Sometimes I complain about motherhood.
Shocking, I know.
And every time I do, somebody somewhere somehow gives me the same sage advice:
Enjoy it before it’s over.
Live in the now.
Soak it up.
And generally speaking, my urge is the same. I basically want to punch them in the face. Not because it’s bad advice. It’s not. In fact it’s the best advice ever. It’s solid fucking gold. It’s true and real and exactly what I should be doing.
This, of course, makes the advice that much more annoying, since I know they’re right and yet I can’t seem to pull together this much-desired full-moment-embrace.
At least not always.
There are various reasons for this during any given day. I’ve decided to compile a few.
So here you go: 37 Reasons I’m Having Trouble Embracing the Moment
- I’m so tired I recently told somebody I had a baby girl. Yeah. My baby has a penis. So until further notice, I had a boy.
- It’s tough to really be present when your consciousness is sustained through 12,000-calorie, 25 grams of fat, 40 tablespoons of sugar, 6-shot iced coffee drinks.
- No for real, there’s a time each day when I think I may actually die from this exhaustion, but then, like a beam of hope and light and truth, comes the drive-through espresso place and I know I’ll make it ONE MORE DAY.
- But then I remember I will never lose the 30 pounds I’ve got attached to my ass if I keep drinking that shit. But I do it anyway because survival.
- Speaking of shit, I’m pretty sure there’s baby poop under my pinky nail.
- I made eggs for breakfast but my toddler “Only eats eggs on TUESDAYS!” So she screamed and wailed for approximately 30 minutes (even though she has no idea what day it actually is). Obviously.
- It’s so damn hot I can’t stand wearing the “quality” nursing bra to support my 15-pound-each breasts – it’s so ITCHY! – but the cheap ass (comfortable) one from Target gave me a clogged duct and if I don’t wear the 6 feet of “quality” material around said boobs (and nursing pads), milk drips out of them and onto my clothing.
- So basically, my choices are: uncomfortable, hot and itchy or uncomfortable, wet and milky.
(Embrace that, bitch.)
- I’ve been taking my placenta pills like a motherfucking boss but sometimes I wake up and I’m sure I have A.) Ruined my life and B.) Permanently ruined my life.
- My toddler just peed on the pool deck.
- Sometimes, my 12-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son bicker so long and so hard about something so stupid I actually pack up the insane toddler and screaming newborn and go to the park just so I don’t have to hear their voices for 15 minutes.
- When we get there, they sit on the bench beside me and whine that it’s hot.
- While my boobs itch.
- Then I usually say something horrid like “GO AWAY NOW.”
- And feel guilty about it because I know time flies and carpe fucking diem.
- I embraced motherhood 15 minutes ago. Now I want to sit on this bench and play Candy Crush and pretend I’m still 21 and hot and living in Barcelona.
- I have so many people demanding things from me ALL DAY LONG your voice has just become ONE MORE VOICE in the long line of voices asking me to do things and consequently I don’t hear you, at all.
But really, what part of “join me in the fight against helpful parenting advice is unclear to you?” Why can’t you just say “Yep.” When I bitch about motherhood? Why do you have to give me helpful words or whatever the hell that is because you know what I hear? All I hear is “If you were a better mother you’d be enjoying every second!”
18. Well shit. Now I can’t embrace the moment because you just told me to “embrace the moment” and now I feel guilty for not embracing the fucking moment.
19. And this leads me to think about how my tween will be 18 in 6 years and instead of living “in the now” I’m wondering where the last 13 years went and how come I didn’t “live in the now,” then, when I still had a chance and she was younger and nicer.
20. I’m thinking about money. Namely, the way we have none.
21. I’m wondering how that article that’s due this evening is going to get written when my baby decided that the only palatable life activities are nursing, sleeping against the boob (because I DIE WITHOUT THE NIPPLE MOM) and pooping.
22. I’m crying over nothing.
23. I’m answering questions from my kids about why I’m crying over nothing.
24. I’m making a mental note not to watch rescued-elephant videos ever again.
25. It’s 4pm and I just realized the circus needs to eat. Again. Why must they eat so often?
26. The dog ran away, out the broken fence. We need to fix the fence. He’s a sweet dog. I love that dog. I need to pay more attention to the dog. Sorry, dog. (No worries. We found the dog.)
Hey. Hey you. I AM EMBRACING MOTHERHOOD, just not at this moment. Why isn’t that okay? I ENJOY MY KIDS, just not at this exact second. Why is that a problem? Aren’t all jobs annoying at some point? Don’t all jobs have some aspects that suck? I mean if I were a lawyer and I hated doing time entry would you be like “Enjoy it.” Embrace it. Time flies. Someday you’ll be too old to record your time.” No. Of course not.
