I focus on one eating sand the other will try to escape. (>.<) Plus I grew up around a lot of little kids, I know what won't kill them.

  • Sarah Davidge

    You are totally right, he is cute..

  • Al

    I had no idea we were only sposed to put up interesting things on Instagram. I suck 🙂 and i love your family pics. Dimples! They do it every time!

  • Venessa

    …as a new mom, its hard to put into words what that feeling is that catches you sometimes in the hard moments, the boring moments, the moments where you don’t feel like there is a shred of your old self left. This line captured it perfectly for me…

    “…so much of the occupation of motherhood not only feels unfulfilling, but in direct opposition to my interests, personality and talents.”

  • Aimee

    The pictures of your kids will always be infinitely more interesting than photos of dinner or people’s cats.

  • Erin Sagadin

    Kick ass! You perfectly articulated how I feel most days as a mother. Thankfully, I have a great support system of mom and non-mom friends who “get it”, a really hands-on partner in my husband, and a job outside the home for 20 hours a week, slinging beer, where I get to talk like a grownup, to other grownups (fuckng-a!) I love your blog. You make me feel like we are all in this together.

    Cheers!

  • Arianna

    In my head, I categorize you as Janelle, the writer who writes about her family. Not the mom who writes. So you aren’t the only one defining yourself as something other than PARENT! Keep it up lady!

    I think the only place I notice anyone thinks of me only as ‘mom’ is at my kids’ place of education. Which makes sense, because that place is about defining them, not me.

  • Natasha Batsford

    Yeah I missed the memo about Instagram too, but I figure it’s my feed so if you don’t like what you see, move along.

    I find it crazy that we expect motherhood to define women when we don’t expect it for any other relationship or vocation. Nice to know you a bit better lady, in all your multi-faceted glory

  • melchicj

    Love fucking love this and all the comments feel like the best kind of catch up, true honest walls down appreciation of each others’ shit as we stride on. I feel so similar and what a gem, the writing running down the plughole oh yes, how true. Feel this way about it, too – and sometimes it gets so overwhelming, pulled under but then somehow, somewhere I find a shred of my original me, and my head bobs up again and I can see the shore. You fucking rock.

  • Cheryl S.

    First, I love you. Second, I’m so there sometimes. I work FT, have one kiddo and a husband, and I dream about spending the night completely alone in a hotel room, so I can watch what I want, eat what I want, read what I want and no one can bother me.

    When I start to want to run away because I feel like I’ve gotten so lost in motherhood that I can’t find myself, I feel guilty. Thank you for putting into words what I’ve felt. And to show in some little way that it’s OK to not want to have motherhood completely engulf who you are.

  • lisa

    I love this! And also, I love seeing adorable baby/kid pics on Instagram (but I admit I didn’t so much before I had a kid of my own) – I too am “that mother” on IG… 500 photos and counting of my boy.

  • kim

    THANK YOU! first time mom here and you write exactly what I have been feeling. I am so thankful I stumbled across your blog!

  • Sarah

    I love this post! And for the record the instagram pictures don’t bother me one bit. Your readers know the real you 🙂 Your posts don’t imply perfection, simply admiration and there is nothing wrong with that. I think you and your family are beautiful and I am very grateful for all that you share with your readers.

  • Harmony Hobbs

    I love this. You found a way to explain what’s happening right here, in my house and in my brain.

    All of my ideas run down the sink or into the washing machine, too. It sucks, and it’s hard not to be bitter. I just have to assume I’ll have more ideas when I have more time to write them.

    Your baby is adorable, and the world deserves to see adorable babies.

  • Emily

    Yep, that’s me. We’re trying to figure out how much we have to stop cussing around our 2.5-year-old, mostly because we secretly know the answer is 100% based on the evidence of how she picks up our language but we wish it were around 5%. We do talk dirty to each other whenever we feel like, with somewhat lowered voices and using the sort of jokes-I-never-understood-on-Pee-Wee-Herman’s-Playhouse language. (So many.) I talk about my kids more than most things, but that’s in large part because the rest of my brain is taken up with work and my work does not make me happy these days, so I talk about them instead. Sometimes they drive me crazy, but at least it’s still a good story.

    That is one motherfucking cute baby.

  • Melanie

    I just kept nodding and laughing while reading through this post.I am Absolutely with you on all fronts here. This should be the job card for motherhood and all new parents should be required to read it. My kid is 18 months old and I only recently starting feeling like parts of me – the actual “Me” of me – has started coming back. I’ve been missing her. Thanks for the reminder.

  • Sara

    That’s a great way to put it! “Motherhood is not my définition” Thank you!

  • Julie

    Janelle hola,
    College roomie! How are you? I read some posts and I’m so happy for you and your family. Your writing is amazing (but you already knew that) and I’m proud of you for keeping with it. College seems like eons ago but I’m glad to find your site and happy you are thriving. Just thinking about college and us brings back so many memories and how young we were… 🙂

    Xoxo
    Julie

  • Em

    I really needed to read just this today. To commiserate with someone I don’t know but who speaks to the very heart of me at this time. Thank you for putting words to my turmoil! Preach on, sister.

  • Anne

    SO agree! One of best group of friends is the reading group I attend every month. Because we are all so fucking different! A doctor, an editor at a publishing house, an accountant, a teacher, a documentary filmmaker, a stay at home mom, a psychologist and me who works for the state here in Norway (Roads dept.). We hardly EVER agree on anything (and the discussions we have goes far beyond the monthly book, every time), and it keeps us all sane, more grounded and more informed.

  • Alura

    Thanks so much for writing this. I feel like you took (some of) the words right out of my mouth. Like I could have written something exactly like this one of those nights I felt like I was bursting with emotion to express, but decided to turn off my brain and go to sleep instead because it had been such a long day. I’ve been on the edge of burnout almost constantly because as much as I know I need time to do “my own thing” I am so used to being there for my almost 2 year old constantly that I just don’t know how to ask for or accept a real break at this point! I feel encouraged to make more of an effort now, so thank you again.

  • Jill

    “I used to wonder if that’s how I “should” be doing motherhood. Now I realize that’ just her gig. This is mine.”

    I have never been that mother, I have tried to be that mother and I have failed. I have XM radio that has never even been to the Disney Station. You can listen to my music, it is my van damn it. I have always felt like the odd SAHM the one that does it, but wasn’t born for it. I get stir crazy, and bored. I love my kids but I hate playing pretend. They want to play that, and I am like lets read, draw, cook, clean, anything other than play fucking pretend. I decided one day to be so nice and play pretend with my son for as long as he wanted. A half an hour in I was loosing my fucking mind. I will always feel a little guilty about that, about not listening to kid music, for accidentally swearing, for getting bored. I should take a page from your book, and figure this is just a job, not me. Thanks lady, your like the friend I really need and sadly don’t have :/

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from Featured Mum: Janelle Hanchett | Punk Mum
    Friday, 10 October, 2014

    […] I don’t want more. I never feel like there isn’t something else in me. Once again I realize: Motherhood is my occupation. It is not my definition.“ I think more women relate to this than don’t. And I think a great disservice has been […]

  • Trackback from Flutterby 3 | Flingo
    Wednesday, 15 October, 2014

    […] of what’s winged its way across my path and got me thinking, grinning and gearing up.I Have Become “That Mother” on Instagram: This essay isn’t really about Instagram. It’s about recognizing your true self in the middle […]

  • Trackback from I Love Everything | Life with Roozle
    Saturday, 18 October, 2014

    […] Read more at renegademothering.com. […]

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