But this is motherhood, you say. Motherhood is precious. It’s all so precious!
NO. No it is not.
Sometimes it’s not precious and I really, really think we’d all be better off if we stopped telling mothers to “enjoy every moment” when some moments are really, really (sometimes literally) shitty, full of nothing more than grit and dirt and work and grime (with a hint of cuteness).
27. I was up until midnight writing an article. My baby woke up at 3am and wouldn’t go back to sleep until 5am. At 6am my toddler woke up and bounced into my bed “I’m here to cuggle (cuddle)!”
28. It’s hard to embrace something when your eyes won’t open and your head is pounding and your arms are stuck under an almost-crying newborn and a flailing 3-year-old.
29. It’s 5am and I’m torturing my newborn with that snot-sucking device so he can finally sleep, FINALLY.
30. But I can’t sleep because I’m 97% sure he has whooping cough.
31. Better get on Google and explore whooping cough. What time does the pediatrician’s office open?
32. Oh great. It’s 6am! Here’s Georgia! Toddler cuddle time!
33. My kitchen smells vaguely of vomit and mildew.
34. My voicemail is 90% full. I fucking hate voicemail. Text, people. TEXT.
35. I have 17 flagged emails in my work inbox that need attention and my auto-responder says “Just had a baby” even though it’s been 5 weeks and they hover in the back of my mind like the most irritating buzzing fly you’ve ever heard.
36. My kids are eating mac and cheese again. I can only imagine what the processed cheese-like substance is doing to their brains.
37. We need to go to Costco but the tired. Oh. My. God. The tired.
And this baby.
And these kids.
THEY’RE JUST EVERYWHERE. And it never, never ends.
Eventually I give up, fuck it, park my ass on the chair and watch some 30 Rock reruns. For a minute I laugh, we all laugh, as the baby tries to nurse Rocket’s nose. And Georgia did her swimming lesson without crying. Came out beaming “I was SO GREAT in that pool, mama!” And the dog jumped in the kid pool like it was his own personal Raging Waters and my husband got an amazing haircut that makes me want to, ahem. And the grin on Ava’s face when she got her prize for reading 4 books at the library’s summer reading challenge. Oh, the innocence. It was almost as if she were 6 years old again.
I saw it for a second, just a second. My second, and hers.
As her smile hits my heart, I hear an explosion in Arlo’s diaper and something wet on my arm. I change him in the back of our hot SUV while the kids argue about who sits in front and Georgia removes her clothes, again, because that makes sense. I see my coffee in the stroller like a silent beacon of hope.
So there. 37 reasons I’m having trouble embracing the fucking moment.
And 1 or 2 that keep me trying.
Now please, for the love of God, stop telling me to embrace the moment. I’m embracing what I can, as best as I can, along with every other mother I know. And besides,
Tiffiny SchwartzThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:07
<3 I'll reread this at 3 am when I'm convincing myself not to shake my infant because I have to be up in 2 hours and it really is not his fault I have to work and he wants a chat sesh at the precise moment. I love you in a slightly creepy way.
Katie @ A Mother ThingThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:08
Also – all I really took away from this is that I want to see a photo of your husband’s haircut.
lehanThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:09
Yes yes fucking yes…..and I only have 1…..with cerebral palsy……hard work…..every day…..fuck embracing…..can I get through the next 5 minutes??? Love love love ur website. …….feels like your in my head…..normal……yeah!!!!!
LacyThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:13
Totally agree!!! I love my daughter 2 1/2. But when she won’t listen to me that we have no more string cheese, no there isn’t any in the garage fridge, no I am not hiding them, no I don’t think I can make some. I want to scream my f-in brains out. When she decides that 5am is wake up and ba’s time (yes I still nurse my 2 1/2 year old) and I explain is it nap time or bedtime? (The only times we are supposed to be doing it still) and she replies with Otay!! I want to laugh at her persistence but would much rather roll over and go back to sleep. My mother tells me, “enjoy the moment, live in the moment, it goes by so fast!” I want to say Shut up and let me sleep!
Jenn ChavezThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:25
“Yep.” And I don’t even have a newborn anymore. But this list…in so many ways…Yep.
SimThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:29
You know the moments I would embrace the most? The ones when I’m asleep. If I was allowed to sleep…I’d embrace those. With both arms. In a tight, life-or-death hug.
itzybellababyThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:52
Yes. and yes.
Have you tried the button down henley cami nursing shirt thingy from Target? I got mine online. Worth every penny. Never made me itch, and I can stuff my giant 8 inch boob pads (I make my own) in it with my enormous milk facilities..just sayin
I have actually worn one out entirely and am on my second one. It is incredible. A shirt and bra in one. I wear it all day and night. Don’t judge me.. lol.
GinaThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:53
Just wanted to say how fucken awesome I think you are and that, even though you don’t know me from Adam’s ass, I agree with you 150% (and that’s with TWO kids). Your blog is funny and spot-on and I only wish that I could meet more brutally honest mothers like you at the park so that we could hug and cry and blow our noses in eachother’s hair at the same time.
PS: Mickey D’s makes the best 12,000 calorie iced coffee. Just sayin.
RachelThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:54
Amen Sister!!!!! I hear every word of that shit right there! Spot On!
JameyThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 16:59
What’s a placenta pill? I don’t feel like Googling it. 😉 Can we see a pic of the haircut? And you made me laugh out loud, again. Keep writing. I can’t embrace it all the time either and the guilt just makes me feel like an evil mother. Your posts remind me that I’m not the crazy one.
KimThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:05
Placenta pills, like placenta encapsulation? Because YES! I did that, too. …if not placenta encapsulation, then…why yes, I’m pretty fucking birth crunchy, thank you very much!
Moving on. Yes, embrace life. But, for the love of Pete, do it after you get a solid hour and a half sleep. (Because obviously.) In all seriousness, I want to bring you cupcakes and babysit while you nosh on them. If it’s any consolation, I think this post is baller and you’re a BAMF who makes my life better. 🙂 Keep on keepin’ on, wonderful lady!
Jessica MaurerThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:16
#25!!!!!!!!! #25 kicks my ass every day, and it seems like all day long.
Today I hate my entire tribe. But, I love your page.
And yes now we must all see his PURDY haircut.
And why don’t moms get sick days?! Come the fuck on. 2 a month would be amazing. Fuck, even 1 would be awesome.
The next time someone tells me to embrace ‘it’. I’m gonna say, here, you embrace this shit show – I’m gonna go take a nap, I will be back in 24-48 hrs. Let me know how it goes.
Erika B.Thursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:21
I had 4 kids in 8 years and was homeschooling said children when #4 came squalling into our lives. #4 cried for two years straight, I kid you not, and didn’t sleep through the night for those same two years. I get it. I really do. There are times when motherhood is a joy and there are times when it sucks money balls. My oldest is almost twenty and the youngest almost twelve now. I won’t tell you it gets better, because I would be lying, but it does get different. The demands aren’t so immediate, but they are a different challenge all together. In the end, you just hope that the good moments outweigh the bad. And, honest to God, you will look back at your sleep deprived stupor and not remember how crappy it was at the time. You acquire mommy amnesia somewhere along the way and you’ll see more of the good and less of the bad. And, yes, you will laugh your ass off about the time you had to take your kid in for dental x-rays because he was skating in his pee on the bathroom floor and knocked out his front teeth. Some of the shit does become more amusing in hindsight, I promise. Hang in there.
Tasha BatsfordThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:23
You rock mama
Jennifer SThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:39
I understand the “enjoy every moment’ thing – and I know it’s right on. At the same time, in addition to just being totally unhelpful and irritating, it always feels a little like a threat. “Oh, you think you are sad and tired NOW? Once they are teenagers and gone then you are REALLY going to feel like shit…” Thanks.
Haddayr Copley-WoodsThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:41
hello I love you but not in a creepy way and you are awesome
MelissaThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:55
Thank you. Yesterday I cried , because I am so tired of having a chronic illness while trying to raise kids. My one year old kept saying hi in the cutest little voice and my 13 year old wanted me to watch those stupid YouTube videos that make her laugh but me cringe. I cried off and on for a whole hour and afterwards I didn’t even feel badly about letting my humanness show.
CharlieThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:56
Thank you for being so boldly honest about the greatest things in life. Like coffee and husband’s haircuts. I just had to write today to tell you what a joy it is to find your blog emails in with the 712 unread emails in my inbox. Please keep blogging so I can stay sane.
SummerThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 17:58
I love this
AlisonThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 18:13
EVERYTHING you wrote here. YES.
VaginaThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 18:17
YEP!!! I embraced life yesterday too, ..and you know what happened…I stepped in my dog’s piss because he pissed on the carpet and then looked at me like he was basically saying Fuck you! EMBRACE It mother fucker…., then my 7 year old puked in the car and instead of making it in the bag I gave her, ..it ended up all over the floor…EMBRACE IT motherfucker….and then the one and only time I actually decided to take some time and cook, I used REAL carrots and cut those bitches up all by myself, ..put them in the pot…walked away to do some other crap and all of a sudden the kitchen is billowing out with smoke because the carrots are black and burning to the bottom of the pot! awesome! I embraced all that shit, …and now I need a fucking drink… and BTW…I LOVE you…and YEP!!!!!
JuliaThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 18:24
I just kicked my kids out of the car so I could read in peace. We just moved to another state and they don’t have friends yet so they feel like they have to tell me every random thought that pops I their head throughout the day. And yes I’m glad they want to talk and hang out with me but that only gets me through about 5 minutes of actually doing it.
Amy Dietrich HernandezThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 18:25
Mine are teenagers and while every fiber in my body wants to scream about how fast it goes…I won’t. I hear you. And I have totally been there. I had three under four years old at one point and I thought I would never sleep again. Hang in there!
Momma OThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 18:44
Preach It Sister! I hear and I recognize and I feel ya! Well Well done!
EvieThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 18:56
Thank you for sharing this. I know most mothers feel this way sometimes, but for some reason we’re expected to smile and act as though we love every second of parenting. I think so many of us secretly feel shame for having these feelings because they are rarely discussed. We suffer silently believing we are alone. Bravo to you for saying what so many of us are thinking!
SuzanneThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 19:13
You are awesome, Your blog is amazing, love it, it’s real and oh so true.
My kids are grown, gone and I’m a grandmother of one and number two due shortly and I KNOW exactly what you mean, lived it. Mothers, we are our own worst critic. I still look back and wish I had been a better mother, done more, done better everything and then my daughter tells me how awesome I was and wonders just how crazy I was for having 3 kids and how did I do it….and I think I am so lucky that my daughter obviously doesn’t remember a whole lot from her childhood….lol.
Oh and I’d like to see that hair cut.
NicoleThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 19:17
MarcyThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 19:45
OMG I enjoyed this post so much. I laughed out loud (several times). I think every mother feels this way and you put it into words so perfectly. Love your blog.
Aria Alpert AdjaniThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 20:13
Fuck yeah. I mean really. You really really REALLY sang it. Loud and proud and beautifully. Thank you. Thank you for writing these pearls. I have an almost 3 yr old and a 2 month old and am going bat shit cray cray. Living in the realm of nursing and nursing and nursing and potty training and sticky poo poo diapers (newborn and toddler) and 2 completely neglected dogs. Poor dogs – i am a horrible dog owner but fuck em. I’m too exhausted to throw a fucking ball right now so shut up already. Anyway, I can not CAN NOT imagine 4. That is just beyond.
LeighThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 20:23
Thank you for your site and your writing. It means a lot. You come across as an intensely loving mother. You might not be embracing the moment but sounds like you are fully IN IT 🙂
Sara moonThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 20:28
I just love you janelle. So very much. Xoxo
Jennifer SThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 20:34
Yessss! Sometimes, my moments are literally covered in poop. No way I’m embracing that!
Sarah DrlikovaThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 21:25
I love you! Keep on keepin on.
AmberThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 22:10
This is so hilarious! Once again, you killed it! Thanks for the laughs and telling it like it really is.
AmberThursday, 10 July, 2014 at 22:23
I just noticed the “or we can pin shit we’ll never make” over on the left. I laughed so hard I woke the baby- who was laying in my boob. Again. 😀
AliFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 2:14
Oh my goodness. I only have one, but there are many moments I have intention of embracing coz they flat out sucked. Can’t imagine that x4. You’re amazing.
BTW, what nimrod reads YOUR blog and tells you to ’embrace the moment’ without revealing they’re illiterate or, at the least, emotionally dense. Really folks, THIS blogger? Who the fuck are you people?
EmmaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 2:42
Enjoy the moment they tell me, I say, go hug a cactus!
MollyFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 5:56
I think you’re my new girl crush, in a completely non-creepy way … You always say exactly what I think and I totally dig that — In the mean time, good luck lady, we’ll all get there eventually (at least that’s what they tell me!)
KittenFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 6:38
People keep telling me the same thing about pregnancy. “Enjoy every moment! It will be over soon! You’re going to miss it!” It hasn’t been a bad pregnancy, but with 7 weeks to go, it’s getting annoying and uncomfortable. And my anxiety over something bad happening before she’s born is starting to ramp up. Yes, it’s what I wanted. Yes, we endured fertility treatments for 2.5 years and spent many thousands of dollars to get here, but that doesn’t mean I need to embrace every moment as if it’s the greatest fucking miracle to ever happen.
JCFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 7:34
Fuck off with your advice people. Don’t we all know that hindsight is 20/20? Was the asshole giving you the advice to “embrace the moment!” always a happy, cheerful servant to her children? More than likely not. And if she was? Fuck her, because I don’t trust women who think every bit of parenting is a gift. Those people are mentally insane and will one day be on the news with carcasses hidden under her house while neighbors say “she was always so sweet and kind!”.
The tired you are talking of? I know it. I have known it for four years and nearly six months. Nasty insomnia broken up multiple times a night by a child who also sleeps like shit. So no, I really cannot embrace the moment when all I hear all day long is “WATCH THIS MAMA!” and “I CAN’T DO IT, I NEED YOUR HELP!” to build a fucking fort out of pillows when all I want is to attach myself to the sofa and wait for bedtime. Nay, all I CAN do.
But. But I have to take her to the pool and sit in the hot sun that I hate because if I don’t wear her ass out she will sleep even worse than she already does.
You know what moment I would like to embrace? The moment of dead silence at midnight when no one is asking me to do shit.
Fur MomFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 8:37
The article was funny and I’m sure, very true for many moms but sad too. I know I will likely get a lot of replies from haters but I also believe there is a different perspective. I, unfortunately was never able to have a child. I’m one of the childless women that are judged as being selfish for not having children when the fact is I tried for years with more misscarriages than I can remember and an ectopic pregnancy. After years of fertility treatments we ran out of money to adopt. I live with the pain that I will never have the experiences of seeing a child off to their first day of school, proms, graduation, accomplishments in school and sports, or ever being a grandmother. I hope all the mothers survive all the difficult times and only remember the good times given that children are a blessing that they were fortunate of experiencing.
SherryFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 9:47
LaToyaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 10:15
I have two kids…. One is 2, and the other is four months. I had the luxury of still sending the 2 year old away while I was off for leave. Those days that I decided to keep her out of MOM GUILT, I yearned for the day I returned to work.
I get peace and quiet at my hectic job…. peace and quiet away from my kids. That saying, don’t feel guilty about YOUR FOUR MAKING YOU NOT ENJOY EVERY MINUTE. You have FOUR.
Geez, when do you breathe? It’s hard but you are handling it like an effin’ boss. At those times when you want to go crazy, who cares, go crazy. Dayum anyone who makes you feel bad about it… they would snap too.
BobbiFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 10:22
While demanding my 2 and 5 year old get away from each other for a minute. Oh I get this, oh so much.
MarybethFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 10:55
A. Men. Sister.
jaanaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 11:03
you just put my thoughts down on paper. errr internet.
NicoleFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 11:07
I. Love. Your. Blog. Thank you for your profanity, snarkyness (?), hilarious sarcastic dry humor, and making me laugh and cry.
GiniFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 11:20
So…..haircut photo? 😉
renegademamaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 22:07
Ask and ye shall receive, my friend.
(totally added it to the post.)
ShenoaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 12:07
I sat here and snortedchuckledheavedgiggled during this whole piece. My husband is staring at me with a slightly confused and disdainful look – but WHATEVER, maybe I’ll pay attention to him when he gets an awesome haircut (it’s been awhile, dude).
You make my life better. You say like no one else can. Thank you!
KeiaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 12:11
Yep, you pretty much hit the nail!
Leigh AnnFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 12:22
Seriously. It’s hard. You’re doing awesome.
email@example.comFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 13:07
Seriously. Thank you so much for the validation. I feel like motherhood is pretty much like being on Fear Factor. Everyday. And the line about the coffee being a silent beacon of hope: Yep. That’s why mommy drinks so much diet Dr. Pepper. It keeps me from ending up on the news. Thanks for the post.
lisaFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 13:57
I LOVE THIS!!! But I also feel guilty for ever complaining about my life with just ONE baby (who is almost a year old and has stopped sleeping at night). Phewff! Perspective!
TaraFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 14:15
“But this is motherhood, you say. Motherhood is precious. It’s all so precious!
NO. No it is not.
Sometimes it’s not precious and I really, really think we’d all be better off if we stopped telling mothers to “enjoy every moment” when some moments are really, really (sometimes literally) shitty, full of nothing more than grit and dirt and work and grime (with a hint of cuteness).”
This really resonated with me. You are so right. We really do need to be honest about what parenting is all about. Telling it like it is, admitting that sometimes it really sucks and no, we do not love and cherish every minute of it, is so much more helpful than telling us to cherish every moment.
This winter I was battling some serious SAD and PPD. I saw a therapist one time, and she asked if I read any blogs. When I told her I did, she suggested I seek out blogs that don’t just talk about the pretty parts of parenting. She suggested I read some blogs that talk about the not so pretty parts. That is when I found your blog, and I’m so grateful I did. Thank you for your honesty, and for making me realize that it IS hard, and I’m NOT crazy.
TimareeFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 16:56
I’m one of those horrible annoying people who reminds parents with my very existence to embrace the moment. My only child died when he was three. He had cancer. Yep, he was trying at times. Imagine the difficulty of getting a three-year-old to eat anything; then pile chemo on top of that–and fucking leukemia. But you know, for someone like me, this list of reasons you can’t embrace the moment look like the very things I would give all of my last breath to experience again, even for a moment. They look like bliss.
LisaCMonday, 14 July, 2014 at 5:27
It’s not horrible and annoying…it’s a senseless tragedy no mother should ever experience. Virtual hugs. You’re on my mind today.
WendyFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 19:43
Love your honesty! Wish I had read this when I was 5 weeks into the newborn experience and I only have one (so far!)
Grandma of 9Friday, 11 July, 2014 at 20:43
I had 3, the first 2 were 16 months apart. My oldest stayed with my parents for a week. For some insane reason I wanted her back so she could bond with her new baby brother. Bad bad idea…then 5 years later I had the 3rd one. He is known to me as the child, who if he had been my first he would have been my last and only. I never tell any if my kids to cherish anything but the 5 minutes in the bathroom alone if they can remember to LOCK THE DOOR!!!! It’s the hardest, most underpaid, under appreciated job in this world! I admit to snickering now as they call with today’s problems with their kids. I feel lucky-none of them have abandoned their kids at a train station, left them in a car-EVER-or lost any of them at the zoo,store, or park. Toughest thing I ever accomplished, and that’s the truth. Thanks for the walk down memory lane-and good riddance to that friggin road!
BethFriday, 11 July, 2014 at 20:52
TinaSaturday, 12 July, 2014 at 11:06
Okay, now I feel bad, because I essentially gave a similar statement to the father of a seven month old that took until about 10 pm to get down for the night. Yes, I remember those days. I hated them when they were happening. But with my now 17 and 19 year old boys, I would actually give anything to have them back. To be more….appreciative and watchful in the moments, you know?
Amanda MyersSaturday, 12 July, 2014 at 19:16
This. I needed this so badly as I sit on “vacation” with my husband and six month old and contemplate the many ways I have ruined my life by having a child. And by getting married. But really it was just a bad day. So many moments sucked today, but it’s ok. That’s how it goes. Because right now my son is eating his burp cloth and smiling happily while I yelp to find the nearest ice cream shop and feel relieved that it’s ok that I cannot embrace every moment, and that’s ok. Now back to my “vacation” where my kid spot up all over the bed. Again.
DenaeSaturday, 12 July, 2014 at 20:17
Can I get a hallelujah?! There have never been truer words spoken.
LisaSunday, 13 July, 2014 at 9:49
Omg, I love this. My one child (all I could handle) is 21 years old now, so I am past the point where I’m supposed to live in the freakin’ moment, but I can relate to EVERYTHING IN THIS POST. Except the multiple children part, which I actually wanted; just didn’t happen. And I’m here to tell you – you will NOT feel guilty when they’re all grown up and moved out and you didn’t embrace every goddamn moment. They will be totally fine, and turn out to be lovely young adults who are still adorable. You will love and adore and kvell over them and be embarrassingly proud of them. And you will ENJOY EVERY DAMN MOMENT OF FREEDOM you get back.
Hang in there. Embrace whatever moments you can manage and let the rest go.
KBOBMonday, 14 July, 2014 at 1:19
I still say “but I’ve just had a baby” 11 weeks later….. Both my older kids tell me/each other/their father to clean up that crap. I called them sh*tbags, and accidentally didn’t just say it in my head!
I love how you seem to read my mind!
Kristy K. JamesMonday, 14 July, 2014 at 3:20
Time does pass too fast when kids are growing up. I miss the babies and toddlers. A lot. I’ve even thought (but not for about seven years) that I’d like to adopt a baby because I missed them so much.
And then I hear a little sweetheart throwing a tantrum in the grocery store, or smell one that sends me racing to another department, or am reminded of all the things like the fatigue, diapers, and other ‘fun’ stuff … and I realize I really don’t want to embrace that stuff again.
LisaCMonday, 14 July, 2014 at 5:26
My favorite 2 words –> because survival. Thank whatever divine presence that discovered coffee and flavored creamer. Without it, I would not survive.
Savor the “moments”.
MotherofMayhemMonday, 14 July, 2014 at 15:12
Wow, this is my favorite post on the internet ever. In my opinion, you’re doing a fantastic job of being in that moment.
JettTuesday, 15 July, 2014 at 0:05
I’m sorry if someone’s already said this but I’m afraid I lost you after, “THEY’RE JUST EVERYWHERE.” because good Lord, your husband sure enough knows how to rock that haircut.
HomefrontSixTuesday, 15 July, 2014 at 0:14
StephTuesday, 15 July, 2014 at 9:00
I love you. That’s all.
MarisaTuesday, 15 July, 2014 at 14:37
Funniest and most right on thing I’ve read in a long time. Amen. And I’ll have another coffee please.
MelWednesday, 16 July, 2014 at 6:59
Absolute GOLD!!!! I must say nobody has ever told me to ’embrace the moment’ though. I must have that crazy woman look in my eyes!! Hahaha
AleciaWednesday, 16 July, 2014 at 9:40
I just have to say, I love your blog. Before I found it, I basically spent a lot of time on other blogs of “perfect” mothers wondering why I couldn’t get my shit together and do it all because they obviously can. We have four kids in a blended family, and I’ve spent plenty of moments in self loathing and guilt because I couldn’t spend more time “embracing the moment”. I wish more moms online and off would just admit that parenting really sucks sometimes, and it’s normal to hate this whole thing. Really, after reading some of the things you write, it makes me feel a little more normal and at least some of the guilt has dissipated. I still feel bad when I overreact or lose my temper, but at least I can say it’s not just me.
CatherineWednesday, 16 July, 2014 at 20:50
This list made me laugh out loud at least 37 times, but I also know how you feel. That “helpful” advice makes me want to offer the “helpful” stranger a chance to change a pooplosion diaper. When my daughter was new I wrote about that advice too: http://tenthousandhourmama.com/2013/08/12/enjoy-every-moment-try-again/ Your post, of course, is much more hilarious!
IronmankeyThursday, 17 July, 2014 at 15:45
My baby hasn’t even left the womb yet and I love your blog. Thanks for sharing and letting the rest of us laugh and cry along with you.
BrandiFriday, 18 July, 2014 at 6:13
Oh my gosh, a riot. I have been having a hard time embracing the moment because I am the size of a whale and it’s summer and three different sets of relatives are trying to visit while I’m 8 months pregnant and miserable and now I feel like I should really count my blessing because eventually in a few weeks there will be a fifth child to attend to–not to mention school clothes and school supplies and lunches and all those freakin’ papers…so thanks for that pressure 😉 Best of luck.
TFriday, 18 July, 2014 at 7:48
Um yes, I support that haircut. Like a lot.
Anyway, I know this has nothing to do with the 37 reasons, I just wanted to tell you that you, your fam and your blog are awesome. The hubs and I are starting to talk about babies. It scares the shit out of me as well as makes me gag with all the cheesy crap. Your blog has made me feel normal. I thought I was the weird one because dadchelor and gender reveal parties make me say WTF? A friend of mine who’s pregnant is having both of those as well as a baby shower and has implied that we shouldn’t curse around her because ‘the baby can hear’ again I say WTF?
Keep up the awesome, I’m sick of the ‘normal’ platitudinous pregnancy and motherhood bullshit.
P.S. I found your blog by googling, ‘gender reveal parties are ridiculous’ to try to fine some back up to my ‘off base’ opinion of them.
TFriday, 18 July, 2014 at 7:52
haha typing is hard. I meant *find some back up to my opinion
TeresaSaturday, 19 July, 2014 at 7:04
Thank god I am not alone!!! Mamas surviving on iced coffees and spraying milk from un bra-ed itchy boobs unite!
I have an almost 6 year old and an 8 week old. And a hubby with a job that is crazy fucking busy in the summer. He is lucky that he gets sexy haircuts. 😉
With you in spirit! With my swinging boobs, stinky post partum pits (forgot how bad that is!) and dropping eyelids. Holding my baby boy who also will not be more than 3 inches from a nipple. Cheers to caffeine. And honesty. Xo
HWTuesday, 22 July, 2014 at 8:34
So I just, somewhat jokingly, read this to my husband because he is always giving me great advise to “cease the day”. His response was a blatant “that’s not funny, obviously you need to change something.” If I didn’t have kids in the house I would have drop kicked him in his face. So once again he tried to make me feel like less of a mother because I don’t spend every moment whole heartedly embracing motherhood. Well to him and every other person out there who thinks their kids screaming over who gets to use the blood pressure machine at Wal-Mart first (while I’m picking up my psyc meds) is something I should embrace you can all kiss my ass. I finally found someone that isn’t afraid to speak the truth! All I am trying to do is make it through one more day without a total mental breakdown! Love your articles!
karaThursday, 24 July, 2014 at 6:20
Bring it on momma. I could listen to you bitch all day! Keep it coming because I am right there with you!!
Taryn AbernethySunday, 31 August, 2014 at 10:57
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read, and it sums up EXACTLY how I feel. I love being a Mom, but that surely doesn’t mean that I enjoy every second. Not even close. I’m sure I’ll miss these days someday (my boys are 15 months and 3.5 years), but that doesn’t make my days any easier or make me enjoy them any more. I’m so glad to see a Mom with a realistic attitude! You rock!!
AnthonyFriday, 5 September, 2014 at 7:43
The advice I always give new parents is that whenever someone tells you to “enjoy every minute” to punch them in the face. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one, and wanted to tell you that it’s not only mothers. Two days ago, on the first day of school as my wife wailed, “I don’t want it to change! I want him to be at this age forever! I want to stay in this moment forever!” I finally lost my control and said, “Oh, my God- if we stayed in this period forever I would have to kill myself!” The only way I can make it through the day is by telling myself that it will get better. That I won’t have to fight to get him to give me a kiss. That I won’t be rejected when I want to read to him. That every time he wakes up when I’m carrying him to bed, his first words won’t be, “Where’s my mommy.” That eventually I won’t have to be the enforcer for everything bad. That once, just once, the two of them will get out of the house on time without me herding cats. Today, on day three of kindergarten, when he asked how she knows it will get better, she said, “Because when it’s really bad it always has to get better.” I know that’s not true- it can always get worse. But the only way to get through the day sometimes is by telling yourself that it will get better.
And we only have one!
You are either insane or a goddess. Or an insane goddess.
Thank you. After a rare morning where I just curled up in a ball and sobbed I needed to get that off my chest.
ElaineSunday, 16 November, 2014 at 15:15
I just posted “I embraced the fucking moment yesterday” up next to the sink in the nurses lounge. I read your blog, I smile so wide. So much truly resonates and actually makes me laugh out loud. I think “I’m not the only one?” Your writing truly creates a moment of primal connection. That presence and connection is what I love and crave about working with childbearing woman. You are so present, you so get it and you help me remember and get it too. L&D nurse, Doula, Lactation Counselor, Massage Therapist and MAMA. All about connection:) You are truly a gift! Mamas need you!
Jade TraversMonday, 2 March, 2015 at 1:40
You are awesome… I started reading three days ago with a 19 week old sleeping on my lap… And only stopped when hubby shouted at me to a) put bubs to bed as she was asleep (if I put her down she will wake up easier just to leave her here) b) come to bed cause said bubs will be waking up for a fed soon and I should at least pretend to sleep… But the post resonated with me it was hard to put the iPad down! So the next possible opportunity I just wanted to tell you how awesomeness (sorry the autocorrect changed it and I have to agree with it!) you are awesomeness!
SaraWednesday, 17 June, 2015 at 20:51
This is some big motherfuckin wisdom up in here.
Agreed 100%. I snort laughed I think three times, and lol’ed at least three more, and then I woke the baby laughing when I read how your boobs were 8 lbs each. I feel like I haven’t run in a normal way in so many years because of 8 lb boobs in the comfortable nursinghra I love but it was flimsy to begin with and now it’s threadbare. These tits have no business being out in public I any kind of get-up, much less a spider web of a bra. An older, kind looking gentleman actually growled at me the other day. I felt sick.
Your blog rules.
I needed this laugh today because while we were driving home from a petting zoo today, stuck in acres of traffic, my teething 8 month old got irritated (cuz they do that), and was hysterically screaming, then she got herself all worked up and was vomiting mucous and choking on it while I was driving 70 in the carpool lane. It was really very scary and my 4 year old very highly fucking (annoyingly) sensitive son was screaming to me to help her, and no one would let me merge over.. I wished I’d had a huge neon middle finger sign in my rear window so I could give them all the bird.